My mum told me to delete my ultrasound picture because baby is ugly

[Betsabea]

I am 32 weeks pregnant, first time mum, and yesterday, after some debate because neither of us had posted on social media for almost a year, me and my husband decided to announce our pregnancy on Facebook by posting our most recent ultrasound picture, a side profile of our baby. My husband is over the moon with the pregnancy and couldn't wait for everyone to see the picture, which he has been staring at since we got it (two days ago). We got a lot of good wishes and we were happy to finally share the news with distant friends and relatives.
Well, today my mum decided to call me and tell me, completely unprompted, that I should delete the picture because "it's an ugly picture". When I asked her what she meant, she said the baby looks ugly and he has a big nose. Mind you, this isn't even one of those 3D pictures where baby can end up looking a bit weird (though her comment would still have been uncalled for), this is a normal 2D side profile of our baby. I told her I don't care if my baby is ugly anyway and she tried to backtrack, saying I misunderstood, she only meant that "the picture is unflattering". It's a grainy, black and white picture of a 32 weeks old unborn baby.
I have been crying intermittently ever since and I haven't had the courage to tell my husband anything (he hasn't got home yet as he's working late), I don't want to do it, I am embarrassed and hurt. Why would she say that? What hurts even more is that my brother had a baby earlier this year and my nephew is undeniably a very cute baby, which my mum is very proud of. I don't want to tell anyone irl because this is just hurtful and embarrassing. I asked my husband "what if baby is ugly?" and he said he thinks he's beautiful and we don't need to worry. I don't want to act as though this hurt me as much as it did but at the same time I don't feel like speaking to my mum for a while. I created this account after lurking for a long time because I wanted to get this off my chest.
Sorry about the long post.

That's a really bitchy thing to say to excited parents. Of course it's "not flattering", whatever that means, it's not an oil painting, but it's your adored baby and you are so happy and proud. As you should be, and she should recognise that. I have to say though, it's not as bitchy as my mother when meeting our first, her only grandchild at the time...looking at him, she said..."Human babies are not as pretty as kittens or puppies, are they." She had a new puppy at the time, and ever after, she would carry her around, saying "Well, you're MY baby, aren't you..."

An unflattering picture of a foetus? FFS, now I've herad it all. 😂😂😂 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
In the bin with your mum.

OP, take note of the toxicity and draw hard boundaries now.

Congratulations to you and your dh. Celebrate!!! 🩷🩷🩷

A scan is a scan. It's neither ugly nor beautiful but neutral. However, as a parent, seeing the scan is extremely exciting and no one, especially not your mother, should be putting a dampener on this happy event.

My DM thinks it's not appropriate to share scan photos because "it's just a picture of your internal organs". Just a funny old fashioned belief I guess, I don't think many people think like that. I wonder if it's something similar

Anyway best to laugh it off. Whatever her reasoning she's a bit mad.

Btw - you cant tell how big the nose will be from the scan.

Scan pictures aren’t flattering and it’s not unusual for babies to look like their nose is out of proportion or their eyes are bulgy or whatever. When they’re born, they look fine. It’s the scan that distorts them. Maybe what she clumsily meant was to question why you posted an ultrasound pic as a pic of baby rather than wait till baby is born. Perhaps she didn’t mean that your baby has a big nose, just that it looked like it did in the scan pic.

Obviously she shouldn’t have said anything, but I don’t believe she actually thinks your baby is ugly.

Please don't cry darling! My DD is due to have my 3rd gorgeous grandson on Tuesday, it's been a very difficult time in our lives but we are all thrilled that he will be here ( and I'm sure your mum will be too) my 2nd dgs on a 3d scan looked like lasagna! Which we all have a laugh about. I'm really sorry she has reacted this way and I can't know why. But ultimately you are going to have a beautiful baby soon and I'm sure she (hopefully) will feel awful about this comment. Try not to take it to heart, sending loads of love to you and your new addition xx

Surely the silly Billy should just be happy that everything looks normal and healthy?
Isn't that what scans are suppose to be about?

Comments like that you can do without.
Chin up. You're having a cute little baby congratulations!

My third child was an ugly baby. Even the midwife looked at me funny when I joked about her looking like an ugly Eric Pickles. She’s at uni now and absolutely stunning - beautiful inside and out.

Honestly op, most babies look like scrunched up socks to me - it has no bearing on their worth and how absolutely precious they are. Ignore your mum’s weird comments - that’s entirely about her and her own issues. You get on enjoying your pregnancy and the excitement of a new little family - doing and seeing things YOUR way. 💐

That's weird!

I think I wouldn't want to see her too soon post birth due to this odd behaviour!

Enjoy your baby!!!!

Your Mum's comment is insane. So inappropriate.

