My mum told me to delete my ultrasound picture because baby is ugly

[Betsabea]

I am 32 weeks pregnant, first time mum, and yesterday, after some debate because neither of us had posted on social media for almost a year, me and my husband decided to announce our pregnancy on Facebook by posting our most recent ultrasound picture, a side profile of our baby. My husband is over the moon with the pregnancy and couldn't wait for everyone to see the picture, which he has been staring at since we got it (two days ago). We got a lot of good wishes and we were happy to finally share the news with distant friends and relatives.
Well, today my mum decided to call me and tell me, completely unprompted, that I should delete the picture because "it's an ugly picture". When I asked her what she meant, she said the baby looks ugly and he has a big nose. Mind you, this isn't even one of those 3D pictures where baby can end up looking a bit weird (though her comment would still have been uncalled for), this is a normal 2D side profile of our baby. I told her I don't care if my baby is ugly anyway and she tried to backtrack, saying I misunderstood, she only meant that "the picture is unflattering". It's a grainy, black and white picture of a 32 weeks old unborn baby.
I have been crying intermittently ever since and I haven't had the courage to tell my husband anything (he hasn't got home yet as he's working late), I don't want to do it, I am embarrassed and hurt. Why would she say that? What hurts even more is that my brother had a baby earlier this year and my nephew is undeniably a very cute baby, which my mum is very proud of. I don't want to tell anyone irl because this is just hurtful and embarrassing. I asked my husband "what if baby is ugly?" and he said he thinks he's beautiful and we don't need to worry. I don't want to act as though this hurt me as much as it did but at the same time I don't feel like speaking to my mum for a while. I created this account after lurking for a long time because I wanted to get this off my chest.
Sorry about the long post.

That is a very strange thing to say. How could a scan picture be ugly, or pretty? It just shows a baby.

She says that because she says what she’s thinking with concern only to her own worries, and with no compassion towards her heavily pregnant daughter and how vulnerable you’ll be right now. Probably best to lower contact, pregnancy is a very emotionally raw time. You don’t need to make any big decisions about contact, just be busy having a nap whenever she calls. Once you become a mother, you might notice a bit more that dynamics with your mum are a bit off and you can deal with that.

Don’t get sucked into the dynamics of pitting yourself against your brother either - is that something your mum and dad often did in other aspects as well? Her thinking the baby is cute is just another reflection of her being concerned about what a tiny baby looks like and what it reflects about her, rather than a hierarchical judgement of your babies.

It’s hard to do because she’s your mum, but give her comment the same head space as some random weirdo stranger, and look at who responded to the announcement the way you needed emotionally and elevate them in your headspace.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, how exciting for you and your DH!

Ignore her, 3d scans never look good your baby will be gorgeous when born.

That's.... A really weird thing to say OP. I'd be asking her if she's feeling alright and all her toodles are intact.. it's that weird.

Stop crying. It's too batshit to cry about. I'd be wondering if she's well.

I love it when husbands go all mushy over an upcoming baby. Congratulations on your upcoming sprog

That’s a revolting thing to say.

Unbelievably odd and rude and inappropriate. Sorry OP. Your baby is certainly beautiful as all babies are.

I find this a very strange and upsetting thing to say. It's an ultrasound image, not a photograph. It's a medical picture taken with hospital equipment. Your baby is not ugly.

You poor thing, try to stop crying too much, and treat yourself to something nice, have a lovely nap and enjoy the last wonderful weeks of your precious pregnancy.
I reckon your mum is old fashioned and likes her privacy, she may have been freaked out by the scan picture and said the wrong thing unconsciously.
What a silly nana. A taster of all the daft things she's going to come out with in the coming years!

Ignore her? Like never see her again? Or do you mean, as most people do, ignore the darkness leaking out of your mum like diarrhoea cos that just what’s she’s like?

