Husband left for a week

[Bboo3]

My husband is possibly suffering from depression, he has just been given sertraline, they take up to 6 weeks to kick in fully.
In the mean time he has decided be needs a week break from me and our 3 children, so has moved in with a friend. He said he needs this week to miss me and to decide what he wants going forward. I asked him if there's another woman, and he said there is someone making him happy, but nothing has happened.
I feel like it's emotional abuse, sat here waiting a week to decide whether we are going to fight for our marriage or if he is going to walk away for good.
We have 3 children, 6, 4 and 2. I have told them he's away with work for this week.
I don't know how he can be so cruel. It's been 2 days so far and he's said he's enjoying his time away, he doesn't miss me as of yet, and he feels unsure about our future.
What am I supposed to do? Sit here for a week and let him decide? I am doing everything on my own whilst he is figuring his head out.
Should I just call it a day? We have been together 18 years!! I never thought this would happen. How can he be enjoying his time away when his children are here!
I'm upset, I feel sick, I don't sleep, I feel angry. I want him to come back and work on things like a grown up. But will I be a le to trust him now. Urgh!!!!!!!!!

Do you know where he is staying. ?

If so I would pack up the children tomorrow morning and drop them with him.

Tell him YOU are extremely depressed and upset by his behaviour and YOU need some time to decide if YOU want to continue... and that if he can't put them up then he can come home and look after three young kids on his own whilst you go and contemplate your naval at a hotel or with friends of family.

Sorry but why are you expected to cope . They are his kids too and I bet you are far more exhausted and depressed than he is.

He told you someone else is making him happy, and he was comfortable to do so and then say he needs to 'decide' about your marriage.

Hes a gobshite, and a cheeky one at that.

He is also having an affair - is he definitely in his friends?

So he's OK with just opting out of the life he has made with you and his children? Depression might be what he's suffering but that doesn't give him a reason for simply not parenting. Most mothers do not have or take that possibility of just leaving.

It must be very tough for you sat the moment.

Maybe see this week as a trial separation for YOU - and it might be easier to have one child fewer - ie a man-child who can't step up to parenting and adult reponsibilities.

Whilst he is away. File for a divorce and change the locks. Leave his clothes outside the house. Text him and ask him which half of the week he is having the kids. Buy yourself a good bottle of champagne and celebrate. It's much better this happens now than when you are in your 60s.

It's been 2 days so far and he's said he's enjoying his time away, he doesn't miss me as of yet, and he feels unsure about our future.

What a fucker!

Cherchez la femme is my advice.

Cut him off. You won't have to share your DC - if they're old enough they can choose and have a say. He's clearly leaving THEM as well as you - what a prize of a man.

Don't do the "pick me" routine. Get angry. And cut him off.

"He said he needs this week to miss me and to decide what he wants going forward."
And he truly believes that "what he wants" overrides everything, doesn't he? That what YOU want isn't part of the equation. That you will go along with whatever he 'decides'. I would disabuse him of that belief for starters. I would take control of the situation and tell him to not come back.

"I asked him if there's another woman, and he said there is someone making him happy, but nothing has happened."
So the answer was 'yes there is another woman'. "Nothing has happened" is almost certainly a complete lie.

He really wants you dancing on the end of a string, doesn't he? Wants you to do the Pick-Me! dance. Wants you to beg and plead with him to stay in the marriage.

Bottom line is - your marriage is already over, in his eyes. You are not his beloved wife any more, you are someone to manipulate. Someone to manipulate into serving his needs and wants; as housekeeper and childcare, but not as partner. Sorry, but it's downhill all the way from here. He has made it clear that he has no respect for you. Marriages - love itself - cannot function without respect, and certainly not with the brutal disrespect he is currently showing you.

Depressed or not, he sounds a right charmer and all the more so because he’s wasted no time in telling you that he’s enjoying himself and hasn’t missed you yet.
I don’t normally comment on threads like this but I’d like to think that in your shoes I’d be able to find some anger about his sense of entitlement and have the strength to not communicate with him again until the week is up. Let him have his week of enjoyment and stew a bit if he decides to contact you and you don’t answer.
I can well understand how upset you must be feeling but if possible you need to use any time you have spare to give some thought to what you want to happen if and when he’s ready to come home and perhaps do some digging about the other woman.

It’s easy for us to say that you should just tell him to sling his hook and that you’ll be better off without him. In practice it’s not that simple and you really need to be honest with yourself as to whether you want and can continue to live with someone who can just up and leave you (and 3 young children who you’ve had to lie to ) to worry for a week after dropping the bombshell that there is someone else in his life that makes him happy.
I am sorry that you have found yourself in this situation OP but please don’t let yourself be a doormat here. Do either you or your DH have family around?. If so and you haven’t already I wouldn’t hesitate to let them know what is going on.

I find it quite offensive to people who suffer with depression. Do you think most women with depression would just up and leave their kids with no word? Tell their partner they are not missing them? Depression doesn’t = “act like a dick”.

This.

