Tinder date did not go well 🫣

[BeRoseScroller]

After almost 3 weeks of texting non stop talking daily etc etc I finally met up with my tinder date. We met up and went back to his and in his words he freaked out. Said this happened with a girl he met last year and he just left. He’s been texting me since and keeps saying it’s not me it’s him he gets paranoid about things etc. I know he’s had some stuff go on the past couple of years and he’s an overthinker but he couldn’t get me out of there quick enough. He was like nice to meet you anyway even though Im really random. Then starts texting me at 1am in the morning saying he’s feeling naughty. Confused is an understatement. Maybe I should just stop communication with him 🤷‍♀️

Well said!

Having read most of the comments and it's clear you really liked him, why dont you suggest meeting up again, even once or twice and don't mention going back to his, he might even relax and open up a bit more. I don't think jumping into bed straight away is a good idea anyway, you need to get to know him first! Especially after his freaking out incident!

Run for the hills! Seems like all he wants is a mother figure to 'help him out! Never mind your needs and desires.
Stay at home, head too BBC Good Food, type in Apple & Almond cake and bake. If it mentions Pomona, it's the right one.
Lovely neighbour showed up with a bag full of apples from his garden. Returned compliment by making this brilliant, super easy bake. Ignored the Pomona (don't even know what it is) and the glaze too (makes it too sweet like the shop stuff) and substituted dessicated coconut for the ground almonds (thought I had some) . Results off the scale good - eat warm.

How desperate is this. She’s asked him and he’s ignored her. How could you possibly recommend she keeps chasing him. How degrading,

Sadly unless you really like him can be very patient and think you could enjoy time together I wouldn’t continue. I met my soulmate on Tinder I am a veteran on dating sites he was my last date before giving up. Although I had a couple of short relationships. Some people think talking dirty flirty is de rigour but I know if you do and then meet it can be awkward and leave you nowhere to go
Txting at 1pm is not good is he drunk drugged or just lonely and unable to sleep Sounds complex do you need this in your life Plenty more Fish excuse the pun Good luck

Absolutely not public place safety first and always

Something is very wrong here, cut contact immediately.

Your asking the wrong people in the wrong place for advice, they all hate men in here of course they tell you to get rid of him.

“Get rid of him” lol they’re not even together in any meaningful way, their interaction so far has consisted of weeks of texting and sexting, then one night of the man panicking and getting cold feet and taking her home then texting her again about feeling “naughty”.

He may or may not be a bad person, but he is definitely all over the place. Why invest so much into someone you’re not even in a relationship with if they’re showing such issues from the start?

FWIW I think Op needs to work on herself before dating too.

This is a bit silly, most of us are in happy relationships. She’s nothing to get rid of, he’s not interested.

I have. I messaged him saying no pressure maybe we could meet up chill out and have a coffee and a wine. Ball is in his court now I can’t do anymore or text him anymore.

This will be my last post on this before I unfollow as it is utterly depressing, the fact that you’re leaving the ball in his court rather than taking action to cut things off shows your self esteem is at rock bottom @BeRoseScroller
And your self-preservation instincts
are low too.

If you don’t address the root issues which has led to you tolerating this behaviour, putting yourself in these kind of risky situations and raise your standards - it will be someone else next time but the date /relationship could go even worse.

As others have pointed out you’ve actually got off lightly.

I went to the home of a mentally unstable man when I was 21 once and I learnt my lesson even at that young age.

Pages and pages of advice and not sure if you have learnt anything from this.

I think I just placed too much on it. It was the first meet with a guy for a while.

You did.

I think you’re suffering from the sunk costs fallacy- you think you’ve invested so much into this, that it is worth persevering, but NOTHING that happens before a first meeting is real.

Next time, don’t exchange messages for more than a week. When I was OLD I was much more brutal- if they weren’t interested in a coffee after a few exchanges, then I cut it off. I don’t have time for endless texting.

I know that some people like to text a bit, but the aim of texting should be to establish whether they seem like decent human beings who can hold a conversation and to filter out any weirdos. No sex chat before meeting.

there was one guy I was quite flirty with. I thought I fancied him having only texted him- then he turned up and I knew instantly I didn’t. Not sexy in real life and much more nervous. Ick.

you’ve put too much on this because it’s been the first guy in ages. I know people here say you need to get off the apps and work on yourself- that definitely an option. However, you maybe also need to keep a few irons in the fire OLD. Maybe text a few guys in same week, set up dates with different guys over one week - and make it a quick drink/coffee. Then you can decide if you fancy them and take it further.

You need to back away from this one- he’s a dipshit! And probably a virgin

Thanks for that. I actually was attracted to him when I met up thought he was cute etc. I don’t think he’s a bad person but was just very nervous about the whole thing.

Berose. You’re still joining over this guy. I don’t think there’s much we can do here to help you

Op I mean this politely, but is this the first man to show any interest in a very long time?

I have. I messaged him saying no pressure maybe we could meet up chill out and have a coffee and a wine. Ball is in his court now I can’t do anymore or text him anymore.

Oh OP! Almost every person on here thinks you should walk away from this chap but you've invited him for another date. Why ask for advice only to ignore it?

Nobody deserves to be treated this way, OP, but that doesn't mean you should keep inviting him to mistreat you.

Why on earth would you ever speak to him again after that? You really need to get some perspective here. Don't you think you deserve something better? Would you behave that way with someone? Are you really interested in someone who clearly only wants you for his sexual gratification? He doesn't even want to sexually gratify you at the same time! He's just... no.

As for the people on this thread encouraging you... shame on them.

Firs, if you want a shag, or some hot night of naughty-kinky-fuckery, or BDSM, or to go swinging - You do that. We are all human and have needs. I am sorry that MumsNet is full of Church-going prudes, dabbing their nose with their pristine hankies while sniffing at the word "Naughty". That's a -them- problem. If they feel a hot one night stand is something to be frowned at, it's because they have self-esteem issues and no confidence - They are not your concern. This is not the 1950's.

I have absolutely no problem with hot one night stands or kinky sex, but for that, I wouldn’t pick someone with a germ phobia who can only get his rocks off via the medium of text messaging. I’d pick a confident sexually functional adult who was as keen to get down to business as I was. Who needs this level of angst and dithering for a one night stand?

Meant to say ‘mooning’ not joining. But I think you may have understood anyway. I’m sorry OP, you are obviously feeling in the dumps about all of this. But you have to take charge of that, from what you’ve described this fella isn’t going to make you feel better. Decide what you want, whether it’s sex dungeons or holding hands on the beach and find a guy who wants the same. Trying to mould him into something he’s not is a waste of time.

I know. Even have my own ex telling me to move on and forget about him and trust me he is not the perfect person 😂 I get that he was really nervous I get that he doesn’t usually do it bring strangers back to his place

Yes. Well I’ve had interest but it’s never progressed to meeting up, in past couple of years probably why I put too much into this and too much on it, ☹️

Yeah, if he's 40. This isn't improving, I suspect what he's after is naughty photos he can enjoy alone.

This sounds too much hassle

Ach fair enough, you need to try to calm down though, honestly don’t start talking sex immediatly, if they do close it down, and do not agree to go to men’s houses to have sex with them op. It’s not going to get you what yoy want,