Tinder date did not go well 🫣

[BeRoseScroller]

After almost 3 weeks of texting non stop talking daily etc etc I finally met up with my tinder date. We met up and went back to his and in his words he freaked out. Said this happened with a girl he met last year and he just left. He’s been texting me since and keeps saying it’s not me it’s him he gets paranoid about things etc. I know he’s had some stuff go on the past couple of years and he’s an overthinker but he couldn’t get me out of there quick enough. He was like nice to meet you anyway even though Im really random. Then starts texting me at 1am in the morning saying he’s feeling naughty. Confused is an understatement. Maybe I should just stop communication with him 🤷‍♀️

Thankyou I really appreciate this. Feel like I have had a bashing a little on here and it has actually upset me as I did really like him

Definitely this! He could literally have been anyone....

Snapchat is the new hookup app. Proving men don't even care to look at a pic before expecting sex.

Ahhhhhh! I didn’t know this, now it makes sense as to why I keep getting asked for my Snapchat. I don’t have it, heck I don’t even have insta as I hate social media, but I did notice that I was getting pressured into moving from the app I was on to Snapcht by the dudes I was chatting with, now I see it’s because they were probably trying to keep all their chats in one place to make it easier, lol

I'm sure you've realised ,going back to a complete strangers home is a really bad idea!! This one was mentally unstable , that is obvious from your post. It could have been worse! Wait at least a year before you go it alone with a man, always stay in public where others are around!! In this day and age.. nothing is taken for granted!

Someone who’s going to do your head in 🤔

Move on

Yes.From what l can gather, there are people who just want message all the time, for whatever reason, not able to commit to anything in real life

Tinder has been just a hook up site for years now. Use a different platform if you want to meet a normal guy who wants to have a relationship.

Oh god please don't reconnect with him.
He sounds potentially worrying.

If he can turn so easily and panic my thought was that he may have had thoughts of doing something he might regret, like perhaps harm you OP. I know you're not liking the advice you're getting here, but this man sounds potentially dangerous to me and you've had a lucky escape.

I think it’s partly because a lot of men on apps are not single. Research has shown that around 50% are married or in relationships. Then a lot the ones who are genuinely single are not really ready for a relationship but are bored and lonely and want an ego boost
or maybe sex/sexting.

I learnt to filter out the forever texters super quick. I rarely gave my phone number out unless we’d actually scheduled a date. If they wanted a phone call before we arrange a meet up I used to call them from a withheld number.

I have zero patience for men who just want to message for weeks or months on end or start moaning about life in their first few messages. We all have our grumbles but that’s what friends or therapists are for, not someone you've just met 2 minutes ago on a dating app.

You'd be better with a paid for site. That at least weeds out some of the idiots.

Set your standards v high.

Snapchat removes the evidence after 24 hours too or instantly if they change the settings 🤣 It's far creepier than the rest.

Also they can post stories too so you quickly spot the whiny babies, the posers and the attention seekers. It has its perks!

Yes exactly this.

Yikes - dump him.

OP, you say you feel like you've had a bashing on here.

What happens here is a huge army of women who've been through just about every shit experience you can imagine have got your back.

And sometimes that is your gran, your mum, your aunties, your sisters, your daughters, your friends telling you to pull yourself together with tough talk, tough love and kind hearts.

Firs, if you want a shag, or some hot night of naughty-kinky-fuckery, or BDSM, or to go swinging - You do that. We are all human and have needs. I am sorry that MumsNet is full of Church-going prudes, dabbing their nose with their pristine hankies while sniffing at the word "Naughty". That's a -them- problem. If they feel a hot one night stand is something to be frowned at, it's because they have self-esteem issues and no confidence - They are not your concern. This is not the 1950's.

This guy sounds ND with OCD. The fact he is paranoid about STI's makes me think he has OCD with germs. Was his place extremely clean? OCD is usually also followed up/A-symptamatic of Autism which also goes hand-in-hand with ADHD, or ADD. He sounds like he needs someone to give him a chance, but how much of a chance he is given is up to you. If you do give him another chance, then you need to lay down some ground rules and tell him to stop wasting your time. Being ND doesn't prevent someone from being spoken to like an adult.

If he continues on this path - Walk away. It shouldn't be this complicated at the start.

Goodness. Get rid stop texting. Sounds like a nutjob. It really shouldn't be so much work.

He wants you to chase him, be concerned about him, make him your priority, etc
And at 40 years old?

It's a 'fuck that' from me

You know the answer, get rid.

He's not looking for a partner. He's looking for a kind-hearted woman with strong and highly developed nurturing instincts, who would likely take him on, baggage and all as a 'cause.' The kind of person who can't bear to see a stray kitty on the street.

If you stick with it, you'll find yourself sucked in to a hellish quagmire of guilt and misplaced responsibility and further on down the road, very likely abuse. It will take over your life. Block, run, forget, move on.

If it was the other way round, and the guy had come round to mine - then I had decided I didn't want sex with this stranger, would I be a head case? I would have the right to change my mind and say no. Maybe he doesn't know how to explain it?
Maybe he's a decent man who can't handle sex with someone he doesn't know? And someone who might have had sex with loads of other people,? Personally I wouldn't have sex with anyone I hadn't met up with several times, got to know as a person and had some spark with. I wouldn't want someone who slept with everyone they met either. That gives me the ick.
And I wouldn't go round to their house before I knew them, that's very risky.

That's not a self esteem issue, it's the opposite, self respect. I'm not giving it to anyone who wants it from me.

Throw him back, he’s a project BF. Keep searching for your Unicorn BF