Anytime WT, honestly
As to the question of not being here to actually have the life he want to provide us, well, I haven't had an answer really, other than, it wont be forever. I actually don't think it will be either. He has been looking for work back in london the last time he was home for the weekend. I don't have to be alone for as long as you do. He does try to get home at the weekend, but its not every weekend by any means. I sometimes go and stay in the hotel with him, but that is getting harder to do as isobel gets older. It was fine when she was really tiny. Now, the journey is a bit of a nightmare on my own with her, to do too often.
The thing about talking to friends in RL, is that they end up judging him for not being here. I don't want that. I don't want him being judged or disliked, it makes me defend him more, which is not always a good thing!
I"m fairly sure we will be ok given time, I've faith in his love for our DD, and not wanting her to grow up much more, without him here all the time. I don't know for sure though, you know? There's always a small element of doubt.
Accepting his emotional problems is hard. His exwife cheating on him and refusing him contact with his Ds has not helped things either. Hes is of course terrified of the same happening again. I'd never in a million years be unfaithful to him, i'd leave before it came to anything like that- however, i've said before here, its like a self fulfilling prophesy, in that if he keeps me at a distance emotionally, he can't get too close and therefore not get so hurt again, yet by doing so, I simply couldn't live the rest of my life like this, so would have to leave some day, if it doesn't change and he will have been right. Does that make sense? Its a strange kind of control he has or wants. So negative and destructive really.
However, as it is, I love him SO much, probably too much really, and i'm not going anywhere. Together he and Izzy mean the absolute world to me. Both of them. They are my world infact.
Back to you though, in all honesty, you do keep coming back to the exact same place with your thinking. That you don't see any future with your H, and that you want to be on your own. I don't really believe this has much to do with his infidelity. I think this was just the catalyst into actually making a decision. You now have a very real and valid, justifiable reason with which to leave him. He's hung himself with the rope as it were.
You will still have some of his money, should you leave, he will have to provide something for the DC. You need to talk to the CAB and maybe your local DSS to see if there is anything you would be intitled to to help with the household costs. I'ms sure you would be. IF you go back to work ( not sure if you already are) you will be intitled to working tax credits, based on your income, if you are living alone, with the DC, you will also be able to claim child tax credits, along side the working tax credits. These together can really help boost your income. IF you work over 16 hours a week, you could get a fair bit, based on your income over the last year, to help. There is a website called intitled to dot com . it is a great website, fill in the forms online and at the end it'll help you with what you can claim.
These are things very worth looking into , before you go any further. Its not mercenary to stay with him for money, for the sake of your dc . it IS compromising your self, and your happiness. Something which is ultimately quite important to children you know.. they dont like un happy mummy's and they won't thank you for it when they are grown up
Good luck with looking into all this. It seems to me you will be doing this with quite a level head, and not in a reactionary way, which I have to say, is the best way to be doing it. Its the most productive positive thing you can be doing now, before you deal with the inevitable emotional fall out of such an important decision.