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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I have an STI but never been with anyone except H

102 replies

whitetulips · 18/04/2008 19:51

Ok, I went to the clinic cos I have a rash, which they said is molluscum, not suspicious in itself apart from where it is
So they swabbed me for everything, and I have chlamydia. I have been with my dh for 22 years, and only ever slept with him.
He works abroad, in Asia, and comes home every couple of months.
I asked him, and he said he has never been with anyone. He has been tempted he said, but then thought how much he loves me and dc.
Then he said if he was tempted he would wear a condom anyway, cos he is in Asia and he knows what it is like

So now what do I do????

OP posts:
K20 · 18/04/2008 19:56

Chlamydia is known as a "silent" disease because about three quarters of infected women and about half of infected men have no symptoms. Maybe your husband had another partner before you and you have silently had this for 22 years? It is possible

PosieParker · 18/04/2008 19:56

My father caught chlamydia from a prostitue in Asia. There is only one way you can contract it, so your dp is probably lying. HObvioulsy you have children maybe you could see if you've ever been tested before. Ask a health professional.

TheArmadillo · 18/04/2008 19:56

Having chlamydia doesn't necessarily mean he has been cheating on you.

HAve you ever been tested for STIs before?

He could have had it from before he met you.
One of you could have actually got it from your parents (this was the only explanation STI clinic had for a friend of mine).

Men don't tend ot show symptoms iirc so he could have had it decades.

I'm not saying an affair is an impossibility but it is not the only way you could have caught it.

mimismummy · 18/04/2008 19:56

Hi, I work in this field. I am really sorry, but chlamydia can only be caught through sexual contact. Condoms do offer protection, but depending on when you put them on etc, the infection can still be caught. If your dh is your only partner, he must be the source. Really sorry. If it's any consolation, at least you found out you had it so you could get treatment to prevent any possible long term damage. Big hugs xx

allgonebellyup · 18/04/2008 19:57

oh god.
Poor OP.

mimismummy · 18/04/2008 19:59

Sorry, guys, it would be near enough impossible for you to have chlamydia for decades without knowing. Firstly, studies have shown that your body will clear the infection itself in a long enough period of time. Secondly, men too can get symptoms caused by the long term effects of chlamydia. You can get it congenitally, but you would get it in your eyes and possibly lungs and it would be apparent in most cases shortly after birth - babies with chlamydia caught during birth often present with conjuctivitis caused by the infection

whomovedmychocolate · 18/04/2008 20:01

Oh how horrible for you. He could have had it for years, there are no symptoms in men most of the time. But similarly it would make you suspicious.

I'm assuming you/he realise he needs treatment too?

At the end of the day you need to decide whether or not it's something he's had since before you met or if he's has sex with someone else - quite honestly if you have a really good relationship but ten years ago he had a one night stand and he would admit it, I'd stick with him because we all do make mistakes now and then, but you need him to be honest for you to decide that don't you?

I'm assuming you are going back in three months for another set of tests (including HIV) because it can take time to show up and if it's a recent thing...

Sorry I know that's not a nice thought but you need to protect your health.

PosieParker · 18/04/2008 20:01

I just googled and it says if you have symptoms, and sometomes you never have, then they will usually appear with 1-3 weeks of exposure. As the symptoms include infertility I would doubt you've had it for 22 years as I think you would have contracted it before now.

pinkteddy · 18/04/2008 20:04

You poor thing, this is a very difficult situation to deal with for you. What do the clinic say? Usually if you test positive, you would be seen by a health advisor. Most health advisors have some counselling experience so you could discuss with them how you might have got chlamydia and how to discuss with your partner. Although I would have thought there is a very strong chance you were infected by you dh, chlamydia can have no symptoms so you could have had it for many years without knowing. I believe it is not always sexually transmitted although its extremely rare. Please discuss with you clinic if you are worried. HTH

PosieParker · 18/04/2008 20:07

Having spent a lot of time in Asia it is the place I would least like my partner to spend time without me, I think you need to be armed with the facts and have a serious talk with your husband. To say he's been tempted may be him testing the water to see how you may react, I am really sorry for your news.

