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Original poster

He's upset that I'm dating others in the open relationship he wanted?

131 replies

lovelee97 · 14/09/2024 15:24

Hi! I made an account here looking for relationship advice because I'm not sure what to do about this current dating situation I'm in.

I've been dating someone for about 2 months (we met on a dating site) and off the bat he told me that he's polyamorous and is in an open relationship with his wife, and they have two kids together. He said he wasn't looking for anything serious and wanted something casual (no strings attached) and I was fine with it because I'm focusing on my career and doing my PhD.

So everything was going well and I assumed since he is open with his wife and wanted something casual that I could date other guys. About a week ago I started dating someone else and he got upset and asked me what changed because we were seeing each other a lot and I told him I'm dating someone else. He got even more upset and I told him well we're not committed or exclusive and plus he's married so I wasn't sure what was happening.

He says that now he wants me to make him the priority? I'm so confused because he doesn't want anything serious. I like him so how I move forward with this?

OP posts:
MayaPinion · 14/09/2024 18:41

I don’t get all the rage at the OP suspecting his wife wasn’t ok with it. She has no proof that’s true and she can only go by what he’s telling her. If he’s lying then that’s on him, not her. OP, throw this one back. He’s not worth the angst.

TheShellBeach · 14/09/2024 18:46

MayaPinion · 14/09/2024 18:41

I don’t get all the rage at the OP suspecting his wife wasn’t ok with it. She has no proof that’s true and she can only go by what he’s telling her. If he’s lying then that’s on him, not her. OP, throw this one back. He’s not worth the angst.

Because she suspected the man was lying about his wife being okay with him sleeping with other women, and still carried on shagging him regardless.

She also added "lol" to her comment about this.

She clearly doesn't care about the wife's feelings.

samanthablues · 14/09/2024 18:49

The advantages of fuck buddies and open relationships are that you know there's no expectations for getting into something serious, you can see other people (thus keep your prospects open) and the zero drama, if you're getting drama and the guy is all pissy because you're seeing someone else what's the point of being in an open relationship?

Everycloudect · 14/09/2024 18:50

TheShellBeach · 14/09/2024 18:46

Because she suspected the man was lying about his wife being okay with him sleeping with other women, and still carried on shagging him regardless.

She also added "lol" to her comment about this.

She clearly doesn't care about the wife's feelings.

Show quote history

Emotional intelligence and ' brains' are two different things. I've met countless people with degrees coming out of their ears but men can still take advantage of them & often they are sadly left on the shelf.

Gemmy96 · 14/09/2024 18:50

Tale as old as time

ThreeLocusts · 14/09/2024 18:54

Gawd. Polyamorous, my arse. This man loves exactly one person: himself.

My father decided he wanted an 'open marriage' back in the 70s and dressed it up in a lot of pseudo-progressive hogwash, overcoming bourgeois strictures, everyone following their true feelings etc.

He was just a sexually incontinent twat, but thanks to this worldview that dresses up infidelity as an act of liberation, he got to shag around and to berate my mother as 'frigid', old-fashioned etc into the bargain.

Until the day when the burdens of household work, child- and elder care are totally equitably distributed between women and men and women have somehow magically acquired as fervent self-love and self-belief as far too many men, 'polyamorous' situations will always disadvantage women.

I almost think it would be preferable if the OP's twat was lying to his wife, rather than having somehow badgered her into going along with his bollocks. His possessive response towards OP makes it 100% certain that his wife is in no position to enjoy her 'freedom' to the extent he does his.

Run for the hills, OP. Shame you can't let him do the running.

Daleksatemyshed · 14/09/2024 19:01

So he has a wife,who may or may not know he's sleeping with other women, but he's unhappy that you're not hanging around waiting until he's free to see you. He's just another twat Op, another man who thinks women are there to do his bidding. Tell him to get lost

Coconutter24 · 14/09/2024 19:04

“Lol I did suspect that he was cheating on the wife to be honest but I don't know her so no way to confirm.”

If you suspected him of cheating you are very selfish to carry on seeing him and just dismiss this thought. Why didn’t you ask him if you could speak to his wife to confirm she is on board with the open relationship, surely if she is he’d have no issue you contacting her?

MushMonster · 14/09/2024 19:07

Dump this idiot and keep dating this other guy or whoever catches your fancy. It is that simple.

MushMonster · 14/09/2024 19:07

Dump this idiot and keep dating this other guy or whoever catches your fancy. It is that simple.

Original poster
lovelee97 · 15/09/2024 21:11

TheShellBeach · 14/09/2024 18:46

Because she suspected the man was lying about his wife being okay with him sleeping with other women, and still carried on shagging him regardless.

She also added "lol" to her comment about this.

She clearly doesn't care about the wife's feelings.

