would you consider this a manipulation?

[nuitmiel]

My dp owns a house no mortgage, I inherited a place no mortgage. We live between our homes due to work arrangements. 10 years together not married. 16 years age gap (mid 40s early 60s). He has two adult dc, I am childfree. We were both previously married. I left my ex to be with him on a promise of a child together and a family I always wanted. He was post poning for so long I missed my opportunity to be a Mum. Now my dp came up with an idea of a home abroad with a business of a B&B attached. I told him he has so much money he can buy mortgage free abroad and yes we can run it together. He wants me to invest with him but I would have to sell my place which I do not want to do. We are not married and if something happened to him I would be left in a foreign country with a b&b business and his children on the doorstep wanting to sell it. I proposed he goes ahead with the plan but he can employ me as part of the b&b business and if something happens I continue working for his dc or his dc sell the business and I will live my life elsewhere. I do not want anything from him just to protect my assets. He says no. I consulted a solicitor who said it is a manipulation to ensure I have nothing of my own and he can control me. Even with will everything can be changed with me not being aware. It is not the first time that dp is trying to insist I put all my money into something with him knowing I will not benefit. I challenged him many times on not having a child together and not being married which leaves me vunerable considering age gap and each time he tries to bully me into submission saying I am being difficult and not wanting anything together and that I am affecting this relationship. Solicitor is absolutely adamant the pressure I am under is a red flag. Interested in your views on this.

I appreciate all your comments. All valid. So how do you think a man in his 60s should behave in this situation? What I should expect and get?

Your solicitor is right , this is a terrible idea.
This man has lied to you , denied you the chance of motherhood & you are still puttup with his ….. !
Why ?

Do leave him - he cares so little for you!
I agree your solicitor sounds great.

It is not the first time that dp is trying to insist I put all my money into something with him knowing I will not benefit.

Run a mile. He’s already tricked you out of trying for a baby. He wants your money and your life. Get those running shoes on now!

He basically wants to take from you.

He already has taken so much from you by running down your biological clock like that, (I would resent the fuck out of him in your situation).

I can understand it's hard to leave him when you stayed and lost the chance for a child to be in the relationship, but - he doesn't have your best interests at heart. He has his own, like always.

He doesn't care what's good for you.

IMO you should have realised years ago this man is a selfish manipulative liar who doesn’t have your interests at heart and will say anything to get you to comply.

In this situation I’d expect him to discuss with you his plans and to finance it himself. Any decent partner would want you to protect your own assets and not continually berate you for not handing over your cash.

Come on OP this one has more red flags than a communist party rally. Why have you wasted a decade on this greedy selfish man almost old enough to be your father?

Agreed. Listen to your solicitor.

You started your relationship mid 30s and within 2 years you were living on borrowed time wrt having a kid. That was when you should have left him.

he’s a liar. Even your solicitor is telling you that he is a bad deal.

PLEASE listen.

say no, mean no and bin him.

he wants to take all your assets and ruin you … because he can.

i bet this is the tip of the iceberg right?

I met my adorable oh 8 years ago aged 48. Don’t ever give up on yourself. You’ve been robbed enough by this horrible man, don’t give him another second of your time.

You’re at the mercy of sunken costs fallacy

don’t do this to yourself.

It's not what you should get from a 60 yo, it's what should this man give you. You know you're worth more than this, even your solicitor says so, listen to him please

You would be utterly mad to do it.

He's screwed you over once, why would you let him do it again.

I would ditch the fu*ker for stringing you along, so that you are now childless.

Be very careful, with the greatest respect, you do sound very naive.

I think the only thing you should be considering is how to tell him to get lost. Your solicitor is right. Mid-forties, plenty of time to enjoy life your way. Don't end up penniless, abroad and alone.

I think he is thinking about his retirement and how to maximise both your estates for his gain, so he can live a certain lifestyle. I would of expected him to of planned his own retirement using his own funds if he is so great at planning his money.

You would be mad to sell a house you own outright in your 40s, would you have enough money to buy another if you needed too? And quite frankly with him in his 60s you would most likely be doing all the work for the B&B as well as taking care of him in his old age.

RUN.

Maybe tell him you won’t sell your property but you’ll rent it out so you have a personal income as well as working for him in his business.

This is his dream not yours - it’s on him to finance it.

This.

And good for your solicitor for pointing it out!

Are you happy? What do you get from your relationship?

Mate he's already manipulated you out of motherhood wtf are you doing? You're going to let him manipulate you into destitution as well when he dies decades before you will? Please listen to your solicitor and run for the hills!

Red really is your favourite colour, isn’t it.

A man of any age should respect your decisions whether they prevent him making use of your money or not. Because that’s all he wants - use of your money to help finance his B&B that he wants.

You should expect him to continue to lie and manipulate you, you should expect it to get worse as he believes you will allow it. You should get away from him. Pronto

From this 60 yr old man, you can expect him to attempt to get hold of your assets and undermine your independence and get his own interests served at the expense of yours.

A guy who gave a shit about your wellbeing and security wouldn't even be suggesting what he has. Or certainly not once the issues with it have been laid out.

He wants him and his nurse to enjoy his dotage in the sun.....

Absolutely. He wants a nurse with a purse to wipe his backside.

OP you’re in your 40’s - you can have such a better life than you have with this selfish prick. Run, look at the freedom programme to understand why you’ve accepted this treatment and let him run his b&b as far away from you as possible.

Ducks in a row time!
Great that you have your own property, just you. Well done for staying strong about his attempts to move you abroad/get his hands on your assets. You've got gumption and guts!
Pack anything of his up and return to him.
Change any passwords, get your phone checked or changed, so no trackers.
Book a locksmith to change all your locks.
Change numbers etc and block him
Move on with your life without him.
(I know sometimes easier said than done but once decision is made, life does get better! I've fled an abusive relationship........)

i Know it’s probably difficult to face up to the fact that you have invested and wasted so much time on this man - but you need to first understand why this has happened to you and then quickly prioritise what YOU want. Please don’t drift along any longer. My husband is 15 years older than me and even though I love him dearly the health disparity between us makes my life more limited. But I knew that would happen when I married him You are not even married. Please make a new life without him. You are young enough.

Get him out of your life.
You'll enjoy life so much more without him.