PosieParker · 18/04/2008 20:07

The only other way is from mother to child, perhaps get your children checked?

CrushWithEyeliner · 18/04/2008 20:08

I know a little about this...

If you'd have had it for over say a year then your symptoms would have got much worse, it would have made you infertile and you would know something was seriously wrong basically. It is not likely that you have had it for 22 years at all. I think your DD is lying to you I am really sorry - his responses are v weird imo. You need to get checked for everything and your DD needs treatment too as he will just keep re-infecting you with Chlyamidia if he does not have treatment.

I am so so sorry you are going through this

wobblyhead · 18/04/2008 20:16

I am going through somehting very similar.

have changed my name but am a regular.

I have what I suspect are anal skin tags but after watching embarrassing illnesses the other night,suspect they might be anal warts.
I too haven't had any other sexual partners other than my dh for well over 20 yrs.

I haven't been to an sti clinic yet and haven't said anything to dh yet.

PosieParker · 18/04/2008 20:21

Wh, go to a clinic they're trained and understanding about the embarressment and possible implications of a positive result.

LazyLinePainterJane · 18/04/2008 20:24

Have you been tested for other STI's?

mimismummy · 18/04/2008 20:25

Wh - the wart virus is slightly different and can be caught through skin to skin contact. Furthermore, you can have it for years without knowing, so it does not necessarily mean that your dh has been cheating. Go to a GUM who will diagnose and advise and are very experienced in this x

LazyLinePainterJane · 18/04/2008 20:27

Sorry, just seen you were swabbed for everything.

YeahBut · 18/04/2008 20:28

If your dh has been your only sexual partner for two decades, he must be the source of your infection. That you could have this for 22 years and be completely unaware is unlikely. Your dh needs a check-up and treatment too.

CountessDracula · 18/04/2008 20:28

Oh no what a horrible situation
I think you have to get a professional opinion and then if they confirm that it can only be caught via sexual contact you have to have another talk with your dh

I think men do have a tendancy to lie when confronted with something like this

oiFoiF · 18/04/2008 20:34

oh dear how horrid. I am sorry this is happening to you

Original poster
whitetulips · 18/04/2008 21:07

Thanks everyone for your support. When I went to my gp 2 weeks ago, I could see from her screen that I tested negative 18 months ago, so it has def happened since he went to work away, which was around same time as test.

When I spoke to him I was very calm and quiet, and so was he, and insisted he had done nothing. However after thinking about it, I find the condom comment extremely strange.
I am seeing Dr at gu clinic again in 2 weeks, so will discuss it with her then.

Just don't know what to think. Relationship been dodgy for a while, and after reading his emails (yes I know I shouldn't) I do think he has had at least a fling, and I wouldn't be surprised if she is still around as he bought 2 plane tickets a month ago, 1 with a female name on. So no I don't trust him, but I feel like I gave him an opportunity to confess, which he has turned down, so now I am back to the problem of a confrontation using evidence gathered by snooping. What a bl&%dy mess.

OP posts:
spicemonster · 18/04/2008 21:10

How awful for you. I see what you mean about evidence gathered by snooping but you don't have to use that evidence - you also (I think from what others have said) have medical evidence. Can you (if you're able) ask your GP outright? And then tell your DH if they say that there's no other way you could have got it?

That condom comment is a bit odd I agree.

SmoothandWilkie · 18/04/2008 21:12

You poor thing. However, have you never asked him about the 2 plane tickets with a female name on it??!?!?!

I would have hit the roof by now!!

ladytophamhatt · 18/04/2008 21:21

Good lord, he's got a bloody cheek lying to you!!

bethoo · 18/04/2008 21:22

if you had chlamydia for that long you would be infertile. chances are he has been unfaithful, sorry.

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