Show quote history

Ohhh my god I said "lol". How scandalous xD
Ppl get offended by everything nowadays grow a spine

OP posts:
IThinkImStillMe · 15/09/2024 21:40

😂 Im guessing you are very young or very stupid and obviously never been cheated on. I'm fetching some popcorn

Opentooffers · 15/09/2024 22:00

OP clearly has a problem feeling empathy. Just an observation, I'm not bitter, never been cheated on to my knowledge. Cool enough and unfeeling enough to play the casual game, except on here asking why like many women who wonder about what motivates men's behaviour? The answer is because they can. In this case, he can always find someone who will swallow his lies and get sex off them. If he keeps going long enough, he might even find someone who will have him as their sole sexual partner, even while knowing he's shagging others. Then he will know he has power over the women in his life, then he is the big man. It's going to be about control. Hopefully, you are at least not going to let him dictate how it's going to be.

Cupooee · 15/09/2024 22:06

He's cheating scum that fed you a line and now he doesn't like it.

Dump him.
Cheating spouses are best avoided, even if you are happy to be casual.

Starspangledbanner7 · 15/09/2024 22:10

His wife probably knows nothing about it. Of course when he said “open” he meant he will be screwing his wife and anyone else that comes along- and not to have expectations. He hoped you’d be busy pining over him in his absence and begging to be exclusive with him, I don’t think he envisioned you doing the same thing. Some polygamous men (many) believe men are naturally polygamous with many female partners (think Islam) but that for a woman to do so makes her slutty and it’s unnatural. Have you had this conversation with him to know his thoughts on that? Please get rid of him, never knowingly get involved with a married man either, whatever his situation is.

Sepoctnov · 15/09/2024 22:10

His wife never agreed to an open relationship.

He's a grade A c*nt.

Time to get an STI check.

QueenMegan · 15/09/2024 22:16

Is this real? Why tell us about studying a PHD. Is that to protray some faux respectability because its sad. Hes using you lying to you. Cheating on his wife. Youre a mistress. He doesnt care about you.
Get a decent man. Hes scum.

MsDogLady · 15/09/2024 23:09

I agree with @TheShellBeach regarding your ‘lol’.

@lovelee97, it is beyond callous to laugh that you’re likely helping this devious pig to harm his innocent Wife and children. Infidelity causes PTSD and shattered lives.

I feel terrible for his unsuspecting Wife, who has no clue that she needs regular STD tests because her sleazy H has a harem.

ComeOnUnder · 16/09/2024 00:33

You were trying to make him jealous and he played the game of pretending to be jealous.

He probably doesn't give a shit that you're enjoying yourself with different men so long as you keep him entertained.

His poor wife though, it all sounds very unhygienic.

Everycloudect · 16/09/2024 01:08

To support a pp comment. People are not offended by lol

People are offended that someone can knowingly suspect the man they are meeting for no ties sex is married with a family and they can add lol to a post about it.

Uol2022 · 16/09/2024 01:41

Yeah obviously this one’s for the bin. You know he’s not really available, suspect he’s a liar, and he’s seeking a very unequal kind of relationship with you. There’s literally nothing here for you.

samanthablues · 16/09/2024 09:48

I’ve never seen so much internalised misogyny one thread, the slut shaming is pretty mind boggling. OP just wants some booty without the entanglement while she finishes her PhD. While many women on here find this “unacceptable” (again: internalised misoginy) the OP created this thread because she sounds confused (and she should!) due to the guy getting jealous and suspecting he might be married. Stop telling her to ‘respect herself’, it’s getting tedious.

thereiscustardinthejamtart · 16/09/2024 10:13

samanthablues · 16/09/2024 09:48

I’ve never seen so much internalised misogyny one thread, the slut shaming is pretty mind boggling. OP just wants some booty without the entanglement while she finishes her PhD. While many women on here find this “unacceptable” (again: internalised misoginy) the OP created this thread because she sounds confused (and she should!) due to the guy getting jealous and suspecting he might be married. Stop telling her to ‘respect herself’, it’s getting tedious.

Edited

Did you even bother to read the OP?

She doesn’t “suspect” he’s married. She knows he’s married. She suspects he’s cheating on his wife rather than in a polly relationship, and her reaction to that is “lol”.

It’s not slut shaming to expect someone to have some basic respect for another human being. OP can shag an entire rugby team so far as I care but, if she did, she should have the decency to make sure others weren’t going to be hurt by it.

samanthablues · 16/09/2024 10:22

thereiscustardinthejamtart · 16/09/2024 10:13

Did you even bother to read the OP?

She doesn’t “suspect” he’s married. She knows he’s married. She suspects he’s cheating on his wife rather than in a polly relationship, and her reaction to that is “lol”.

It’s not slut shaming to expect someone to have some basic respect for another human being. OP can shag an entire rugby team so far as I care but, if she did, she should have the decency to make sure others weren’t going to be hurt by it.

Show quote history

If she has any doubts then let her call his wife and ask, bottom line is this guy is giving her too much grief for something that should be an easy breezy uncomplicated no strings thingy so she should just dump this tosser and find another guy, but that’s just me.

Ethylred · 16/09/2024 10:24

He's a twit. Why do you want to spend time with a twit?