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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I have an STI but never been with anyone except H

102 replies

whitetulips · 18/04/2008 19:51

Ok, I went to the clinic cos I have a rash, which they said is molluscum, not suspicious in itself apart from where it is
So they swabbed me for everything, and I have chlamydia. I have been with my dh for 22 years, and only ever slept with him.
He works abroad, in Asia, and comes home every couple of months.
I asked him, and he said he has never been with anyone. He has been tempted he said, but then thought how much he loves me and dc.
Then he said if he was tempted he would wear a condom anyway, cos he is in Asia and he knows what it is like

So now what do I do????

OP posts:
whitetulips · 28/04/2008 18:36

Oh Susie, you have 'got' me so well!
He wants sypmathy that he is lonely (obviously not as lonely as he would like me to think )and thinks at least I have the children so what is my problem.
My problem is the sheer bl%%dy grind of never being able to say 'ask your Dad to do it', and never having time to myself.
I do feel like a single parent a lot of the time, with the odd respite when he comes back, although sometimes I feel like I have just acquired another child for the week, if you see what I mean!!
To quote you
I feel resentment that i'm doing it all, all the time. That i'm responsible 24/7. That emotionally I am not getting the support I need and indeed should be getting from a man who I love and who is supposed to love and care for me.

That is my point exactly, and I am sorry you feel like that in your relationship too.

I sometimes think i'm worse off, as if I were in this situation with no partner, then at least I would have the choice and option to go out and find myself a man to share my life with!,

Absolutely, even though the thought fills me with dread, have to lose a stone, liposuction, bikini wax, learn how to be good at s£x etcetc. At some point I may make this choice, even though I cannot comprehend it at the moment, due to the limbo I live in.

I really must stress here, that I actually don't want anyone else at all, i've no intention of wanting to meet anyone else. I love my DH more than I can express. I just don't love the situation we are in, at all. I want him here, with me all the time. not away, working for us, working for a future and a life style we are not even living since we are not together! I have put it to him, why are you doing all this? why stay so far away? what is it for if you are not actually here, sharing our life together? Much the same as your point I feel with your DH.
Out of interest, did you get a response to this, because I never have?

I feel like my H has taken a massive gamble with our marriage, we were struggling before he went away, and now I can't see the point of us being together, and I know on a day to day basis I can live without him, and most importantly so can the dc, BECAUSE WE ALREADY ARE!

The only prob is my earning power has been massively compromised, and I need his money, and I feel like a mercenary bitch for that. Why should my dc not continue their not at all lavish lifestyle, but they do have treats, meals out etc, because us as adults cannot remain with each other as a couple.
I didn't want this for my life, or theirs, and having a dad away is not ideal, but when he comes back he stays here and all is civilised. How could it possibly remain that way if we divorce?
Susie, I am glad you stil love your husband, despite his difficulties with emotion, it must make this 'sort of single parent but not' a bit easier to bear. Have you set a time limit on living like this?

Due to the nature of my H's work, I don't think we can do that which is another thing that makes my head spin.

Gosh if I read back through my posts it really is looking like there is only 1 way forward for us.

I hope you can rescue your situation before you get into the mess I am in, and thanks for your sympathy, it helps to know I am only being a little self indulgent. I have very supportive friends, but I can't 'talk' like this in RL.

OP posts:
susiecutiebananas · 28/04/2008 21:16

Anytime WT, honestly

As to the question of not being here to actually have the life he want to provide us, well, I haven't had an answer really, other than, it wont be forever. I actually don't think it will be either. He has been looking for work back in london the last time he was home for the weekend. I don't have to be alone for as long as you do. He does try to get home at the weekend, but its not every weekend by any means. I sometimes go and stay in the hotel with him, but that is getting harder to do as isobel gets older. It was fine when she was really tiny. Now, the journey is a bit of a nightmare on my own with her, to do too often.

The thing about talking to friends in RL, is that they end up judging him for not being here. I don't want that. I don't want him being judged or disliked, it makes me defend him more, which is not always a good thing!

I"m fairly sure we will be ok given time, I've faith in his love for our DD, and not wanting her to grow up much more, without him here all the time. I don't know for sure though, you know? There's always a small element of doubt.

Accepting his emotional problems is hard. His exwife cheating on him and refusing him contact with his Ds has not helped things either. Hes is of course terrified of the same happening again. I'd never in a million years be unfaithful to him, i'd leave before it came to anything like that- however, i've said before here, its like a self fulfilling prophesy, in that if he keeps me at a distance emotionally, he can't get too close and therefore not get so hurt again, yet by doing so, I simply couldn't live the rest of my life like this, so would have to leave some day, if it doesn't change and he will have been right. Does that make sense? Its a strange kind of control he has or wants. So negative and destructive really.

However, as it is, I love him SO much, probably too much really, and i'm not going anywhere. Together he and Izzy mean the absolute world to me. Both of them. They are my world infact.

Back to you though, in all honesty, you do keep coming back to the exact same place with your thinking. That you don't see any future with your H, and that you want to be on your own. I don't really believe this has much to do with his infidelity. I think this was just the catalyst into actually making a decision. You now have a very real and valid, justifiable reason with which to leave him. He's hung himself with the rope as it were.

You will still have some of his money, should you leave, he will have to provide something for the DC. You need to talk to the CAB and maybe your local DSS to see if there is anything you would be intitled to to help with the household costs. I'ms sure you would be. IF you go back to work ( not sure if you already are) you will be intitled to working tax credits, based on your income, if you are living alone, with the DC, you will also be able to claim child tax credits, along side the working tax credits. These together can really help boost your income. IF you work over 16 hours a week, you could get a fair bit, based on your income over the last year, to help. There is a website called intitled to dot com . it is a great website, fill in the forms online and at the end it'll help you with what you can claim.

These are things very worth looking into , before you go any further. Its not mercenary to stay with him for money, for the sake of your dc . it IS compromising your self, and your happiness. Something which is ultimately quite important to children you know.. they dont like un happy mummy's and they won't thank you for it when they are grown up

Good luck with looking into all this. It seems to me you will be doing this with quite a level head, and not in a reactionary way, which I have to say, is the best way to be doing it. Its the most productive positive thing you can be doing now, before you deal with the inevitable emotional fall out of such an important decision.

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