It might honestly not be an affair but my god it’s a horrible thing. I’ve spent the last few months crying because dh isn’t sure he loves me anymore. We’re talking but I’m also learning how to be me again and it’s both heartbreaking and heartening too. Huge hugs x

You need to gain back control.

Tell him to go fuck his self and you've decided he isn't welcome back.

Who the fuck does he think he is.

You are better than this! Going on sertraline isn't a free pass to treat his family like shit!

Empower yourself

He's deciding if things will go further with this other woman she's probably married to and he's waiting to see if she will leave her husband.
Don't wait a week tell him you've made a decision you don't want him back, you are worth more than him.
Make a claim for universal credit as a single parent if you have to a fuck him right off out of your life, why would you want to be with someone who only chooses you if they have no better options in their eyes.
Don't be a doormat, hold your head high and walk tall it's his loss.

@Bboo3
This man is a manipulative POS, you should kick him to the curb.

He has left you and he is having an affair. You need to proceed on that basis.

@Bboo3, my heart goes out to you. Your faithless pig of a husband is treating all of you like shit on his shoe.

He’s way ahead of you, so you cannot afford to sit by passively. He is shunting you and the children aside so he can test drive his Girlfriend for a week. She will be having a lot of input into his decisions about your life, marriage and family.

Yes, @Bboo3, emotional affairs are very real, as the cheater opens a window to the shiny new person and channels his energy, affection, time and attention into her, building a strong emotional connection. Frankly, after pulling this stunt, I would assume that his infidelity has also turned physical.

Find your anger and take control! Stop interacting with him and giving him the opportunity to abuse you further [not missing you yet, indeed]. Use the time to consult with a solicitor to learn your legal/financial options.

@Bboo3, he is a physical and/or emotional adulterer, and his destructive actions and words are beyond the pale. He has put you in a triangle with his Girlfriend, so take yourself out and read him the riot act. Tell him that you will no longer be one of his options and the marriage is over. He’s a cheat who is capable of massive deception, manipulation and cruelty. Staying with him would guarantee a life of anxiety and uncertainty.

This! He's moved out to further his affair physically without feeling the guilt of his wife and family.

Take back control OP and do exactly as Valhalla suggests. No doubt his abandonment has floored you. Please take care of yourself and lean on friends and family for support.

He's depressed? 🙄 Straight out of the married man's script. Please don't play the 'pick me' dance. Lawyer up and play hard ball instead. You deserve better.

He’s a cheating arsehole and he’s trying to diminish responsibility for it by saying he’s depressed. He’s more inconvenienced than depressed by the fact that he’s made commitments and has responsibilities that he now wants to ignore for ‘fun times’ with another woman. I’m not sure how you can come back from this. It’s really awful but I think you need to consider that even if he did come back it would be miserable for you, knowing his feeling lie elsewhere and he could up and leave at any second again. It’s no way to be happy.

So sorry you are going through this Op , things are gonna be rough but believe me will be better in the long run . Your kids don't need a dad who can't cope with being around the family and needs breaks ! They eventually realise - mine did ! He is having an affair love . Go through the process, things will be ok , I promise x

@Bboo3 how are you this morning?

I think there is lots of reactions to this and true assessments .
I feel for you , he's behaving in a very poor way as a husband and a father . Depression doesn't cause this , has he given you a reason why he's depressed? What's his reason .
I suspect the weight of responsibility has hit him and he's thrown his dummy out . He wants a week of "freedom" I doubt he"ll come back . I've seen this happen to close friends . Some give this and the partner returns but continues to have "their own space " meaning a very unhappy wife and confused children . I would advise against letting him come home without him saying he is prepared to be a full parent / husband . This must come with a full acceptance from him that his behaviour is wrong .
I would also start putting money away

Im going through waves of anger and sadness. I told the kids he's not coming back, I feel better not lying to them.
He's angry that I've called it. I text him saying I'm not waiting for him he comes home now or it's over. And he keeps saying I'm missing the point of the break and that I'm being impatient as usual. I am an impatient person I'll admit that.
He hasn't asked about the kids once. He text this morning asking me to leave some trainers in the porch. I even suggested couple counselling and he just said no.
So I think it's over. I need to sort my money situation. But apart from that I'm gonna be ok. I do miss him so much. I keep checking my phone hoping for a grovelling apology. But I know I'm being stupid. 😪

Forget your relationship for a minute and just think what dad doesn't have contact or ask about his children for a week!
A useless selfish dad !
You sound tough . Well you would have to be to put up with his mind games .
Stick to your guns. Make plans and just focus on you and your children .
He will regret it one day .

Hi your husband isnt suffering from depression.
it looks like he has another women.
Tell him to get lost.
Your kids are more important than him.
Your sat there feeling miserable, for what?
He doesnt love you or his kids enough to just clear off.
He is playing you-
You are worth more than that

This. We are not yet 10 years down the line, but I am increasingly confident we will get there.

MN is not the place for support if you want to get past this.

Don't take him back after this OP. He will only do it again.