Considering affair

[SuffolkMumof2]

I am married mum of 2 with a loving DH and great life.

I work part time for the NHS and work long hours with colleagues. I fancy one of them very much. He has already tested the waters to see if I'd be open to have a date. I dont know what to do, I really liKe the idea of a one off or 2 off.

Although it could happen at work I dont want to be caught and sacked. My entire career and home life ruined.

Bringing him home would work, the house is for me most days while DH is at work, and both my colleague and I have compatible shifts off.

I also feel guilty for considering it and wished I hadnt

Use this desire to cheat to think about your life. Are you happy? What is missing? What could be better? What could be worse? Do you really love your husband or is it just like an old jumper now you can’t throw away?

happy people don’t ponder on affairs. Think about what’s the deeper meaning here.

Attention-seeking tripe, I can't believe we're giving it oxygen.

Why are you convinced that there are loads of women sniffing out a man to fuck outside of their marriage?
The obvious thing to do is divorce, hand your kids to your ex husband to raise, and bang whatever males you want.

Cheating is abusive and traumatising to the victims and just filthy.

I know you'll get lots of hate on here rightly or wrongly I'm not in a position to judge.
But if I can offer you a perspective
It brings no joy to anybody in the long run, nobody wins it will break your heart one way or the other and will send you into a spiral you wish you'd never got involved in.

Or you could just read the hundreds of threads where partners cheated that already exist and work out that it would be a stupid thing to do.

Get a divorce or at least separate from your husband before you start a relationship with someone you work with, also check the threads on how well that usually goes too.

I get it, we all have temptations, we’re only human. But it sounds like you have a loving family and don’t appreciate how incredibly lucky your situation is. Frankly, it’s not worth it.

If you get found out, you will destroy your family, your children will resent you, and everyone you know will judge you. Men who cheat get judged, but nowhere near as much as women who cheat…welcome to the patriarchy!

If you don’t get found out, you will feel guilty, you will feel regret and you will have to carry that secret burden for the rest of your life.

Perhaps the fact that you’re thinking about it suggests that you’re not as satisfied in your marriage as you think. Talk to your DH, be open with him. It might be a difficult conversation, but not as difficult as admitting it to him if you do decide to cheat.

Don’t do it, terrible idea.

I have been in a position where I started fancying someone at work. Had a lovely boyfriend at home but things were stressful and colleague gave me the attention I felt I was missing. I really wanted to have an affair but knowing it was a terrible idea I felt the only option was to come clean to my then boyfriend. I told him I was starting to fancy someone at work and we reflected on what the reasons could be. His response was so mature it made me love him even more and suddenly all the tension went away and I had zero interest in said colleague. Turned out all I had to do was share my concerns in the relationship. We have now been together 14 years, married with 3 children. Last I knew this colleague was also married with children (with the girl he considered cheating on).

So this is my input. I think its totally natural to fantasise but you would massively massively regret it and its not fair in your dh and children. Would you consider telling your husband so you can work through this together?

My husband had an affair. He only confessed once it was over because he had to. How helpful to need to fuck her to know it was wrong. I think it was more because the sex was shit and she wasn't well.

Let me tell you the consequences for me. I stayed but it has left me with medical consequences. Because I stayed I was then in a position for him to say what he said which meant I did divorce him. Again, leaving me with health implications.

My children have been hurt, let down and treated appallingly by him.

He would not try and say either scenario was worth it even though he's been horrible to me since we split.

Do not do this. Sort your own sexual satisfaction out. Change your shifts at work.

Grow up.

Keep it in your head - where it’s safe 😊

The people that seriously consider shagging their colleagues are not married with children. If, once you are married with kids you’re considering this, then you need to end your marriage.
If you’re cockstruck so hard that it prevents you from seeing how this could destroy your husband, perhaps you could consider how it could destroy the relationship with your kids? My father had an affair and I never spoke to him again since the day I found out 20 years ago. He is dead to me and I will never forgive him.

great! mother of the year

Hi OP - I’m one of those women, I had an affair (I was married and so was he) and it ripped two families apart and left four children without complete family units. I absolutely do NOT recommend at all 🤦🏻‍♀️ walk away before anything happens. The truth will always come out and I can guarantee it won’t be a ‘one off’

I cheated on a partner with a colleague when I was younger. No kids, thank god.
my boyfriend was wonderful, he didn’t deserve it.
it was a 1 off with a colleague & not worth it.
I had the chance to back out, but I didn’t.
Wasn’t drunk. Wasn’t neglected, or bad communication, or any excuse at all. I just did it. My boyfriend was older than me but less experienced & he was so nice. I really wasn’t used to nice men & obviously didn’t know what to do with one. I’m ashamed to admit that I was just bored.

