Inheritance

[DustyLee123]

How would you feel if DH of a long marriage said that his inheritance was none of your business?

Perfectly fine with me, dh got inheritance when his parents passed , approx 40k I see it as his money to spend as he pleases, it’s not money earned, it was a “gift” to him.

just to add we have been together nearly 30 years and married for 24 of them.

I would wonder what sort of big financial plans does he see for himself that doesn't involve us and why. I would wonder if he is committed to me.
I would be onboard of him spending it on something for his hobby or his self improvement but to be so secretive about how he is going to deal with the money wouldn't sit well with me.

I think it depends on how you generally share your finances (i.e is all money "family money" or do you have separate pots). We share all of our money, and if I received an inheritance I would consider it to be family money, however, I would stay in control of it really as I manage our money (DH is useless and doesn't even have a banking app!)

I don’t even know how much he got.
If it was me I’d have told him how much, and paid for some pricey home improvements that need doing. I guess I just feel sad that I’m not getting treated the way I would treat him, and it feels like we’re not a team.

It’s his money at the end of the day, but I would find it odd if he didn’t talk at all about what he planned to do with it, even if it was just putting it into savings while he thought about it. I don’t think it impinges on you being a team - it’s not team money.

It would depend on how much was received. It’s unfair to think that just because you would do house improvements that he should do the same.

All inheritances have been 'team money' here. The person receiving it has the casting vote, but it is all part of the pot.

I’m not expecting him too. We’ve been together so long that I thought we were a team, two halves of one.

It might cost me more than half in solicitor fees!

I wouldnt be worried because my husband spends all his money on me and children anyway. We don't do any joint finances yet we both pay for the needs of the whole family. How we do it? We just do. He is the gentleman, I am the woman and he knows I need savings ( just in case). If he was against me having good savings for just in case, he would not be my husband

When his ( and if actually) his inheritance comes, I will know how much it is and I will know that will be spent on us. Tough titties if he wants to do something else. Life is more than money and at least I love myself and care for myself.

I've received and dh has received inheritance money. We fully disclosed and discussed options with the person who received the money having more say in the matter.
We generally have applied some to debt, some to savings and something special to remember the person by which could be a special event/day out vs something physical.

When I inherit it will all be family money. But I have had to give my DM a lot of emotional and practical support over the years, much more than my DH had to for his parents,so I am going to spend a small chunk of it just as I want to. DH will fully support me in this.

I'd be annoyed to be told it's none of my business. That's not to say I'd expect him to spend it in any particular way, but I'd find the underlying attitude to be unnecessary, like he needs to hide it from me because I'm going to be demanding about how it's spent.

But I think it's relevant how you set up your finances. We have combined finances, and while that doesn't mean we'd automatically combine any inheritances, it does mean we're both aware of what money we have in our few accounts, and discuss income and outgoings generally. So it would be odd to have a financial thing and it not get discussed. If you had more separate finances then I guess it would be a different context.

My husband wouldn't say that about any subject never mind inheritance! Its my business because we are married.

said that his inheritance was none of your business?

Did you actually ask him how much money he got!?!? Because that is how your OP reads.

Tbh if my partner asked, or asked me how I planned to spend it - particularly if it was a recent inheritance - they'd be told to jog on.

It would s absolutely all family money here. My dh and I have both inherited large sums. Of course it belongs to both of us and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

I would feel upset and concerned if my husband said this but that's because all money is ours, we make decisions together.

I would share details if I got an inheritance and make plans for the good of our family. I wouldn't hide any information and neither would he.

As far as our situation is concerned, all finances, including any future possible inheritance is for the benefit of our family.

When we were married h was offering to use some to make home improvements. Once I filed for divorce it became his money. He cried over having to share it. I said I wouldn't take any but we have to have equality. I got a bigger share of the house to make up for him having more money etc than me. Irony is he had to give me a lump sum of cash as well, using his inheritance.

I don't know how long your long marriage is, but we have been married 30 years. Neither of us has had an inheritance, however, if one of us did then it absolutely would be 'our' money. We would discuss together what to do with it / spend it on.
Marriage is meant to be a partnership and I think your husband was out of order to be so blunt as to tell you to mind your own business!

Always our money. My DM didn’t leave a lot as she was in a care home for years. DH inherited a lot of money from his parents and has always been very open about it and the fact that it is “ours” not his to make our lives easier and also our kids.

While I would never say it’s none of your business, to me any inheritance belongs to the person that receives it. Same with any incoming money. Money is discussed but how it is spent is the decision of the person who receives or earns it

I would never be in a “one pot” relationship, money is always separate with joint expenses paid out of those separate accounts

Perfectly happy and loving marriage working like this and couldn’t imagine it any other way

Yes, we are 30 years married too.
Thank you for you reply, it’s how I feel. Perhaps we are old fashioned in our outlook, but I thought I married into a partnership too. Us together, against the world.

We treated inheritances as joint money but we've always treated all our money that way. The inheritor sometimes buys something for themselves (eg expensive kit for a hobby) but there was never any secrecy about that. It's very sad if you feel that you are no longer the team you thought you were. Presumably you haven't had an inheritance/expect to receive one in the future?

Awful.
I have shared a lot with my DH and expect him to share fully with me in return. Our long time financial plan is joint.