Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Tinder date did not go well 🫣

502 replies

BeRoseScroller · 06/09/2024 08:26

After almost 3 weeks of texting non stop talking daily etc etc I finally met up with my tinder date. We met up and went back to his and in his words he freaked out. Said this happened with a girl he met last year and he just left. He’s been texting me since and keeps saying it’s not me it’s him he gets paranoid about things etc. I know he’s had some stuff go on the past couple of years and he’s an overthinker but he couldn’t get me out of there quick enough. He was like nice to meet you anyway even though Im really random. Then starts texting me at 1am in the morning saying he’s feeling naughty. Confused is an understatement. Maybe I should just stop communication with him 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
BeRoseScroller · 06/09/2024 10:59

PorridgeIsNotSlimmingTheWayIMakeIt · 06/09/2024 10:56

Except when he chops them into little pieces, harvests their organs and boils their head for breakfast.

Seriously OP chuck this one back!

Im not the type at all to just go back to someone’s house when I haven’t met them etc. All I keep getting is it’s not you Rose it’s me Im freaking out. So I suggested I stop texting him, then he says no it’s fine. I give up 😂😂

OP posts:
Starlight1979 · 06/09/2024 10:59

To quote @WildCats24

Do you really have time in your life for:
But maybe he…
Did he really mean…
Why did he…
What does it really mean when he…
But one time he said..
Just. No.

THIS 💯

Any "relationship" that starts with this amount of questioning and doubt is never going anywhere.

MurdoMunro · 06/09/2024 11:01

My friends who use OLD tell me that Tinder used to mostly be about the hook-ups in the flesh but has now become more about sexting or requests for FaceTime hook-ups. Don’t know if that’s other people’s experience. It sounds like free 0800/Only Fans to me (someone said something similar above)

Lizzie67384 · 06/09/2024 11:01

BeRoseScroller · 06/09/2024 10:56

Yeah. He text me before asking if I do this often (which I’ve never done before) as he’s paranoid about Sti’s etc - then said he doesn’t normally invite strangers back to his place

Ewww he sounds horrible! Why are you interested in him when all he has given you so far red flags, surely?

TheCultureHusks · 06/09/2024 11:03

Listen to EVERYONE on here - your personal Gallup poll, be grateful you have it.

You want to find a nice normal guy to have a good functioning relationship with, yes?

if so…

Block. This. Nutjob.

BeRoseScroller · 06/09/2024 11:03

Lizzie67384 · 06/09/2024 11:01

Ewww he sounds horrible! Why are you interested in him when all he has given you so far red flags, surely?

He text me saying he got tested a few months ago asked me if he could ask a personal question then asked if I’d slept with many guys as he’s paranoid about sti’s 🤷‍♀️🙄🫣

OP posts:
redwinechocolateandsnacks · 06/09/2024 11:03

Naughty - ugh! Why are you still connecting with him.

Waterboatlass · 06/09/2024 11:04

You say you want a serious relationship that is also 'naughty'. Look, almost all serious romantic relationships at this age involve a sexual element (this of course can wane over time).

Unless there is a reason why not, at your ages it is assumed that sex will be part of an adult relationship. If not, it will usually be mentioned (e.g. asexuality or a medical reason).

You don't have to go into all of that in detail prior to meeting someone and it's actually best that you don't.

You have no idea if you will want to proceed sexually in person without meeting, so best to set out what you're looking for, quick chat, meet for a drink, coffee, or lunch, whatever, then decide whether you would like to see them further. You'll either fancy each other or you won't.

I once made the mistake of getting into sexual chat with a guy, met him and didn't fancy him at all. He did like me and it was excruciating!! Luckily it was only for drinks and I had a train to catch rather than having to deflect plans to go home that night. Lesson learned. Pre meeting chemistry isn't real.

You don't want a fixer upper. You don't want an oversharer. You don't want a timewaster.

Once more for @AccountCreateUsername naughtyyyyy

TheBerry · 06/09/2024 11:04

YABU for not dropping him the second he described himself as “naughty” 🤢

TipsyJoker · 06/09/2024 11:04

BeRoseScroller · 06/09/2024 11:03

He text me saying he got tested a few months ago asked me if he could ask a personal question then asked if I’d slept with many guys as he’s paranoid about sti’s 🤷‍♀️🙄🫣

Another red flag. It’s none of his business.
Please run a mile and then another from this man immediately. He’s a walking red flag!

WmFnKdSg1234 · 06/09/2024 11:05

@BeRoseScroller

You owe this guy nothing - you've met one time. He's a stranger. You don't know him and have no obligation to him.

Why are you still texting him, fretting and being concerned about him?

It sounds like you don't want to let him go, that you want to keep trying with him. Why is that?

Starlight1979 · 06/09/2024 11:06

BeRoseScroller · 06/09/2024 11:03

He text me saying he got tested a few months ago asked me if he could ask a personal question then asked if I’d slept with many guys as he’s paranoid about sti’s 🤷‍♀️🙄🫣

WHAT?!?! Jesus why have you even entertained this idiot?!

My DP doesn't have a clue how many men I've slept with. And vice versa. And we've been together years. Why would you even discharge this information to someone on Tinder?!

Oh and it doesn't make the slightest bit of difference in terms of how likely it is that you have an STI. You can get an STI once from having sex with one person and not get any from having sex with hundreds of men.

He sounds like a complete weirdo.

