Tinder date did not go well 🫣

[BeRoseScroller]

After almost 3 weeks of texting non stop talking daily etc etc I finally met up with my tinder date. We met up and went back to his and in his words he freaked out. Said this happened with a girl he met last year and he just left. He’s been texting me since and keeps saying it’s not me it’s him he gets paranoid about things etc. I know he’s had some stuff go on the past couple of years and he’s an overthinker but he couldn’t get me out of there quick enough. He was like nice to meet you anyway even though Im really random. Then starts texting me at 1am in the morning saying he’s feeling naughty. Confused is an understatement. Maybe I should just stop communication with him 🤷‍♀️

You didn’t really get your fingers burnt though op, he wasn’t up for the sex, had a coffee with you, even offered to drive you home. Yes it wasn’t what you weee hoping for but to be fair there was very little chance it would be what you hoped. And you got away lucky, he could have hurt or abused you in some way,he just didn’t wish to have sex or spend time together, hurtful , yes, but it could have been so much worse,

he didn’t drive me home as he just dropped me back off at my car in his car park. Yeah he had a coffee but he couldn’t get out of there quick enough. 🫣

Yeah block him! Sounds like hard work Move it along

If he just wanted occasional sex, he wouldn't have freaked out. There is more to it , may be he had some bad experience or just went cold feet. It happens to people, if you like him give him another chance. I don't see any problem, tbh that's very genuine that he didn't feel comfortable at that moment. Not all blokes are same.

Tell him to rejoin tinder when he has finished therapy and started meds!

I do like him and we were going to meet up the next night but the next night he told me he was freaking out so there was nothing I could say or do. I said no pressure etc and he just read my texts the day after but no reply.

The fact that you've even posted about this man, this situation, this confusion on here should tell you that it's not a healthy scenario. Finito.

Absolutely! 🤮

You’ve known him 3 weeks which means you don’t really know anything about him, apart from the fact he’s an absolute weirdo. Stop bloody chasing him.

Yes this.

I haven't read full thread ( sorry I know 🤦‍♀️). The fact you're even entertaining this still, which you definitely are, says you have got to work on yourself please and aim much higher.

I don't care what his reason is - it's an absolute no no and don't communicate ever bloody again.

I put myself at great risk when I was younger. But now I wonder how I didn't encounter more danger / tbh. Have you watched that film about the girl strangled to death after meeting her Tinder date in New Zealand and going back to a hotel with him?

Can you just buy a vibrator ffs and if you want something serious then date properly, for a very long bloody time before you go anywhere near his house or getting in his undies. This isn't about being moral because I certainly had plenty of casual experiences in my youth ( which I regret alot of). This is about avoiding some absolute nut job, about keeping yourself safe emotionally and mentally and not getting loved up too quickly with some beast of a man.

Lecture over. 🙏

You’re making excuses.

He should work on his issues before dating.

I wouldn’t waste anymore time or energy on this.

OMG, 40 is far too old for this. You can feel empathy for him, as a human being - he obviously has issues - but it is not your job to sort him out. You are not the man's psychiatrist. He needs professional help, in order to deal with whatever his problems are. He can then, hopefully, move forward in a mature and healthier way. In the meantime, you need to find yourself an emotionally intelligent partner. Don't settle for anything less!

Two days of people telling you to drop him. Have you told him yet? It certainly looks like you're continuing to give him head space.

OP, I just read that you're in your 40s!

Please look at finding a counsellor, a female one, and go explore what's happening here. There's no shame at all in this.

I imagine various things in your life have led to this. You are at massive risk of attracting absolute psychopaths or general abusers based on the way you're viewing things and approaching this.

If YOU are Neurodivergent OP, I believe you're at greater risk of being exploited. I don't care if he's ADHD - no excuse for being a total dick in his behaviour towards you.

When people show you who they are, believe them.

This guy is NOT ready to date. If you choose to pursue a relationship with him, you are setting yourself up for this kind of hot-and-cold uncertainty and emotional rollercoaster rides. If that's what you want -- vaya con Dios. Otherwise block him (or bow out first, whatever you prefer) and move on.

