Stay at home mum of 1 child? Frowned upon?

[Spudulanky]

Why do other people/mums care?!

The child is school age.. its gossiped about.. but why??

honestly why???

My curiosity is just because you started a thread on a topic and made me think. I wasn't sitting at home pondering about SAHM life before this morning😆

However, from your answers i do wonder if the judgement you perceive from others comes from some self-judgement. The way some PPs talk about their SAHM life is lovely and sounds very appealing! From this thread though it feels more as though you are quite defensive - the equivalent of saying "i work. Why does everyone care" and refusing to discuss what your job is, if that makes sense. I don't think many people ask what jobs are out of judgement but it's more a way of conversing, connecting, finding common ground or interests. I wonder if people are coming across as unfriendly because you aren't letting them in, rather than because they judge your life choices.

In no way did I say that. I said “if …” then people judge. I would not jump to conclusions in that way.

Your repeated insinuations about women who choose not to work are extremely insulting.

The only thing I find difficult is working with (usually) men who have SAHMs, and therefore have none of the mental load that parents have who are both working. They can focus 100% on their jobs, can travel at the drop of a hat, stay late, and rarely take time off to look after poorly children. They don't have to reschedule things, apologise for letting others down, and can be 100% reliable and dependable - really great for their career! But those working parents that are juggling (and often struggling) have to constantly remind them of the fact we can't just travel, that working late needs to be planned, etc. Like competing in a race where their track is clear, and ours is full of obstacles. Its really tough.

Secondly, you declare that 'all' earners have more options than non earners. This just simply isn't true. It's totally possible that a SAHP could have another source of money (trust fund, property, rich parents)

haha @Bumpitybumper yes good one, you’ve got me there. I concede the SAHP may have a trust fund or rich parents.

@SpiderPlanter So you feel insulted by my perfect polite opinions and feel your only way to respond is with insults? Got it!

Whats the maths behind working full time giving you the same amount of time with your child as a SAHP? Presumably you use wrap around care to manage full time hours?

A SAHP can spend time with the child for a few hours before school starts. Then pick them up and spend from 3.30 - bedtime with them. That's a significant portion of the day.

And when you factor in cooking three meals / washing / cleaning / organising things the school day is actually pretty short. Its not a lifestyle of leisure.

As some who works full time 9-5 (out of the house) I agree with this. Once you factor in commuting I only see mine about 2 hours a day Monday-Friday!

She is doing something for society. She is raising her children in a clean and well cared for environment.

No, I’m responding to your insults.

You’re being narrow minded and rude. You’re not being ‘perfectly polite’.

Why are you so bothered? People will always have something to say about others no matter what. If you enjoy your life, live it and ignore them 🤷‍♀️

Whats the maths behind working full time giving you the same amount of time with your child as a SAHP? Presumably you use wrap around care to manage full time hours?

I guess this depends on the kind of job you have. I have quite a senior role in my company and that leaves me with a lot of flexibility. I can wfh when I want. Go in and leave at lunch, whatever, no-one minds. So I usually do pick up at 3:15. I may sometimes do a meeting after this for a short while or faff on my laptop but I’m still there with my child. I’m not paid for my hours but for my input. I appreciate this isn’t the case for min wage jobs etc.

@SpiderPlanter ok, let’s leave this as it’s not fun for others to read.

Isnt it Housewife once your child starts school?

Not judging, but maybe change the title?

I value free play for my kids and time spent with my children. Being able to pick my kids up at 3pm from school everyday means they have plenty of time for free play/being children/winding down without being activated by grown ups all the time. We can have home cooked meals every day. We can slow down and take things at children's pace. No jugement but I find a lot of working parents stressed out, snappy with their kids and not being present with them. I think children deserve a parent who can be present with them after school. Being the non working parent I am in charge of all house chores, house/children admin, being there during holidays/ sick days. Getting everything done during the week means we can spend quality time together as a family at the weekends. It's a balance that works well for us while the kids are young school age. I know working mums manage to get everything done too but I think it comes at a cost of stressed out parents and children

I know working mums manage to get everything done too but I think it comes at a cost of stressed out parents and children

@Lourdes12 what are your thoughts on working dads?

I’m not sure what your intention was here, I’d presume to feel a bit superior, but it comes off as a bit bitter.

Why quote a snippet of my post out of context? Very strange!

I think if they dont pay your bills they should mind their own buisness. Its up to you and your partner if you work or not the rest can just sod off.

I agree with you. My Mum has a chemistry degree. She learned various languages whilst I was growing up and went to college classes while I was in school to fill her time. She read widely. Taught me to cook. Did DIY and decorating. Took me on picnics after school in the field next to the house. She exercised. Grew fruit and veg. She only went back to work when I was in high school. We didn't have much money growing up I am grateful that she was always around during primary school. She taught me that if you're savvy you can live simply, but happily.

It's definitely an online-only thing. Loads of people round here have at least one stay at home parent, because they have enough money to make that choice. It's not a thing which is unusual enough to be commented on. Certainly nobody ever calls them "unemployed".

Also with so many people being self-employed or working at home, how would you know? I have been self-employed working from home for 20 years, when I used to drop my kids off and school and then go home, most people had no idea whether I was going home to work, or sit drinking coffee and watching telly.

It’s seen as a virtue to be as busy and stressed as possible at all times. Clearly you are not as busy and stressed as if you were a SAHM of five children, or if you were working full time and also juggling parenting and running a home, so people look down on you for being on a relatively low rung of the busy and stressed league table.

Meanwhile, you are living your life and making your own choices, that you deem to be the best ones for you and your family.

What age is she though?

Because she possibly wouldn't have made the choice to be home based for years were she a young woman now.

Oh yes, I did it for several years, had a lot to learn. Plenty of gossip about affairs, mostly wrong.
All friendly with the kids, even through teen years and Uni so can't have been very bad at the job.

I don’t get this idea that you have masses of time once your DC is in school. I found full-time work a breeze when DC was in nursery 9-5:30 year round, but the wheels fell off once school started and DC (SEN, much less independent than peers) couldn’t cope with after school care or holiday clubs.

Add in ageing parents’ needs, and I’m lucky if I can fit in 2 hours of freelance work a day around school runs / parents’ various hospital appointments during the school year. And I am just swamped during school holidays.

I think it's often jealousy. Many women would love to spend more time with the DC yet have to return to work when they are still babies. It's a massive privilege to afford that but if you can, why does it bother you what others think? Just enjoy the time.