That's a really horrible thing to say. Your baby is perfect as it is, ugly or beautiful does not even come into it. Who thinks that about an unborn baby picture?? Does she have form for saying unkind things like this? If so, I would consider backing off from her. I think that even if this was a one off, you would be fine to say that you need some distance for a while.

This is so upsetting OP & downright bizarre as others have said. Does your mum have form for saying inappropriate things?

Don't cry any more. Nobody, absolutely nobody, can tell whether a baby is 'ugly' or 'unflattering' from a scan photo.
Just let her cry when you refuse contact at a later date. She needs to grow up, big time. Horrible woman.

I'm sorry she said this and see how it could be hurtful.

Do you think she might have felt that it was somehow improper/impolite to share a scan photo so publicly - maybe like too much personal/ medical type information and that is why she said what she did?

Just to clarify I think most people would think it was fine to share the picture but if your mum is of an older generation and was brought up with different views then she might think it

The kind of thing I mean is for instance that my granny would only ever put her washing on the line when she was at home. If she needed to go to the shops or whatever she brought it in as it wasn't proper/polite to leave it out. Me, I leave my washing out when I'm out all the time ~~and sometimes overnight to get darked on~~ and noone bats an eyelid these days! A completely different situation I know but hope it explains what I mean.

I’m very surprised you could get a proper scan picture at 32 weeks. I had regular scans and by this point the baby is so big that a scan only gets a bit of an arm or a leg or whatever at a time. How did this work?

What a horrid comment.
Your baby won't even look like the picture, he/she still has growing to do.
And then he/she will change in the first few days too!
Your baby will be beautiful and you have a lovely husband.

Thank you all for your replies.
To answer some of your questions: no, she isn't known to act like this and she had never said anything remotely similar to this over the course of my pregnancy. That's why this shocked me so much, I think.
As for the online posting: I think you may be at least partially right. I cropped all medical and personal info out of the picture, but she may still think we overshared and that an ultrasound is a private thing. Again, we never share anything at all and very few people knew about my pregnancy, but we were just so excited with the picture and the beginning of the eighth month that we thought "why not". We are not planning on sharing any picture of the baby at all when he's born but we liked this one.

I will take a few days to calm down a bit (writing this and reading your replies has already helped a lot, so thanks) and then decide what to do. I don't want to go super low contact as I still love my mum and this is not like her at all, but I still need a little while to forgive her.

I wouldn't even speak to her until she makes contact now. Don't make any contact with her. Silence is sometimes the best response. If your brother questions why you've not been speaking much to your mum, tell him the truth. I bet he will be mortified.

Congratulations by the way, I'm sure your baby will look lovely!

I'm wondering the same thing. Our hospital doesn't do any photos after 20 weeks as it would just be an extreme close up of whatever body part. Even our 20 week ones were pretty close up.

She said they'd shared her most recent scan picture; which for her may well have been the 20ish week scan.

What your mother said has nothing to do with your baby's appearance. She has stupidly and insensitively blurted out something ridiculous that she herself is now backtracking on. Babies aren't in beauty contests they are for loving and cherishing. An ultrasound scan is probably never "flattering". I honestly think grandparents go a bit mad and think it's all about them.

I couldn't even make out my baby in my scans- I nodded along just to conform with everybody else in the room 😂😂 that plus the fact that all babies when they're born look like trolls! I'd find it hard to be upset about this unless there was a backstory.

We couldn't get a full body picture either, just an arm here and a leg there, but the nurse managed to snap a picture of just the face (nothing else is visible, you can kind of see his hand but that's it). She even got a picture of the top of his head with visible hair!

@ladygindiva She also said 'It's a grainy, black and white picture of a 32 weeks old unborn baby.' which suggests it's a 32 week scan.

My mum seems to act really strange when I’m pregnant, really mean and out there behaviour. Sometimes I think it’s anxiety manifesting itself but sometimes I think she’s a bitch. i used to give myself a break and block her number for a few weeks.
Funny story I had a 3d scan and when she put the probe on my son pressed his privates up to the probe so we got a full frontal 😬.

What a truly awful thing to say-