Tinder date did not go well 🫣

[BeRoseScroller]

After almost 3 weeks of texting non stop talking daily etc etc I finally met up with my tinder date. We met up and went back to his and in his words he freaked out. Said this happened with a girl he met last year and he just left. He’s been texting me since and keeps saying it’s not me it’s him he gets paranoid about things etc. I know he’s had some stuff go on the past couple of years and he’s an overthinker but he couldn’t get me out of there quick enough. He was like nice to meet you anyway even though Im really random. Then starts texting me at 1am in the morning saying he’s feeling naughty. Confused is an understatement. Maybe I should just stop communication with him 🤷‍♀️

Bloody hell, OP. I cannot believe you text him inviting him for coffee after that… 🤦🏻‍♀️ find your self respect, hold your head up, block him and move on.

You can't say sext!!! It's 'you know what-ing'

He might be a really nice guy and just have stuff going on that he needs to deal with in his own head…but you don’t need to be his therapist. In my experience, things like this were nearly always a red flag that I looked back on later and kicked myself for having ignored. Cut your losses and move on OP. Good luck, I hope you find the right one out there somewhere! 💗

Being naughty? In a committed relationship? Is this just sex? Or something actually outside of the law?

He sounds mental OP. It might be worth staying with someone this high effort, if you were in love and had built a life together over decades before they had a breakdown. But someone you're dating?? He needs to do some serious work on himself before trying for a relationship with someone. Save yourself the stress, heartache and regret, and finish it now. You're foolish if you don't, sorry if that's harsh.

Oh my gosh reminds me of this

Link

@BeRoseScroller He’s almost certainly got Erectile probs as well.

He gets nervous so his penis gets affected.

All talk and no action can be a symptom of ED.

I think he’s a virgin. Are we allowed to say that word? To be safe, I think he’s never done ‘you know what’ before.

OP is clearly not going to take advice from us.

He wants to “be naughty”???

Like going to the chip shop after the weekly Weight Watchers weigh-in, or more of a “scrumping apples from the neighbours’ gardens” kind of affair?

How thoroughly unappealing of him.

You need to block this one, OP - he is taking up too much headspace and is only got get worse as he tries to draw you in to “fix” him.

Bin him off and a grown man saying he wants to be naughty makes me want to be sick.

I can never tell, when people post that they're stressing about such clear non-starters, whether it's some kind of incel wind-up. Or a content creator looking for material.

My second, kinder thought is that it's just one of those things that happens to nice women who try to see the best in men. And whose expectations of relationships have been skewed by romantic tropes from their formative years.

I've been there myself, post divorce. Put up with lots of shit from men who are "difficult" - who struggle with their mental health - whose true genius has never been fully recognised by their family / ex-partner / boss / industry /school / government / the world at large. It's depressingly common.

For an idea of how dangerous men's exploitation of romantic self-delusion can get, see any number of documentaries and podcasts. One that comes to mind is The Other Mrs Jordan , which was on telly recently.

So OP. If someone messes you about, and makes you anxious, confused, afraid or unhappy, it might be that they have a genuine mental health problem. It might be that they're deceiving or scamming you in some way. Either way, do you really want that to be your life?

Oh yes. Makes me wonder why everyone carries on. It really does.

He’s love bombed and future faked you over messaging. You’ve bonded to him over these weeks of intense texting and now you’re desperately trying to hang onto him even though he’s a flakey time waster.

Sorry but these guys are full of BS in their messages promising the earth. They don’t mean a word of it. Did you not find it a red flag that he’s virtually declaring love and asking invasive questions without even meeting you? Or did you just push those concerns to one side because you were enjoying the interactions?

It happens to the best of us, don’t beat yourself up about it. These morons are manipulative and can fool the cleverest and kindest people!

Post deleted.

Oh man. He sound vile

stop texting him. Job sorted

how do you know he’s 100% speaking the truth?

Cut all contact. This won't get better. I've had similar and if you carry on you'll get hurt.

Lucky escape! He's shown you clearly that he is a 'lame horse', so why would you bet (your hopes and happiness) on that? Next!

Some men seem to primarily want a texting partner. When I was dating I would cut them off if we hadn't got a date arranged within a week. Endless texting back and forth is completely pointless, you need to meet in person to figure out if you like each other.

Come on OP, raise your bar.

Is he seriously a man you would want to share your life with?
I'd be running for the hills.

And you’re entitled to disagree but if you put together this entire thread and what this guy is displaying in terms of behaviour, I would be willing to bet that he is at least somewhat of a mental case.

It’s sounds as if he’s been love bombing you, which is another red flag I’m afraid. Don’t be too hard on yourself. It can be easy to get caught up in the excitement of it all. At least you found out early and can move on easily.
just chalk it up to experience and go out and date loads of different guys, (and I don’t mean sex btw I mean dates) and have some fun until you meet someone you’d like to get to know better. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.

Op, I mean this in the kindest way,

Dating shouldn't be this hard and definitely not at the start. This guy has issues call them social issues, sexual whatever but he has a bag load of them and if this nonsense is happening now, God only knows what else will happen.

Now the harsh part, you need to love yourself, realise that you are worth someone taking you on a nice date with no complications like this. You are dancing back and forth and acting surprised as to why he's normal one minute and odd the next. Again, he has issues. Drop him and move on. Best of luck

As I said - I would say exactly the same thing if it was a woman. See my post above - If a male friend of mine told me he'd been sexting with a woman for weeks, then she came round to his house for sex, 'freaked out' and left, and then texted him again in the hours of the morning expecting him to sext again because she was 'feeling naughty' I would absolutely tell him to cut his losses and call it a day with her.

That’s not true, I’ve had a lot going on in my life lately and I guess this has just upset me thats all 🙁