DP wants a baby at 50, I don't.

[SherylAnn]

Backstory : I have three children already under 10, late 40s. New partner of 1 year (50) who I love. He has admitted he wants children of his own. I want to let him go but he wants me still. How can I make the relationship work without more children

How come he’s got to 50 and now suddenly wants kids of his own? I think your both too old now to have a baby.

Why has he waited until 50 to decide he want children, that seems quite bizarre to me. Or is he just looking for an excuse to end your relationship without being the bad guy?

Yes I’ve read references to health problems in children of older fathers, including psychiatric problems - worth googling about. Plus he’ll be 60 when the child is 10, so he’ll be like a grandfather picking his child up from school. There are health risks to children of older mothers too.

It’s not your responsibility to provide something that he has not been organised enough in his life to achieve. He’s had plenty of time to have kids.

Some women like older men, it's just who they're attracted to. And they don't seem to care their kid will lose their father earlier than everyone else. I've always found older men attractive but no way would I have a kid with one, my own dad was 50 when I was born and you can guess where he is now.

It's highly unlikely that she'll have a baby but it's perfectly likely that she might get pregnant and then miscarry. She needs to carry on with rigorous contraception.

Relax and forget the whole pregnancy thing.

In the nicest, gentlest way possible, you won't be getting pregnant (without expensive intervention), OP.

I think if you decide to stay together and you're confident he's accepted this part want happen for him, then please also be clear on his role with your kids. I had this with my ex, and then he told me if he can't be a dad himself, he'll be a step dad to my kids. But that didn't feel right to me either. They have a dad, he was just my boyfriend. So just be careful you don't put out one fire, only to find expectations mismatched and you then have to put out another. Be really clear what relationship you're offering so he can decide if its for him in the long term.

If he really does want children, he needs to ideally find a woman in her early thirties, no kids, keen to settle down. Not a woman in her late forties with three kids under ten.

Why is is that we women recognize that female attraction to older men is financial, but older men think that these young women are attracted to them in the same way women their own age are. These men, who will fight tooth and nail to not give a red cent to the wives that they are dropping like a hot potato because they got "old", will skip with joy towards a younger woman who has full focus on his wallet. Ten years later, he's surprised when she files for divorce with a giant settlement number, and he's paying child support and fighting for joint custody while his smarter peers are in Spain, chilling by the pool with their wrinkled, drama free wife and their dog.

I dont think you can do anything to make the relatioship work. He has to put work in if he wants to stay with you, with some counselling it may be easier to come to terms with being childless. You have made your boundaries clear, you just need to kindly keep them.

If one person wants children and the other doesn't, then you are incompatible. Sorry OP, but it really is that simple. You can't have half a child, it's just not something you can compromise on. If he's childless he's unlikely to change his mind about wanting them.

Do you and your children already live with this current boyfriend after only a year? If you don't live together your boyfriend discussing children surely is a massive turn off. .

In any case, whatever he says now you know he is going to really regret staying with you.

This. With bells on.

If he wants you then he needs to put aside the dream of a child. My DH is in his 50's and we are considering a third child but I am in my 30's. In your case I would say no. He will have to accept that or move on.

Sperm quality decreases with age and that can include passing on congenital malformations to the baby, especially past the age of 50. Even if it were biologically possible for you both, with 3 under 10 does he expect you to take the heightened risk of having a baby with additional needs?

What's made him decide he wants a bio child now and pick a woman your age with 3 kids already?

I'm not sure he's serious about wanting to be a father. If you really like him and he's a good man, have a conversation to check he isn't getting swept away the prospect of a last chance saloon family of his own without a significantly younger partner, which may be something he doesn't particularly want.

It may be more of a passing regret/ what if playing out. I would acknowledge this as a possibility with him, see what he says.

If he's adamant, no, he definitely wants a baby, now for whatever reason and not in the past 25 years then both sleep on it but end the relationship.

I suspect he may be back but let him figure it out, not you. If your childbearing days are over, don't get pulled into conversations about IVF, adoption. Etc. It needs to be a clear 'no'. Your circumstances are as they are, he can stay with you or move on. Don't try to make another child fit if that isn't what you want and would probably be very difficult. If it's regret about missing his chance, perhaps suggest community input but don't do the thinking for him.

It's cruel to string him along.

Let him loose and tell him to speed date and only become seriously involved with women who also long for a child.

The likelihood of him finding someone at his age young enough and willing to have kids with him is pretty low. You need a hard line. Refuse to discuss it bar to say if that's what he wants then you understand him ending the relationship but it's a hard no. Any attempts to manipulate the kids and end it yourself. If he won't drop it, end it yourself. You don't need his agreement.

Really I read stuff like this & think-it's only been a year, I don't want kids, it has to end.

That someone would even suggest it would make me leave.

If he was seeing someone without kids I wonder if he'd be wanting "one of his own"?

I want to let him go but he wants me still.

I mean I'm sorry but what bollocks is this?

Just walk away!

I agree. Only issue is the risk of miscarriage is higher if you are a lot younger and he's 50+.

Nailed it 😂

Mick Jagger and Rod Stewart are not exactly role models for family life, are they?

At least one of the others on your list have had children with serious health problems, poor things.

This sounds like a him problem.

I wouldn't spend any more time trying to work this out, you're not compatible, it sounds like he's looking for a 35 year old with no children, and he's wandered into the wrong room.

You've got three kids that you need to focus on, and anyone that you bring into their lives should absolutley enhance it, and I'm not sure that a man who's got to the age of 50 yet still doesn't graps the basics of human reproduction is going to fit the bill.

Show him the stats of older men and babies having disabilities/ developmental problems.

Then set an alarm 6 times a night and make him get up and faff for 20 minutes with headphones of a crying baby blasting in his ear. Ask him after a week if he still wants a baby.