'Launching' the relationship with OW

[VelociraptorsVelociRapping]

STBXH has 'launched' his relationship with OW. We work in the same sector and they attended an industry event as a public couple. I have them both muted on LinkedIn, X, Bluesky etc but it's a small world and bloody everyone was there and my feeds have thrown up multiple comments addressed to them about how happy they both looked. I know I should have avoided all news of the event but I suppose a masochistic streak made me look.

I just don't understand. The people commenting know me. They know that he was living with me and our children less than a month ago. How can they celebrate a relationship which has been borne of so much pain and betrayal? How does an OW take any joy at all in her relationship when it was founded in the lies he told me for months and months?

Feeling very sad tonight.

If these comments are on professional sites, rather than socials, is it just likely a bit of cringey brown nosing / "networking" rather than what they actually think? I can imagine some colleagues doing this online and then slagging them off in reality.

Ouch. I recoiled in pain for you at the 'how happy' they look, that brings back bad memories.
Just to assure you that this was my ex fiance and the pain is just a memory not something that I even think of often (had plently of relationships and yet another heartbreak since then though!)

Whilst this was in a professional situation and I'm sorry you're having to deal with this rubbish it happens all the time..our whole friendship (what a joke) group of years knew my husband was cheating and who with and they all seemingly invited her into their world whilst I sat at home with our children oblivious to what was going on. People can be shallow shits.

She’s publicly eating with your used fork. Not an attractive image is it?

I also understand, my good friend is now divorced. I am still friends in social media with her ex but I refrain from commenting on anything. I don't like him for what he did but I have not fallen out with him but I choose not to comment on anything related to him and 'her'. I would feel I was disrespectful to my friend if i did

I am so sorry to say but the people who commented aren’t your true friends. I would remain professional but keep my distance from a man like your ex and his new side-piece. I feel your pain. Try and hold your head high and be the better person - don’t let them see that you’re hurt.

Waiting for them to suffer is no way to live

Very painful I'm sure. But trust me - there are many of his and her colleagues out there who will never look at either of them again without feeling contempt. They will feel it's none of their business - but they will be far from impressed.

Because they are trash people, OP- your ex, the OW and all the friends cheering them on. They lack character and moral fiber. They don't have the same values as you. So now you know who you can't trust. Bin the whole lot of them.

I'm so sorry OP. People can be so ignorant. He will do this to her too.

I feel for you . My ex had an affair with my friend and work colleague . He even sent her a huge bouquet to work so I would know. . People remarked how generous her new boyfriend was. Their faces dropped when I revealed it was my husband. I was heartbroken but plastered on a smile and did my best to remain dignified. The plus side was I lost loads of weight and looked better than I had for years. They are still together but even now years later she hates him to talk to me and I know that as the major earner he is very much in charge. Hold your head up OP . It will get better x

What an absolute shit house!

The thing is though, the huge bouquet would have been to her, at the time, a massive romantic gesture. Now she can probably see it for what it was. Not a wonderful gift to her, but a big fat "fuck off" to you. I suspect she knows just how precarious her situation is, not least due to the finances. And I wouldnt be at all surprised if he didnt reference you to keep her in line. Either "at least @sandgrown did the housework" or "@sandgrown didnt bother doing the housework either, and look how that ended..." but given that she hates your guts, probably the former.

Ah I feel for you. In work situations, many people will say one thing but think something else altogether. They have both outed themselves as cheats.

chin up, tits out. This feeling will pass.

Can totally understand your pain and hurt.

It's all such bullshit.

Even their relationship is bullshit. Based on decent and cheering.

And there will be many others thinking the same.

Just focus on yourself. Ignore the ridiculous cheerleaders.

Keep your dignity. And let them. Let them just do whatever they want. You walk away, head held high.

Yes I hear you.

I'm disabled. My ExH married within a year of our divorce, to someone much younger, not disabled, and very beautiful.

All our joint friends went to the wedding and everyone congratulated him on Facebook etc.

