Tinder date did not go well 🫣

[BeRoseScroller]

After almost 3 weeks of texting non stop talking daily etc etc I finally met up with my tinder date. We met up and went back to his and in his words he freaked out. Said this happened with a girl he met last year and he just left. He’s been texting me since and keeps saying it’s not me it’s him he gets paranoid about things etc. I know he’s had some stuff go on the past couple of years and he’s an overthinker but he couldn’t get me out of there quick enough. He was like nice to meet you anyway even though Im really random. Then starts texting me at 1am in the morning saying he’s feeling naughty. Confused is an understatement. Maybe I should just stop communication with him 🤷‍♀️

Seriously? Why on earth would you want to see this guy again? Why do you care what's going on in his head? He was probably going to rape you and/or kill you but changed his mind at the last minute. Maybe not, who knows? But why are you desperately messaging him trying to get his attention? He's weird and a dickhead, and you had a lucky escape.

Women need to raise their standards here. It's fine to seek out sexual encounters with men, but at least vet them first to make sure they're not creepy weirdos. And if you want more than sex with a guy, you need to be clear from the beginning and not get drawn into sexting before you've even met. If they don't want a relationship, they will drop you when they realise you do. It's simple as that.

I can understand you feeling like that but it could’ve been worse - imagine if he had actually slept with you?! He’d have freaked out right after sex most likely and then wanted you to leave.

You will just need to chalk it up to experience, OP.

Block, lick your wounds and move on.

Could have been worse, BeRose. You had a lucky escape, the man is seriously weird.

Chalk it up to experience, don't do it again and move on.

It might be useful to set out some ‘rules’ for yourself before going back to online dating. My friends know which apps tend to get what sorts of outcomes, one has a ‘three texts then coffee’ rule, another has a list of words that if they appear before or closely after a meet then that’s a shut down (I’ll ask her if ‘naughty’ is one of them, I bloody bet it is). I’ve also heard them say ‘stay on app until meet’, no exchanging numbers and definitely no Whatsapping - I think that’s commonly understood as a way to get around app rules about dicks and tits.

There are more, that’s just a flavour. This stuff is talked about a lot in forums, have a look around and see what you could do with knowing about.

He managed to make me a coffee said he wasn’t kicking me out and I could stay we chatted for a bit but then kept asking if I wanted him to run me back to mine

Autism. Watch the goos doctor when leah tries to touch him. Prob really anxious and doesn't like touch but does?

Just forget him. Don't waste more time on home. I agree with PPs about not spending too much time chatting with people before meeting them. It just leads into disappointment. I used to meet someone in 1-4 days and moved on to next. Saves you from wasting time on someone who you don't get along face to face. Or who has issues like this one.

Please block him and move on. He's not worth your time.
In future don't engage in lengthy communication before meeting. If anyone actually want's a relationship, they'll want to arrange a meeting. Meet up for a quick coffee, in a public place. You'll learn far more about him from one hour in a coffee shop than you would from weeks of texting.
Please don't have first dates in a strange man's house again. You're putting yourself in danger. For all you know he has fantasies about torturing women to death, and chickened out of that at the last minute.

What???

Honestly Op don't pay too much attention to the nice things people say, look at how they treat you instead.

Oh my god, just stop this utter bullshit.

Autistic people have sex lives, girlfriends, boyfriends and do online dating just fine.

Stop making excuses for shitty men by throwing ND people under the bus.

Yeah watch their actions, not their words. That even goes for non-romantic relationships.

Sounds like he's getting his kicks from a "virtual" relationship. He's a hornbag when you're at arms length, a prime candidate for therapy.

What @pinkyredrose and @AnnaFrith said. These are good advices.

Waste no more energy on this. It’s obviously nothing to do with you - he knows nothing about you, you’ve not even had a light conversation by the sounds of it, so how could it be? Any more thinking about the ‘whys’ leads you into the ‘maybe I can help/fix him’ quicksand, for gods sake stay away from that. Get the Case Closed stamp out, file it, take the learning points and move on.

I don't think he wants sex in the sense of two people together OP, rather he wants you to flatter him and talk dirty to him in order to facilitate his masturbatory practices.

Grown men calling grown women “baby” 🤮 Is it just me?

@Dogdaysareoverihope Please say you have blocked him now - your updates just go from bad to worse. Onwards and upwards!

He wanted to run you back to your house?! What, so he will then know where you live

I hope you didn’t take him up on that offer.

whilst I would love to live in a world where it wasn’t necessary, you really need to think about your personal safety a lot more.

For what it’s worth I think this guy is just hopeless and messing you around. Ditch
Otherwise he comes across as a weirdo and potential abuser and/or stalker.

I did think this. He throws me out and then a couple of hours later said he’s feeling you know what 🙁 I give up

I suspect more he wanted the op to go.

Isn't that what Tinder is renowned for?

Op. When a man starts talking sex off the bat, and you agree to go to his house and shag him on th4 first meeting it is never ever about more than sex. Ever.

Well there qe go it's an anxiety issue then

You need to work out whether you want just sex or commitment.

They are 2 different things.

Someone who wants just sex, doesn’t want commitment and just wants to maybe shag once and then not speak again or multiple times but not be in a relationship.

Someone who wants commitment will also want sex but they will also want a relationship and see each other regularly.

The issue is is that some people will lie and say they want commitment but they actually don’t.

I typically find that anyone who talks about sex before meeting up, isn’t looking for commitment and wants only sex.

Anyone who invites you to theirs/wants to go yours the first time meeting isn’t wanting commitment either.

Next time, meet for a walk or coffee first and meet a couple of times before going to someone’s house.

If you want a one night stand then just be very careful and tell someone where you are going.

Fucks sake, WHY are you still giving this any headspace at all? You had one awful date with this guy. Stop picking it over like an old scab, block and move on!

I wish I had a pound for every mention of ‘naughty’ on this thread 😂.