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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Considering affair

137 replies

SuffolkMumof2 · 14/09/2024 10:35

I am married mum of 2 with a loving DH and great life.

I work part time for the NHS and work long hours with colleagues. I fancy one of them very much. He has already tested the waters to see if I'd be open to have a date. I dont know what to do, I really liKe the idea of a one off or 2 off.

Although it could happen at work I dont want to be caught and sacked. My entire career and home life ruined.

Bringing him home would work, the house is for me most days while DH is at work, and both my colleague and I have compatible shifts off.

I also feel guilty for considering it and wished I hadnt

OP posts:
ChickAndTheDuck · 14/09/2024 19:01

@Anotherlurkingmale I don't think it is at all healthy fantasising about other people when already in a relationship.

Thevelvelletes · 14/09/2024 19:30

Channellingsophistication · 14/09/2024 10:50

This can’t be real?!

Exactly,I'd take him back to mines during the day as no one is home.
Hate to break it to you.. your neighbours have eyes.

aCatCalledFawkes · 14/09/2024 19:53

SuffolkMumof2 · 14/09/2024 13:22

Not particularly.

I am well aware nobody will endorse that behaviour in here. I want to hear about women who have also considered this - which I am 100% certain there are many as thinking and considering are very different from acting.

Show quote history

I considered it with my exH because he was in love with another woman so I thought about an ex of mine.

In reality it would of been an absolute mess, and would of caused chaos to my feelings about leaving him. As nice as it might feel, living with the aftermath will always take the shine off anything.

We're super lucky in this country that divorce is so easy and we have freedom of choice. I would suggest that route as you can't be that happy.

moanieleminx · 14/09/2024 20:44

SuffolkMumof2 · 14/09/2024 12:46

I am very grateful for all the feedback, both the namecalling and the constructive one.

I have seen some comments about other women not opening up about this topic and only men thinking about having affairs.

Once again, although undoubtedly wrong, I am sure many more women are on the fence like me rn.

It is their feedback I wanted to hear most, tbh

They won't speak up on MN though, as they will get torn to shreds.

The sex board is where these conversations seem to happen the most.

AmberAlert86 · 14/09/2024 21:10

Selfish tart, all I can say

DuckTales1234 · 14/09/2024 21:13

This has to be a troll

blondemumof4 · 14/09/2024 21:30

SuffolkMumof2 · 14/09/2024 12:10

Surely I cant be the only one who has had the temptation to do something allegedly and undoubtedly bad like this.
I was hoping to get experiences from women in my situation to see how bad it can get once you start

It gets really bad, becomes an addiction because you live off the dangers of being caught and it being fun and makes you feel a buzz.

It don't last long, the devastation you leave behind isn't worth it.

If you feel this way then you need to talk to your husband and speak to him about how you feel.

You will regret it! The grass is never greener!

Onthemaintrunkline · 14/09/2024 21:40

And you’ve the utter all to refer to your husband as ‘D’ husband. Well if he’s your dear husband you most definitely are not a ‘dear’ wife!

XChrome · 14/09/2024 21:45

FrenchandSaunders · 14/09/2024 10:47

Christ considering an affair is awful but to contemplate taking him to your family home is a whole new low ffs.

Pesumably in the marital bed. 🤮 I bet she wouldn't even change the sheets.

XChrome · 14/09/2024 21:47

Over40Overdating · 14/09/2024 13:06

Interesting - a man can speak for ’Us men’ as a whole to excuse cheating because it’s understandable if your partner isn’t providing adequate sexual services.

If women speak on men, showing anger or fear about men’s behaviour it’s ’NAMALT’ though.

So it’s hive mind when cheating because men are men but ‘ugh don’t lump all men in together’ when it comes to abuse and violence.

Where are the handmaids to explain that logic when we need them.

Show quote history

Spot on.

XChrome · 14/09/2024 21:53

happygoluckyme2 · 14/09/2024 12:24

I wouldn't consider a full on affair as such, but I don't see a problem with occasional sexual encounters if you're not getting satisfied enough by partner but everything else is fine.
Only us men seem to think that way though.

You would totally consider it and have quite likely done it.
There is no moral difference between the two. Both are betrayals.

The gender difference here is that most women (by no means all) don't feel entitled to be 100% satisfied all the time. The root cause of cheating is entitlement.

Opentooffers · 14/09/2024 22:01

What's the man in question considering? I be he doesn't use condoms either whilst being OK sleeping with married women with DC's. Hes an STI risk - thats not particularly sexy.
Life got boring for you and you're looking for a bit of excitement. You'll get that in the moment, but the guilt after will not be worth it - unless you feel no guilt, as you don't seem to yet? Is your guilt just dependent on if your DH knows or not? You should enter into the affair with an assumption and expectation that he will find out, then think how you'd feel watching his upset, seeing him leave and how your DC's would find all that. If none of that bothers you, perhaps ask a shrink as you are lacking empathy in that case.

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