It wasn't real. Everyone knew that our 20 year marriage had been broken up by him and our children weren't speaking to him. Most of our friends were appalled by his behaviour in leaving a severely disabled wife and not seeing his (late teen) children.

I cried and cried the day of his marriage. I live on my own, with three cats who I love. I will never ever live either a partner again because I don't want to after my experience with him. But it really does hurt very deeply.

It's not real. You know it's not real. They know it's not real. Everyone knows it's not real. They're just pretending to accept it.

My heart hurts reading that. I am so sorry.
I find it unforgivable of those so-called friends to pretend to support such filth. They've shown who they really are just as he has. They are moral cowards, more concerned with their own convenience and not rocking the boat than doing what's right. If they really were as appalled as they claim to be, they sure as hell wouldn't be congratulating him for leaving a disabled wife in the lurch!
Too many people just have no integrity.

All these people are faking. I guarantee they’re all thinking ‘what a pair of cunts.’ However, given your small industry they’re kissing arse, thinking about themselves.

I've noticed this on Facebook a few times! I honestly don't understand it. Recently was a friend of mine who I know left his wife who was at home breastfeeding their youngest child at the time for a much younger work colleague.
He posted the obligatory photo of the pair of grinning idiots on Facebook (sorry but she was well aware of the wife and kids so she's an equal idiot imo) and loads of comments were made about how they looked so happy finally allowed to be happy etc 🙄 like the wife had forced him to marry her and have all these kids and poor him was so so unhappy. I honestly don't know what makes people write these things. I don't know what makes people who have left a family feel the need to even post these photos is it a validation thing ? Social media is absolutely toxic at times

God, how embarrassing. For them!! What kind of losers use LinkedIn to “launch” a seedy relationship, which will no doubt fall on its arse anyway? They are a massive pair of twats and she is clearly dumb as a box of rocks. Everyone KNOWS he was living with you and your children a month ago so she has literally just publicly announced “I shag married men” 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ And he has announced “I am a deceitful, unfaithful cunt”. 🤣 Just goes to show how entirely lacking in self awareness they are.
I know it’s hurtful op and you are still reeling from this but none of this is about you, it’s them.
i read a quote which said “ when you’re walking through hell, walk like you own the fucking place”. So, do that. Head up, shoulders back, serene smile, because you have done nothing wrong. Do your crying in private with friends that love you. You have the moral high ground here and you always will. Good luck xxx

I am so sorry this is happening to you; what a smug bastard your exH sounds.
It constantly amazes me how forgiving people are to men when they do this kind of thing. Both women & men forgive badly behaving men instantly. You just have to spend a bit of time on here to see it.
Hold your head high and write a note in your phone or somewhere to remind yourself that you are lucky to be free of a shallow, cheating arsehole.
You are a strong woman who will survive this xxx

Thank you for the kind words and solidarity. They have really helped. I’m so sorry to others who have experienced similar and worse . Thank you too to those pp who have pointed out that the silence from many speaks volumes about what they likely think in private.

It's difficult but it will get easier if you let it. Remember she is the unlucky one. What goes around comes around. Concentrate on keeping your kids happy and have a good bitch with your friends.

OP that's awful. I am afraid most people will be like 'none of my business', 'we only know one version', which is total crap😢 I have seen this before and is soul destroying, but guess what? A few months/years down the line you will be happy and in a total different space in life. Nothing we can say can help you much but I hope you feel the big hug that the MN community is sending you. You are not walking alone❤️

They’re either cowards or morally corrupt.

Neither of which are your problem.

You deserve better. You will be ok. Take each day as it comes xx

@VelociraptorsVelociRapping wow, what an absolute and utter twat your ex is! How blinkered must he be to think this is absolutely fine.

I'm sorry the commenters are also twats. I guess brushing things under the carpet and pretending it's all fine is psychologically safer for everyone rather than thinking (or saying!) you shouldn't treat people this way, and realising that it could happen to them. I imagine OW isn't thinking of anyone else but herself.

I hope you can celebrate reasons you don't have be to be with ex xx.