I highly recommend the Burned Haystack Dating Method, which can be found on Facebook and Instagram. The easiest way to find a needle in a haystack is to burn it down. At the first sign of something not feeling right, block him ("block to burn" or "B2B"). Do not waste one more precious minute on this guy, who obviously has a long therapy road ahead of him.

I was going to comment the same.

wow.. everyone is in such a rush to get rid of him. it's your personal choice what you feel for him but i would have just say kept it as it is, there is no rush to go that step further. if it happens, it happens if it doesn't then at least you would know over time. 3 weeks is not a very long time, sometimes it takes months.

You’re both at the “be naughty” thing 😬
And you’re both over 40, you say?

Rinks31 I tried all that told him no pressure, it was okay, no reply.

@BeRoseScroller

Are you still here, chawing the rag over this very strange bloke who has treated you like shite, even after all the advice you have had is to run. I know there are a few exceptions making excuses for him but they could have their own agenda or could even be men. Most of us wouldn't use him as an arse wipe.

It's clear that even if The Pope, The King and Mary Berry stood in front of you in conclave and told you to run , you would still be mee-mowing about him.

So, ring him. Tell him you are so sorry he was under so much pressure, so sorry he freaked out and would he like you to come around with a bag over your head, make him a cheese and pickle sandwich and give him a wank while talking naughty. Tell him that he doesn't even have to make you a cup of coffee this time.

Cut right to the chase. You know you want to, babe!

He could be a virgin, maybe gay and doesn’t want to admit that, perhaps asexual. Who knows. Bit never ever would I go back to someone’s place so soon.

Maybe he was going to murder you but bottled it at the last minute. 🙄Sorry, but no. He sounds mad.

Ignoring everything else, the lack of respect to not reply after his freak out needs to be your final straw.

It's bloody hard negotiating the mine field of OLD and feeling vulnerable or lonely or whatever can lead to impulsive and bad decisions. Doesn't make you stupid or immature or whatever else PPs have said.

You do deserve better though and it is easy to feel like you've made a connection with someone with intense texting in a short time. Especially if it's not something you are used to. Unfortunately there are many like him out there and you will probably find you become desensitised to the love bombing, if you can stick it out long enough to actually meet someone genuine.

Don't be so hard on yourself, give yourself breathing space. Work out what you want from OLD and don't give them your phone number until after you've met. Easier to unmatch than get stalked.

Am I out of the loop ? But thought tinder was just for hookups, sex ..

This!

I don’t get it..the first sign of nonsense I’m gone, chasing him and asking him if he’s ok etc wouldn’t even enter my mind… this is why I have remained single for so long, not because I want to be but the men ( on OLD) are either damaged in some way, or they expect 100% from me whilst giving me 10% at best.

I remember one cheeky git a couple months ago that was waffling on about meeting after his shift at work ( it was a bit sooner than I would have liked but it was nice and sunny that week so thought may as well, and I must admit he was very good looking lol) so i agreed, he worked in the west end of London i live north London so I proposed the city of London which would be a mid point for both of us, but he didn’t want to because he didn’t like East London 🙄 and he started to suggest places that was even further for me, but closer to home for him (which was in west London), so I suggested another place, now it was still in the city but closer to the west end where he worked, he decided to ignore the message, so I said ok, he’s not keen on that either so I just left it, and I certainly had no intention of messaging him.

The next day he messages saying “are we not meeting to then?” I looked at my phone thinking this dude has some brass neck, So I replied “ you didn’t reply to say yes or no so I just assumed you wasn’t keen and I wasn’t going to press the issue, especially given that YOU proposed the meet but not willing to compromise on the location”

The cheeky sh*t then said..”I was too tired to read all your words in the message and couldn’t be bothered to reply”

I said no more and just blocked him. However he was like this because he was good looking and knew it and women would usually jump when he told them to, I warned him for the off I didn’t care how hot he looked or how big his D was.. first sign of what I consider you being headache I’m gone. If you are annoying me in what should be the nice, fluffy stage, I can almost guarantee it won’t get better with time and quite frankly I don’t want to take the risk of hanging around to see if it does get better