BeRoseScroller · 06/09/2024 11:07

TipsyJoker · 06/09/2024 11:04

Another red flag. It’s none of his business.
Please run a mile and then another from this man immediately. He’s a walking red flag!

I know. It’s just upset me if Im honest. More upset at myself for getting myself in this situation. A few weeks ago he was saying oh stay over for the night I’ll cook for you this and that

OP posts:
Lizzie67384 · 06/09/2024 11:07

Starlight1979 · 06/09/2024 11:06

WHAT?!?! Jesus why have you even entertained this idiot?!

My DP doesn't have a clue how many men I've slept with. And vice versa. And we've been together years. Why would you even discharge this information to someone on Tinder?!

Oh and it doesn't make the slightest bit of difference in terms of how likely it is that you have an STI. You can get an STI once from having sex with one person and not get any from having sex with hundreds of men.

He sounds like a complete weirdo.

Yeah exactly and who would even trust what a random stranger says about their STI status? If a man on tinder said to me he was STi free, I wouldn’t immediately think, oh great, unprotected sex here we come!

Starlight1979 · 06/09/2024 11:08

BeRoseScroller · 06/09/2024 11:07

I know. It’s just upset me if Im honest. More upset at myself for getting myself in this situation. A few weeks ago he was saying oh stay over for the night I’ll cook for you this and that

Well you didn't stay over, didn't have sex (thank god) and now you can move on.

MonsteraMama · 06/09/2024 11:08

Oh look, the bar just got lower. Again. Somehow. It's going to come out the other side of the planet at this rate.

And yet, every time I think it can't possibly, possibly get any lower, along comes a man like this and limbos under it, and along comes a woman inexplicably willing to date him. Incredible.

Starlight1979 · 06/09/2024 11:09

Lizzie67384 · 06/09/2024 11:07

Yeah exactly and who would even trust what a random stranger says about their STI status? If a man on tinder said to me he was STi free, I wouldn’t immediately think, oh great, unprotected sex here we come!

😂

BeRoseScroller · 06/09/2024 11:09

Starlight1979 · 06/09/2024 11:08

Well you didn't stay over, didn't have sex (thank god) and now you can move on.

He started to you know what, then stopped said he couldn’t do it as he was freaking out 🫣 So now I just feel awful

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 06/09/2024 11:11

If some random was asking me about my sti status I'd wonder if they were planning to try skipping the condoms tbh.

Maybe he was so nervous as he was planning to do something he knew you wouldn't like in the bedroom.

countrysidelife2024 · 06/09/2024 11:11

honestly sounds like mental health issues unless you have slept with him, then he just wants you for sex

TipsyJoker · 06/09/2024 11:12

BeRoseScroller · 06/09/2024 11:03

He text me saying he got tested a few months ago asked me if he could ask a personal question then asked if I’d slept with many guys as he’s paranoid about sti’s 🤷‍♀️🙄🫣

If he’s so concerned about sti’s the solution is to either not have sex or use protection, NOT to question you about your previous sexual history before you’d even met in person! Who does he think he is?! He clearly thinks he has rights to you which he does not. That’s very scary. This guy is a bona fide mental case. Seriously. He’s playing all sorts of abuser cards here that are very clear to see if you know anything about domestic abuse, (which I do). If you’re going into the dating pool, I would suggest you read this before doing so. It will help you spot red flags and potentially unsafe men.

https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

Rumshotsandrainshowers · 06/09/2024 11:12

I’m also finding your thought process very odd, a little disturbing. All romantic adult relationships involve sex normally. It’s not being “a bit naughty.” It’s not something you need to call out like this. Like it’s something unusual.

secondly meeting strangers for sex and agreeing to go to their house first time is really bloody risky , you’re lucky you got away with just what happened. It could have been so much worse.

and then to go chasing after him. He was obviously concerned about inviting a stranger to his house for sex. Even though he agreed it. Then got cold feet when he met you.

if you want a relationship then just get to know the person.go on some dates and let sex happen naturally.

pinkyredrose · 06/09/2024 11:13

BeRoseScroller · 06/09/2024 10:12

Thanks. I’ve texted him asking if he wants to meet up for a coffee no pressure for anything else. His usual thing is to read my texts but not reply so think I should just leave this one

Why would you ask him for coffee?🤔

BeRoseScroller · 06/09/2024 11:14

pinkyredrose · 06/09/2024 11:13

Why would you ask him for coffee?🤔

I wanted to see if he just wanted to chill and get to know each other without all this stuff in the bedroom that he’s been going on about since day 1

OP posts:
Rumshotsandrainshowers · 06/09/2024 11:14

TipsyJoker · 06/09/2024 11:12

If he’s so concerned about sti’s the solution is to either not have sex or use protection, NOT to question you about your previous sexual history before you’d even met in person! Who does he think he is?! He clearly thinks he has rights to you which he does not. That’s very scary. This guy is a bona fide mental case. Seriously. He’s playing all sorts of abuser cards here that are very clear to see if you know anything about domestic abuse, (which I do). If you’re going into the dating pool, I would suggest you read this before doing so. It will help you spot red flags and potentially unsafe men.

https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

I’m not sure I agree with this to be fair. He’s clearly agreed to meet her for sex then got really worried about it, it’s obviously not something he does on the regular.i don’t think it means he feels entitled or is a mental case as you charmingly put it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread