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Original poster

He's upset that I'm dating others in the open relationship he wanted?

131 replies

lovelee97 · 14/09/2024 15:24

Hi! I made an account here looking for relationship advice because I'm not sure what to do about this current dating situation I'm in.

I've been dating someone for about 2 months (we met on a dating site) and off the bat he told me that he's polyamorous and is in an open relationship with his wife, and they have two kids together. He said he wasn't looking for anything serious and wanted something casual (no strings attached) and I was fine with it because I'm focusing on my career and doing my PhD.

So everything was going well and I assumed since he is open with his wife and wanted something casual that I could date other guys. About a week ago I started dating someone else and he got upset and asked me what changed because we were seeing each other a lot and I told him I'm dating someone else. He got even more upset and I told him well we're not committed or exclusive and plus he's married so I wasn't sure what was happening.

He says that now he wants me to make him the priority? I'm so confused because he doesn't want anything serious. I like him so how I move forward with this?

OP posts:
Cheesecakecookie · 14/09/2024 16:13

Because he’s the sort of prick that expects the rules to apply to you and not him.

user47 · 14/09/2024 16:15

lovelee97 · 14/09/2024 15:34

Lol I did suspect that he was cheating on the wife to be honest but I don't know her so no way to confirm.
The reason I'm confused is that he wanted something casual and said he's jealous that I'm spending time with other guys? But I guess he thought I would be the type of girl to beg for relationship and give up all my other options but he was wrong..

Lol? You're happy with dating a man cheating on his wife? And expect him to treat you well?
This is not how things work.

YellowAsteroid · 14/09/2024 16:16

lovelee97 · 14/09/2024 15:34

Lol I did suspect that he was cheating on the wife to be honest but I don't know her so no way to confirm.
The reason I'm confused is that he wanted something casual and said he's jealous that I'm spending time with other guys? But I guess he thought I would be the type of girl to beg for relationship and give up all my other options but he was wrong..

He's a fuckwit. Don't waste any more of your energy on him, or try to consider his behaviour as in any way rational.

DadJoke · 14/09/2024 16:17

Poly people are generally open with their polycule members and often introduce them
to other members. I am sure he won’t have the slightest problem introducing you to his wife who must be fully aware of your relationship.

Londonguy84 · 14/09/2024 16:21

You're both as bad as each other.

He is almost certainly not Poly, and is cheating on his wife. You knew this and still entered into a casual relationship.

He is most likely cheating on his wife with other women as well as you and you are wanting to date/sleep with other guys....

What a mess! eurgghhh

Ivehearditbothways · 14/09/2024 16:24

You know he has a wife and kid. You haven’t spoken the wife. In polyamorous relationships, it’s pretty normal to have everything open so you’d have met the wife. He’s cheating.

He has kids, but has been spending a lot of time with you… so, not being a father then?

and you’re reply is lol. Wow. You don’t deserve much better than this guy.

Newnamesameoldlurker · 14/09/2024 16:25

DadJoke · 14/09/2024 16:17

Poly people are generally open with their polycule members and often introduce them
to other members. I am sure he won’t have the slightest problem introducing you to his wife who must be fully aware of your relationship.

This. The guy is not poly, he sounds like a common or garden cheat. Definitely bin him OP. Could you, perhaps unconsciously, have withdrawn and started dating other people as a test for him? It sounds like perhaps you do feel a
growing attachment to him but know you shouldn't because he's married

Gymnopedie · 14/09/2024 16:27

Well now you know for certain that it isn't an open marriage. If he can't bear the thought of YOU (supposedly a casual shag) being with someone else, there isn't a snowball in hell's chance he's absolutely fine with his wife doing it.

And if despite that you still like him, and you suspected he was cheating but didn't care, then you're nearly as bad as him.

jannier · 14/09/2024 16:28

Okay well then before I make you a priority let's have a meeting to discuss how it's going to work for your wife?

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 14/09/2024 16:29

Basically, he wants two wives. Unless you want to join an informal harem where two of the participants haven't met each other, best get out.

Skyrainlight · 14/09/2024 16:31

He sounds awful, dump him.

Gettingbysomehow · 14/09/2024 16:31

He isn't in an open relationship with his wife, he wants her and you as a bit on the side.

Skyrainlight · 14/09/2024 16:33

Dontbeme · 14/09/2024 15:37

But I guess he thought I would be the type of girl to beg for relationship

In his defense, he told you he was married with two kids and you kept seeing him so....