as soon as I’d done it, the shame & regret was unreal. That poor man didn’t deserve it, he trusted me & loved me & I threw that back in his face. I ended the relationship a short time later because I knew I didn’t deserve to be with him. I never told him because he didn’t deserve to be fucked up by my mistake, I was the one that deserved to live with what I’d done. But he DID deserve to be free to move on with someone who at the bare minimum appreciated him enough not to cheat. Even breaking up with him he was so kind & gracious about it, I fully felt like the bit of shit I was. I loved him but there’s no excuse & I knew if I could do it once & stay with him, what’s to stop me doing it again.

I got to watch him move on to a much better woman who he’s still with now & I am honestly so glad for him, so grateful that he has someone who would never hurt him.

me on the other hand rolled from one car crash relationship to the next which is karma I deserved. All is well now & I’d say we are friends, he and his partner were at my wedding, I’ve attended both their milestone birthdays & babies’ christenings.

you have so much more to lose than I did & unless you’re really able to compartmentalise I think you have to consider how you’d feel about yourself if you do this. If your husband is a good man, please ask yourself how you’ll feel sleeping next to him knowing you have done this. Would you honestly feel nothing if he did this to you? Can you look at yourself afterwards & still see yourself as a good person?

THIS! ^ Keep your fantasies where they belong @SuffolkMumof2 IN YOUR HEAD!

Cheating is abusive.

The repercussions are far reaching and traumatic for all involved.

Your children WILL suffer. I can absolutely assure you of that. Cheats are notorious for being so utterly aware of anyone but themselves during the affair that even their children become an irritant.

And that’s without the damage when the affair does get discovered.

Grow up FAST!!!!

It’s about integrity. How much is yours worth? To me, it’s priceless.

Ok I'll be honest.

My marriage hit a bit of a rocky patch where there was no physical or emotional intimacy. I found myself having feelings for a close friend (not mutual). I told his friend I had feelings for him and thankfully he helped me to address what was wrong in my marriage. So I did, and after working on things, me and DH are very happy.

I'm so glad nothing happened. I would never have forgiven myself.

So go ahead and shag him a few times. Fast forward and it's Christmas. Your husband has found out. Your affair partner has backed off rapidly. HR get involved because you've been shagging in the empty sideroom and someone saw you. If you're a registered nurse, then the NMC might be informed, you are bringing the profession into disrepute.

Bye bye career, Bye bye marriage. Bye bye happy settled life.

All for the sake of another man's penis inside you.

This has got to be a wind up. 🙄

If your marriage is as happy as you describe, it is worth thinking about exactly why you would even consider doing something so self destructive? Have you always self sabotaged? If I was you, I’d book some therapy, DO NOT SHAG THIS MAN. It will end badly for everyone.

You must be new to Mumsnet?

Pretend post as you wouldn't write this. I had an affair married mother of 2 full time. My affair which I told.him.about was to get rid of him as he had spent 5 years refusing to accept it was over. I've never felt an ounce of guilt. I've been with my new partner just over 2.5 years now 2 years openly. This stage is the hardest but it gets easier

“Although it could happen at work I dont want to be caught and sacked. My entire career and home life ruined.”

if you embark on an affair with this man, then even if your career survives it, your home life won’t. You have a loving DH and two children - I am incredulous that you are so cavalier about throwing all that away. Hang on to the fact that your DH loves you, your children need you and you have a great life. This other man is just a distraction - and no good will come of pursuing him. You WILL regret it. You need to stop all this right now - while it’s flattering to be wanted by someone else, that’s all it is. If the temptation from this other man is too much, then change jobs - but don’t wreck not only your life but that of your husband and children because some other chancer has turned your head.

Tearing your family apart for a bit of casual sex? I mean, really? If you think you wouldn't get found out, you're wrong. Truth always comes out!

A few posters reacting as if she's actually having an affair with this work colleague - she's not actually acted on anything. I suspect there's more people around than we'd care to think who have considered affairs. Nothing wrong with fantasising about other people, and that can even have positive effects in relationship, but clearly, acting on this would be a different matter altogether.

I have heard from people I know working in health sector that it (like some other sectors) can be prone to affairs - intense working patterns, long hours working closely with colleagues and away from partner, and probably quite easy to develop crushes/feelings. I'm not going to shame the OP but would say use your feelings as a bit of wake up call, and do take care at social functions around this colleague e.g. go easy on the alcohol as you're clearly at risk of straying and crossing a line.