Tinder date did not go well 🫣

[BeRoseScroller]

After almost 3 weeks of texting non stop talking daily etc etc I finally met up with my tinder date. We met up and went back to his and in his words he freaked out. Said this happened with a girl he met last year and he just left. He’s been texting me since and keeps saying it’s not me it’s him he gets paranoid about things etc. I know he’s had some stuff go on the past couple of years and he’s an overthinker but he couldn’t get me out of there quick enough. He was like nice to meet you anyway even though Im really random. Then starts texting me at 1am in the morning saying he’s feeling naughty. Confused is an understatement. Maybe I should just stop communication with him 🤷‍♀️

Too much drama for a first date - I would not be seeing him again!

You don’t know this man at all.
He isn’t who you have built him up to be in your head. I would not believe a single word he says about ex and therapy etc.
He’s very weird.
He doesn’t want anything physical with you, he just wants you to carry on sexting and getting off that way.

FFS give him zero seconds more of your thoughts and time. Block him and FFS stop asking him for coffees etc.

Sounds like he gets off on the planning not the delivery. He’s getting his kicks from the communicating about it - and probably from the follow up.

block him. Find someone who wants human contact!

I met someone like this. Wanted sex but freaked out. Walk away. Head fuck was an understatement, way to make a woman paranoid. Not worth the hassle, I'm not generally one for blocking but block him and go and find someone normal.

If a male friend of mine told me he'd been sexting with a woman for weeks, then she came round to his house for sex, 'freaked out' and left, and then texted him again in the hours of the morning expecting him to sext again because she was 'feeling naughty' I would absolutely tell him to cut his losses and call it a day with her.

Yes, it might be anxiety. So what? People aren't responsible for fixing other people, particularly people they barely bloody know. If they'd already built up a real rapport over time and had invested emotionally in each other, then sure. But they haven't. They're two strangers who have been assisting each other's wanks on WhatsApp, that's all. She's not his therapist.

Again, so what? He needs to work through his issues in therapy. It's not the OP's responsibility to be his gateway back to in-person fucking.

It has really made me feel that way, even though he keeps saying he is the one who’s paranoid it’s not me etc etc

I am not saying it is but if this was a woman saying the man had no patience with her bwt you wouldn't be saying the same thing but also depends if she liked him apart from this

I did think this too xx

Oh @BeRoseScroller , there are enough red flags here to make bunting for a circus. Block him, he doesn't know what he wants and he sounds unhinged.

Gosh he sounds like a right pain already… Next!

He’s got some weird sexual hang up, but who cares what really? Just bin him off and move on.

If he was posting here for advice I’d tell him he’s obviously not the sort for casual sex with someone he’s never met before, and that’s okay. Neither am I, so the plans you had wouldn’t work for me,

Tell him you clearly aren't suited and wish him luck in the future. Then block him. He's clearly got issues which don't need to become issues for you.

Why is everyone saying “Block him” like he’s some sort of stalker?

Just politely tell him that you don’t see a future with him, thank him for the times you have shared but be clear there will be no more dates.

Be an adult, none of this blocking nonsense!

@BeRoseScroller i think tbh it’s really concerning that you are giving it this amount of head space and even messaging him asking to meet up.
I think you need to seriously think about your standards and your boundaries. You should be throwing this one back without any question or a second glance, he’s messed you around and clearly has major issues which you really don’t need to be dealing with after knowing each other a few weeks.

My guess would be, he has some sexual issue- erectile dysfunction, prem ejaculation, micropenis etc. He wanted to get it on but then panicked. Then wants to sext later. I would run for the hills!

Oddballs are humans too.They have feelings.But must be harshly judged in mumsnet world

Please remember.

ADHD is not an excuse for shitty behaviour or a bad personality.

I have that and wouldn't dream of treating someone that way.

He shouldn't be dating if he isn't ready. Throw this one back.

The midnight booty calls fully suggest he knows he is doing.

It seems sensible, if the op receives or sees no texts or missed calls from him, she won't engage with him. He will soon get the message too and move on, if he hasn't already.

He sounds seriously weird and the op was unwise to go home with him but it's in the past now. If he kept popping up it would be more difficult to place him in the past.

I sincerely hope she gave him no way of tracing her address or where she works. However, as you implied, we've no reason to think he is.a stalker so all will probably be well from now on.

Everyone has baggage but when that much comes out on a first date you need to move on.

This, you both sound completely immature to be honest.

Did you even go for a "date" or was it just a booty call to his house?!

ADHD is not an excuse for shitty behaviour or a bad personality

Jesus, the poor guy thought he wanted sex, and when the time came, he backed out. Since then he’s been giving mixed messages. Calling that shitty behaviour or a bad personality is way too harsh!

Obviously he likes the OP but struggles with intimacy. Up to the Op whether she wants to dump him of course, but this doesn’t make him a bad person!

@BeRoseScroller

You have been very careless with your personal safety. You got into a car with a strange man and then you went into the home, behind locked doors, of a strange man. Not content with that, you imply that he drove you home, so now knows where you live.

Women are attacked or murdered weekly-it's not a myth. Catch yourself by the hand and have a little more regard for your safety.

You then allowed him to have a fumble about before he decided he didn't like the look or feel of you and freaked out. That was probably enough for him to masturbate over later. Next time, he will ask you to wank him while talking dirty to him because that's all he can manage!

Did he even cook you the promised meal? I'm going to guess not.

If you have any regard for yourself or your dignity, block this man now. although of course he knows where you live if he wants to continue stringing you along.

Are you really going to lower yourself for a man who had a quick grope and then pushed you out of the door? He must think you will, he thinks he has sized you up and you are so lacking in self regard that you will allow him to fuck you about in this way.

You have put a bargain basement sign around your neck, Take it off.

I doubt he's ever had sex OP.