Agreed. Perhaps karma will come back and bite her when she's the one who is married.

BMW6 · 14/09/2024 16:35

I'd laugh in his face.

He's not Polyamourus. He's just another cheating on his wife, common or garden Fucking Twat.

Butchyrestingface · 14/09/2024 16:36

I feel sorry for the wife, who, pounds to pennies does NOT know, and certainly won't be shagging about herself. If lover boy can't handle his girlfriend of five minutes dating other men, what's the chances he'd be fine with his WIFE being in an open relationship?

So now this poor, clueless woman runs the risk of catching a STD from her 'polyamorous' husband, and the fact he's putting it about with bedmates who are themselves polyamorous/non-exclusive will increase that risk.

Demonhunter · 14/09/2024 16:37
Veronica Mars Middle Finger GIF

He says that now he wants me to make him the priority?

Does he now. Well pity for him. Tell the CF to do one. The absolute brass neck on him!

Dutchhouse14 · 14/09/2024 16:38

Just dump him
If he was really truly wants open relationships he would have no issue with you dating other people.
He clearly meant only he is allowed to have significant other relationships-not you!
He's married to someone else ffs so not in a position to call the shots.
Under no circumstances make him your priority as you are not his.
Cut your losses and get rid.

Hollietree · 14/09/2024 16:39

LifeExperience · 14/09/2024 16:07

He's a misogynist who sees women as less than he is. He wanted to cheat on his wife without strings, but he didn't want his new sex toy to be played with by anyone else. A real piece of work, that one.

Exactly this. In the bin he goes.

independencefreedom · 14/09/2024 16:41

lovelee97 · 14/09/2024 15:24

Hi! I made an account here looking for relationship advice because I'm not sure what to do about this current dating situation I'm in.

I've been dating someone for about 2 months (we met on a dating site) and off the bat he told me that he's polyamorous and is in an open relationship with his wife, and they have two kids together. He said he wasn't looking for anything serious and wanted something casual (no strings attached) and I was fine with it because I'm focusing on my career and doing my PhD.

So everything was going well and I assumed since he is open with his wife and wanted something casual that I could date other guys. About a week ago I started dating someone else and he got upset and asked me what changed because we were seeing each other a lot and I told him I'm dating someone else. He got even more upset and I told him well we're not committed or exclusive and plus he's married so I wasn't sure what was happening.

He says that now he wants me to make him the priority? I'm so confused because he doesn't want anything serious. I like him so how I move forward with this?

Get rid of him. I've seen this happen quite a few times - the man says he wants an open relationship, the woman says fine then he's left with not too many options and she has a great time. If you suspect his wife doesn't know, then really really get rid of him. By the way, his cheating on his wife is his problem, not yours despite what other posters have said - he's in a relationship with her, not you.
Better yet, shag his wife.

OldCrocks · 14/09/2024 16:42

lovelee97 · 14/09/2024 15:34

Lol I did suspect that he was cheating on the wife to be honest but I don't know her so no way to confirm.
The reason I'm confused is that he wanted something casual and said he's jealous that I'm spending time with other guys? But I guess he thought I would be the type of girl to beg for relationship and give up all my other options but he was wrong..

What is there to be confused about? He said he wanted something with no strings or commitments and now doesn't seem to after all? I mean, he's a liar - but you knew that. And a controlling pig. That may be new information, but considering how many of them there are out there, hardly confusing, surely?

MrRobinsonsQuango · 14/09/2024 16:42

This is hilarious! So he’s annoyed you aren’t at home waiting for him to throw a few crumbs your way. Why would you make him a priority, when he doesn’t make you a priority?!

AllstarFacilier · 14/09/2024 16:43

Get rid. The wife won’t know. What he means is that he is into having an affair, but not for anyone else to be a threat to him. It’s only been two months, sack him off.

MonsteraMama · 14/09/2024 16:44

Soooo you were happy to keep shagging a married man with two kids even though you didn't know if you were an affair or not?

Nice. Can't imagine why he thought you'd be desperate.

LBFseBrom · 14/09/2024 16:44

He has double standards, not unusual.

However I doubt hie tells you the truth about his marital relationship, it probably isn't open. People who want extra-marital affairs say all sorts.

Be careful.

You can find a better, more genuine, friend than him.

RedHelenB · 14/09/2024 16:45

thereiscustardinthejamtart · 14/09/2024 15:36

Lol I did suspect that he was cheating on the wife to be honest

And you didn’t have any problem with that?

This. Sounds like you deserve each other.