Who pays on dates?

[50andhopeless]

I am not from the UK. I am dating again at 50. If someone from OLD asks you out, who is expected to pay on the first date? On the following dates?

I am a man, and I would always offer to pay, even if the date was suggested by the woman.
The last woman I dated let me pay for the first four meals without offering to contribute, but I was getting a little annoyed at the end.

Perhaps I am a mug!

I stand by a Jim Jefferies quote....and a quote, not my words but made some sense.....men earn more than women as they have to pay for drinks and food on dates. Lesbians are always arguing over who pays the bill as they earn the same......or something to that degree.

Comedy aside, I'd agree with the comments on either whoever's idea it was or split 50/50

Pay your own way.

This is correct imo. I'm 61.

I haven’t done OLD but I would always offer to pay my half and I wouldn’t hold it against someone who didn’t offer to pay on the first date. I would only allow someone to pay for me if I intended to see them again (in which case I’d pay for the second date). If there wasn’t going to be a second date I’d insist on paying half.

I would be expecting to split the bill on a first date, and then after a few dates maybe take turns to pay

That’s poor form. I’d let someone pay for me once but I’d insist on paying the next time round.

I would offer to split, and I would expect him to acquiesce and not try to override me. The kind of man who insists on paying, ignoring what I wanted, because traditional gender roles, will probably ignore what I want and try to impose traditional gender roles in other areas too. No thanks.

I expect equality in relationships, and to be listened to.

Once I've actually got to know someone, then we can start treating each other to various things.

Well yes.

Just suggest coffee on the first date. I'd hate to go out, be paid for, then say thanks, not for me. A guy could be doing that over and over again.

I agree with this.

Always split. I don't like the expectation that a man pays.

If it becomes a regular thing then I'm happy to take turns.

Oh I just read it.

op you can’t afford to date unless you go to free stuff or find men who will pay for you all tne time.

Don't be ridiculous! Militant feminist for wanting to split a bill. 😂😂

No, why should I be a feminist? Men and women have different roles. One is not less than another. And if you think there's equality for women in any case, well that's wishful thinking.

One thing I would say though is that if I hadn't enjoyed the date and wasn't going to see him again I certainly would insist on paying half.

Men and women do not "have different roles". They have traditionally been allocated different roles in society, but both men and women are free to opt in or out of those roles as they wish, because those roles aren't innate to being a man or being a woman.

Split it.

I was brought up to do that so an even power dynamic - my dad was v insistent when I was young.

The first time you meet someone from online dating should be a brief meeting of maybe an hour and you should only go to a coffee shop or something like that.

That way if things aren't working out it's quite easy to leave after you've finished your drink, and also you can let the man pay without feeling that he's invested in awful lot of money which might end up with you feeling a bit guilty if you don't want to see him again.

let him buy the first drinks make them last so you can have a chat and get to know each other after 20 or 30 minutes you will know whether this is a possible relationship or not and you can then offer to get another drink and maybe a cake each or something like that. If on the other hand after 20 or 30 minutes you realize that you don't like him you might as well leave there's no point in wasting your time or his.

So you can just have a drink and leave after half an hour saying "something's come up" or "I don't think this is going to work out " and he's only paid out a couple of pounds.

Pay your own way. If it's just a coffee or drinks, buy a round each.

You might never want to see each other again, it's the fairest way and no one expects anything.

a. a coffee shop date might be all some people can afford. It doesnt mean they are childish
b. so what happens if (like me) someone is teetotal, Going halves aint quite so equal then is it because the teetotal person is paying out more for the other person as alcohol is more expensive
Its not all about gender!

Split the drink. It wouldn't cross my mind to do anything different.

Oh right. I'm back off leave tomorrow and back in to work. I suppose I should make the tea and coffee for all the male managers instead of doing my proper job and being employed to do proper work which includes making decisions on my own. 🙄

Seriously why is this even a topic for discussion: pay your own way.

If you cannot afford to do so, then choose low cost dating ideas, or don't date.

Once you're regularly dating the same person, then take turns.