My mum told me to delete my ultrasound picture because baby is ugly

[Betsabea]

I am 32 weeks pregnant, first time mum, and yesterday, after some debate because neither of us had posted on social media for almost a year, me and my husband decided to announce our pregnancy on Facebook by posting our most recent ultrasound picture, a side profile of our baby. My husband is over the moon with the pregnancy and couldn't wait for everyone to see the picture, which he has been staring at since we got it (two days ago). We got a lot of good wishes and we were happy to finally share the news with distant friends and relatives.
Well, today my mum decided to call me and tell me, completely unprompted, that I should delete the picture because "it's an ugly picture". When I asked her what she meant, she said the baby looks ugly and he has a big nose. Mind you, this isn't even one of those 3D pictures where baby can end up looking a bit weird (though her comment would still have been uncalled for), this is a normal 2D side profile of our baby. I told her I don't care if my baby is ugly anyway and she tried to backtrack, saying I misunderstood, she only meant that "the picture is unflattering". It's a grainy, black and white picture of a 32 weeks old unborn baby.
I have been crying intermittently ever since and I haven't had the courage to tell my husband anything (he hasn't got home yet as he's working late), I don't want to do it, I am embarrassed and hurt. Why would she say that? What hurts even more is that my brother had a baby earlier this year and my nephew is undeniably a very cute baby, which my mum is very proud of. I don't want to tell anyone irl because this is just hurtful and embarrassing. I asked my husband "what if baby is ugly?" and he said he thinks he's beautiful and we don't need to worry. I don't want to act as though this hurt me as much as it did but at the same time I don't feel like speaking to my mum for a while. I created this account after lurking for a long time because I wanted to get this off my chest.
Sorry about the long post.

Your mum’s words are the only thing that’s ugly. Baby will be super gorgeous, they all are x

That is such a batshit high on drugs thing to say though. I think if my mum had said that I would have laughed out loud and said she either needs to sober up or get her eyes checked.

It’s a really odd thing to say.

I know that people leap on here and say "dementia" but illness can be a part of the problem when normally nice people lose their filter. It can be something as simple as wee infection in older people.....just saying.....

Take no notice of your mother's comments - they're not worth it.

Don't mind her and you just concentrate on your husband's reaction how sweet he keeps looking at it all the time you got a good one xx

The petulant in me would respond "well they do say genes can often skip a generation".

Can we be bff's? 😂

Good luck with your delivery! 🩷

Aw you're hilarious!!! 🤣🤣🤣

Hopefully it was just a thoughtless comment she doesn't mean. When my son was born, I got quite emotional over people saying he had a big head (he was premature so not completely in proportion yet) I was putting hats on him. When my son was five, I took a picture of him and my ex said, that's an ugly picture (right in front of him) It wasn't. I don't understand some people. Maybe it would help to talk to your mum about how you're feeling

@Betsabea

what the actual hell was she thinking???

even if you thought that why would you say it to anyone, let alone your daughter??

Frankly, on the early ones, I can't work out what's what! The later ones you can tell, but I don't think attractive or not is something you can claim.

you seem to think she usually ok & seem to love her so I just wouldn't contact her until I wanted to & reply factually if she messaged me

Yes we can my love ❤️
see you right after the birth for babysitting duties, yes? 😂

Just in case her comments continue to upset you: for what it's worth, I have seen a lot of babies born and then watched them grow up. In my view, some babies are cuter than others. But it's very clear to me that how cute a baby is has nothing to do with how good-looking they look growing up or as an adult. Unfortunately, I was a cute baby and I'm not very good looking as an adult! I'd go so far as to say that the 'uglier' (I use the word kindly) the baby, the prettier the adult. I wanted to share just in case you're not bracing for thinking about your baby's appearance in a way that you wouldn't have done before your mum commented on it.

Edited: typo
Edited again: I'm tired and I think this is a bit garbled but hopefully you know what I mean.

That's such an awful thing to say! If it makes you feel any better though - I was secretly worried my baby would be ugly as the ultrasound showed a chinless wonder with a fat nose. Turned out to be perfectly gorgeous obviously. Ignore your mum - she's a tool.

I'm still laughing at the thought of an angry overdue pregnant woman, swearing, trying to bend over to slash a tyre, stand up, catch breath, and waddle away with hands on low back breathing hard and swearing again under breath, then yelling, bring the car! To dh who would be getaway driver...
I'm an overtired mum of two, a toddler and 8 m/o....😵‍💫

My mum would definitely say something like that!
Completely not realising its actually a bit cruel and quite hard to hear.
If your mum happens to be like mine she might even be surprised if you told her you felt emotional and upset by it, but that is because it would have been said without a filter and not because it was a comment with meaning.
Maybe be honest and give her the opportunity to clear it up once and for all for you and then tell your husband all about what a tiz you've been in and he will cheer you up I'm sure x

Can we be supportive without the casual misogyny and ageism eh? 🙄

I had a six hour accidental nap this afternoon, I’d do it 😂 but my god imagine… I’d fall over and not be able to get back up like an overturned turtle. But that might bring on labour so give me 4 hours to get my shoes on…

Parents can honestly say some stupidly thoughtless things during pregnancy, even with no previous record of doing so! Both my mum and my dad made a couple of out-of-character thoughtless remarks during my pregnancies that I was quite offended by at the time.

Eventually I just decided to put it down to them being overinvested in the coming grandchildren and losing their filter a bit. They are both fabulous grandparents so the remarks are long in the past now. Give yourself a few days to process, say something about the remark being hurtful if you need to, but if it’s otherwise very out of character, consider writing it off to excitement-induced idiocy.

the picture is unflattering

Your mother has lost the fkg plot, sorry.

Has your mother got a history of favouring your sibling over you? If so, I think you should prepare yourself for her to do the same thing to your children, and start planning how you are going to protect them from it.

Whatever has caused her to say such a horrible thing, it has nothing to do with your baby's looks. Please don't let her spoil this for you. Your baby will be beautiful

Just tell her full profile is ugly, not just her side profile and that includes her ugly personality.

Oh, god, yes! You never know to laugh or cry.
I was so out of my mind I thought I'd wear my fave stiletto suede knee-high boots as part of my "going to the hospital outfit"....😂😂😂🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
besides that, I could barely get my foot in and was crying at 3am I had nothing to wear. Freaking hormones!

I would delete her

I would be so hurt over this (but I have a nasty mother who is a bitch)

trying to be impartial here - yours mum might have made a thoughtless comment but to be honest it was selfish as the only right thing to say is ‘I can’t wait for my grandchild to arrive’ not a bitchy comment that it’s ugly

but in all honestly I would avoid her for a few weeks