BUT also it's an ultrasound picture - my DD had a "big nose" in her ultrasound picture. In real life she was a genuinely gorgeous baby, tiny nose, I was even asked if she could do baby modelling. She looked like a doll as a newborn.

Not that it matters if your baby is beautiful - but either way you can't tell looks from an ultrasound photo. I remember my mum making a similar comment that my baby looked like she had a big nose 🙄

Urgh it sounds awful for your Mum to say that to you. My Mum scrutinised the scan picture as well and spent a long time on the face and nose wanting to make sure the baby looked "good". I sympathise with your feelings, what she has said has revealed her values.. that it's very important to her how her family members look, your mum probably spends a lot of time every day making sure she looks good I guess. Your Mum wants to make sure the baby is beautiful because she wants to be beautiful. I don't think my Mum had lost any marbles, or had dropped any filters when she said it, she sadly was just making sure the baby would look good. It's not as important to me that my children look good, so it saddened my heart. It's the inner beauty of a person that is more important but my Mum doesn't act that way. It's the same with putting on the Sunday best clothes for church and as dressing up in skirt and blazer to visit a national trust place.. it's all about looking good to others. You can bring your lovely baby with the values that are important to you and just try to minimise the effects of the judgements from Grandma as much as you can. Good luck x

I hope you find a way to remove this twisted woman from your life.

Please don’t worry about how your baby will look. he will be completely beautiful to you and everyone who loves him.

But remember all new babies can look a bit squished / red / woozy and some manage to emerge out just peachy - they are still all beautiful.

i remember worrying about my baby’s nose as on the 20 week scan it looked enormous. And my DH has a v big nose… So I thought I was going to get a newborn with an enormous nose and I admit I was worried! And then he was born and had a classic baby button nose, like they all do.

your mum is saying stupid things without thinking. Ignore her. And give yourself space before you contact her again.

Ridiculous and cruel thing for your mother to say at an emotional time.

My two children look absolutely nothing like each other. But if you showed me both of their ultrasounds I’d have no idea which was which. Ultrasounds are not accurate pictures of babies and show nothing about what they will look like when they are born. So what I am saying is your mum is wrong but even if she were right it would mean nothing about your baby’s future appearance if that was bothering you at all.

Does your mum have a jealous nature OP. This or she genuinely doesn't realise ultrasounds don't represent a baby when ready to be born. Laugh it off and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy while looking forward to a beautiful baby 👶 💐

what a nasty thing to say. :( I have never looked at a baby scan and thought anything but wow. If I were you I’d restrict my mother on Facebook so she could no longer see what’s posted.

Ignore her remarks, the minute you see him, you will think he is the most beautiful baby that ever lived x

Delete her.

Your mums an arse. Don’t delete the photo. Please please please try and stop being upset by what she said. I’m 6 days overdue with baby number 3 and I’m not emotional I’m just angry so if she needs her tyres slashed or her house egged I’m there. Well, I’ll ask DP to do it on my behalf.
seriously OP, don’t let anyone ruin these last few weeks for you.

By their very nature scan pics are a bit fuzzy and grainy and nothing like the beautiful baby soon to be born.

Look forward to meeting your beautiful baby soon. It doesn't take long before they feel like they have always been here and look just like they should.

Your mum is a total numpty.
I had some very 'unflattering' scan photos with my boy, his nose looked really huge when in profile with a very stuck out top lip and small lower lip. He very much looked like a Simpsons character. So much so that the doctor had a chuckle and we agreed that baby clearly had my nose. I was a wee bit upset when I got home, before reminding myself that it wasn't important at all.
He was a gorgeous baby though and still doesn't look like Bart/Mr.Burns! Don't worry.

Ah this made me laugh! Simpsons character! 😂

My (absolutely gorgeous) nephew looked like Pac-Man or Kermit in his scan.

My friend’s equally lovely baby also had what looked like a comically pointy witch nose.

OP, ignore! She sounds exhausting. Congratulations!

I think uglier babies turn into more attractive adults, compared to babies who peak at babyhood and it's all downhill from there. How you can possibly judge from a scan is beyond me though.

Your mum is so inappropriate and disrespectful for saying that. Also just WHY would you say that?!

To put your mind at rest a bit though, I have a big nose (that I hate) so when I was pregnant was a bit paranoid baby would get my nose. On one of the ultrasound pictures he had a huge nose and I was internally panicking (without saying anything to anyone). Again, obviously you’ll love your baby and think they’re gorgeous no matter what they look like but it was because it was something of mine that I just didn’t want to pass on to him!

I now have two kids, I got a similar scan in the second pregnancy yet neither of them have my nose! 😅 They both have a cute little button nose. The scan means nothing for how they’ll look in real life! The real issue here is your mums rudeness 🤦🏼‍♀️