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Original poster

He's upset that I'm dating others in the open relationship he wanted?

131 replies

lovelee97 · 14/09/2024 15:24

Hi! I made an account here looking for relationship advice because I'm not sure what to do about this current dating situation I'm in.

I've been dating someone for about 2 months (we met on a dating site) and off the bat he told me that he's polyamorous and is in an open relationship with his wife, and they have two kids together. He said he wasn't looking for anything serious and wanted something casual (no strings attached) and I was fine with it because I'm focusing on my career and doing my PhD.

So everything was going well and I assumed since he is open with his wife and wanted something casual that I could date other guys. About a week ago I started dating someone else and he got upset and asked me what changed because we were seeing each other a lot and I told him I'm dating someone else. He got even more upset and I told him well we're not committed or exclusive and plus he's married so I wasn't sure what was happening.

He says that now he wants me to make him the priority? I'm so confused because he doesn't want anything serious. I like him so how I move forward with this?

OP posts:
DarkForces · 14/09/2024 15:27

What a prat. Bin him

Ull · 14/09/2024 15:27

Are you sure his wife knows about you op? It sounds too good to be true and no I wouldn’t continue a relationship with this person, he sounds jealous and controlling. Block and move on

IThinkImStillMe · 14/09/2024 15:27

Does his wife know it's an open relationship?
Does he actually know what an open relationship is?
I'd run away fast he's controlling and wants his cake etc

TwilightSkies · 14/09/2024 15:28

He only want himself to be able to date other people. Not you. He sounds gross!

LizHertz2 · 14/09/2024 15:28

How sure are you that his wife is in on his polygamous lifestyle?

SpringleDingle · 14/09/2024 15:29

Ha! I bet he does… he wants to have his cake and eat it too 😂. This one is a dick, it won’t get better!

yeesh · 14/09/2024 15:30

fuck him off. He’s a nob

Just4thisthreadtoday · 14/09/2024 15:31

What's to be confused about?

he's a twat whose wife isn't aware they're in an 'open Relationship'. Unless you've heard it HER. he's just another married man cheating.

he wants to be your priority, but isn't wanting to make you his.

you've been seeing him a couple of months, just ditch him.

This isn't a string free bit of fun, plenty of it out there if that's what you're looking for, but don't do it with someone whose a control chest!

CeruleanBelt · 14/09/2024 15:31

Chances are that his wife is poly: 0.0001%.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 14/09/2024 15:33

He is NOT polyamorous, he just wants to have sex outside his marriage. I expect he wouldn't be happy with his wife seeing/sleeping with other people either. What a prick, definitely get rid.

Dontbeme · 14/09/2024 15:34

CeruleanBelt · 14/09/2024 15:31

Chances are that his wife is poly: 0.0001%.

Chances his wife is at home with two very young children wondering where her husband is at night, why he's now got a password on his phone and has no idea he's shagging OP when he's at "golf" "running club" or "working late, why are you always so suspicious when I'm doing everything for you and the kids" are about 99.9999999%

Original poster
lovelee97 · 14/09/2024 15:34

Lol I did suspect that he was cheating on the wife to be honest but I don't know her so no way to confirm.
The reason I'm confused is that he wanted something casual and said he's jealous that I'm spending time with other guys? But I guess he thought I would be the type of girl to beg for relationship and give up all my other options but he was wrong..

OP posts:
thereiscustardinthejamtart · 14/09/2024 15:36

Lol I did suspect that he was cheating on the wife to be honest

And you didn’t have any problem with that?

Dontbeme · 14/09/2024 15:37

But I guess he thought I would be the type of girl to beg for relationship

In his defense, he told you he was married with two kids and you kept seeing him so....

Chaiilatte · 14/09/2024 15:41

I'd ask his wife if it's true. Personally I think he's cheating and thinks that's some slick tactic to cover himself, incase you found out he was married.

Maurepas · 14/09/2024 15:45

So he doesn't have a PhD either?

MCBfan · 14/09/2024 15:48

Bin him off and do some work on your self esteem before dating again.

Berthatydfil · 14/09/2024 15:52

HE wants to be in an open relationship with YOU( and his wife and whoever else takes his fancy) but he doesn't want YOU to be in a relationship with any one but HIM.
Ask him to explain his double standards (and then dump him for someone with better morals and less of a hypocrite)

TheShellBeach · 14/09/2024 15:55

You suspected that he was cheating on his wife and you weren't bothered?

Jeez. And not lol.

sunflowersngunpowdr · 14/09/2024 15:59

TheShellBeach · 14/09/2024 15:55

You suspected that he was cheating on his wife and you weren't bothered?

Jeez. And not lol.

That's what I thought too.

TwistedWonder · 14/09/2024 15:59

So you pretty much knew he was cheating on his wife with you and still thought it was ok to shag him plus someone else as well.

His poor poor wife - I hope for her sake you’ve practiced safe sex but maybe look at raising your bar and keeping clear of sleazy cheating scumbag men.

yousexybugger · 14/09/2024 16:01

He hadn't thought through this ruse to get extra marital sex under a vaguely respectable umbrella and his ego is kicking in. He now expects you to go against his original terms when as others say, there's a good chance he may be cheating anyway.

Even if he isn't cheating and his wife is aware, he hasn't thought this through and he is shifting the goalposts and expecting you to comply with his toy throwing. I would bail. He hasn't even discussed this change, just expects it, which is manipulative. stick with the other bloke or stay casual but I'd leave this one to it.

sunseaandsoundingoff · 14/09/2024 16:03

TwistedWonder · 14/09/2024 15:59

So you pretty much knew he was cheating on his wife with you and still thought it was ok to shag him plus someone else as well.

His poor poor wife - I hope for her sake you’ve practiced safe sex but maybe look at raising your bar and keeping clear of sleazy cheating scumbag men.

Edited

She can shag whoever she likes (who is consenting), it's 2024 not 1924. It gets pretty tiring when it's more than 3 at a time though, mostly because there are so many needy and possessive men out there.

He's obviously not poly though or he wouldn't be this possessive. I'd get out of it personally.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 14/09/2024 16:03

you probably are right that a) it’s an affair not an open marriage and b) he was expecting you to be begging for his time/the relationship.

it could be he and his wife have a semi open relationship- as in she knows he’s going to cheat so she’s set rules, but doesn’t want another relationship herself. This could have given him a twisted idea of what being poly means and presumes that men have multiple partners, but women are faithful to whichever man they are with.

LifeExperience · 14/09/2024 16:07

He's a misogynist who sees women as less than he is. He wanted to cheat on his wife without strings, but he didn't want his new sex toy to be played with by anyone else. A real piece of work, that one.