'Launching' the relationship with OW

[VelociraptorsVelociRapping]

STBXH has 'launched' his relationship with OW. We work in the same sector and they attended an industry event as a public couple. I have them both muted on LinkedIn, X, Bluesky etc but it's a small world and bloody everyone was there and my feeds have thrown up multiple comments addressed to them about how happy they both looked. I know I should have avoided all news of the event but I suppose a masochistic streak made me look.

I just don't understand. The people commenting know me. They know that he was living with me and our children less than a month ago. How can they celebrate a relationship which has been borne of so much pain and betrayal? How does an OW take any joy at all in her relationship when it was founded in the lies he told me for months and months?

Feeling very sad tonight.

Ah. That's shit. I don't know what to say OP, sorry. Thoughts with you!

That is shit. I'm sorry OP.

I work in a "place" that has multiple relationships and I'm surprised how "we" all keep the affairs secret and when they come out it's surprising where loyalties lay.

That sucks but remember when they marry the mistress they create a vacancy xx

Remember she is with a cheat and a liar. That is so tough and people are being very thoughtless. Hold your head high and surround yourself with people who care for you and your children.

I understand OP I truly do. My ex left last Christmas for a client at work. She is twice my age and it had been going on for years I find out so all his work colleagues and friends knew. What hurts now is not them but how it has been socially acceptable when it literally broke me as a person for a long time. He got to just walk out of family life and will only do a fun day out here or there at best.

You feel discarded and replaced and everyone has just forgotten how that relationship was built before yours even ended. You wish people would thrown upon it but most won’t. It would be awkward for them to do so.

If it brings you any comfort. I had a thread from the other day as now my ex and the ow she has now started to not trust him and reached out to me. So don’t believe the glossy pics you see of them. She knows deep down she can’t trust him. It’s a very small percent of relationships with the other women that even work out and then how many of those are healthy.

Is there a chance people already knew?

It's well-known who is sleeping with who at my work. Even when no one says anything.

I am sorry this is tough.

I've worked with colleagues having affairs, i have always remained professional but be in no doubt where my sympathies have rested and if announcing a new relationship after a month, I would take a very dim view on those conducting the affair even though it may not reach you.

Sending you a hug @VelociraptorsVelociRapping

I can totally understand why you feel upset.

It will not always be this way

I feel for you and share your dismay at their fickleness and disloyalty. x

Remember: if they’ll cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you.

which one of them will be first??

As someone else posted, a mistress vacancy just opened up for him!

Karma is coming my love, may take a while but it will come.

Just remember that for all the supportive comments, there will be many many people thinking “WTF?” and what a cheating rat he is.

I'm sorry OP, it will feel better over time, and for every person posting a heart on the update there will likely be 3 thinking he is a complete arsehole.

Plus I love the username - my boy has a six month phase of exclusively watching Storybots!

I’m so sorry. To have his betrayal is one thing, to have to endure this second wave of betrayal must be a million times worse as it’s so out of left field.

The utter bastards. The lot of them.

hoping you have some good real friends around you, be distant and cool with those you need to know professionally, those you don’t need, cut ‘em dead. You don’t need people like that in your life.

That’s probably very true.

Urgh. Been there, its so hurtful. Try to avoid social media if you can. Linkedin is mostly about brown-nosing and keeping connections warm in case you need a deal later - so people's compliments are totally superficial.

I had to leave Facebook after the rapturous welcome mutual friends gave my ex and the ow, despite him treating me like absolute shit with a small baby. They've since split up but I'll not be returning to facebook, it's not for me.

I'm sorry, that is really upsetting 😡 I bet there were lots who didn't comment who think he's a right tosser! Just remember, you can hold your head up high because you're not scummy duplicitous scumbags like they are. Big hugs 💐

The people who have commented have shown themselves up. At least you know who your friends aren't.

Eurgh, LinkedIn is such a cesspit.

I'd feel so grubby cooing over a new union, steeped in adultery, especially if it meant a minor gain in workplace approval.

Trouble is in a work based scenario you have to be careful what you say and who to. You dont want it to get back that you were slagging them off for how they got together and then 3 months later, guess who is sitting on the interview panel, but if it was me I would simply say nothing at all. So some of it could be butt kissing, some of it could be people who know her and are happy she finally "won" and some could be people who did exactly the same thing. But I would bet that quite a lot dont actually know the ins and outs and just see X who's marriage has ended getting together with Y "aww dont they make a cute couple".

Tell your masochistic streak that you have enough pain thank you, without it pushing you to search for more! Take care my love, you will soon see the other side and it wont hurt at all. You will see that her "prize" is actually no prize at all and she did you a favour by clearing out a massive shit from your life.

That’s tough OP, sadly a lot of people don’t have great morals and are quite self-centred. They would be aghast if it was their husband /wife but don’t seem to empathise with your situation.

LinkedIn is professional not personal. People will be sucking up in case either of them could be useful in future. Their real feelings are probably very different.

What a pair of selfish unprincipled self-absorbed arseholes they are, flaunting their new “relationship” in shared (with you) work circles before the divorce is even through. I know very very well how shit you are feeling.

BUT most people are basically just thinking about themselves, and don’t think about how hideously traumatic this all is for you (maybe don’t even realise the extent if they’ve never been through it).

Plus as pp said it’s business - it’s about greasing the wheels and keeping options open and not letting personal opinion get in the way. Plenty are probably thinking “what a jerk”. And even if they disapprove, what can they say? How would they say it? Close friends are completely different, I’d expect them to be totally and vocally on your side, but shit as it feels, business contacts are likely to stay “neutral”.

Anyway, reality is going to be hitting their delusional little fantasy bubble now it’s a “real” relationship, all the little day to day irritations that don’t come into an affair, made exponentially more challenging by negotiating financial and coparenting arrangements with you. You can guarantee that those shiny glossy happy SM photos don’t reflect reality.

Very few people will truly believe that these are a decent pair, OP. They’re commenting to be polite or to suck up.

A couple of people may genuinely not have known that he wasn’t single when they started dating, in fairness. Or he may have led people to believe that you’d been living separately in the same home for years, so they honestly won’t know that your breakup was recent.

So I wouldn’t worry too much about these industry people.

There is no way of knowing whether he will be faithful to her. But she’ll always have his behaviour towards you at the back of her mind. There will always be a seed of doubt. But that’s not your problem!