Who pays on dates?

[50andhopeless]

I am not from the UK. I am dating again at 50. If someone from OLD asks you out, who is expected to pay on the first date? On the following dates?

And not a militant feminist either just like to pay my way 😊

Me too. First date is the one to split imo. That way they don't feel they're owed anything. Taking turns after that fair enough but I used to prefer to be able to walk away without them thinking they'd bought more than dinner.

50/50.

split 50/50 - otherwise what is he paying for and what are you trading for your dinner and drinks? Sorry - but you wouldn't expect a friend or a colleague to pay for your dinner - so why a man who's neither??

I would split the bill 50:50 and make sure the date took place somewhere where I can pay my way. I'm 57.

A friend who does OLD always buys the first drink so that if she wants to leave without the second she doesn’t feel like a free-loader.
Incredibly depressing that there are still people who think a man should pay the whole date simply because he is a man.

I went on an actual date, not OLD last week and alternated buying rounds in the pub. Would have felt very cheap letting him pay.

If a guy offers to pay, I would accept, but I would normally expect to split the bill as usual. If he insists on paying, I wouldn't feel obligated to go on another date if I didn't like him. However, most first dates for me are just a casual introduction over coffee.

I’d always insist on splitting on a first date and always have done. If things progress we then take turns on different dates. I’d only make exceptions if there is a massive income disparity but that wouldn’t be relevant on early dates. If your idea of a treat is a Michelin starred restaurants and similar and your boyfriend is a TA then you can’t expect him to match you 50/50.

50/50

There not. I'm a high earner (woman) and I would expect the bill to be split unless he really wanted to pay it.

But for example. If you went for a drink and you had say two drinks, it would be normal to buy a round each.

I wouldn’t want to have a 2nd date with a man who made a big deal out of insisting he pays. Split is just the default for me.

Hmm dating these days tends to include a few days of messaging on whatsapp and some kind of mutual agreement that you want to meet, both parties can back out at any point. I wish it was as simple as meeting a man in a pub with your friends who asks you for a drink and you agree but its not. So 50/50 is the general norm for online dating, and I think that is the fairest way to do it.

I'd offer to split but, hope he'd pay, but be ok with paying half.

I would fully expect to pay half and offer to do so, bonus if a gent and pays but can't expect it. If he does, next one is on me.

If wanting to be seen as equal and wishing to pay my way makes me a militant feminist then colour me militant feminist,🙄

Are you skint then?

All this 50/50 and equality when it comes to dating and yet it hasnt stretched to childcare and housework. Women still do the bulk of it,

I think for a first date, whoever asks the other one out should pay. After that, I think it should be split.

She can’t - see her previous thread.

Why? I can't even fathom the logic in this? You meet for say a drink in the pub and you expect to have it all paid for and then still be able to decide if you want to see him again? Or you offer to pay for a round of drinks, thank him for the one he's brought you and then mutually agree if you want to see each other again?

Can you link that @DixonD as I can't do that on phone
Please 🤭

I'm a man, and been out of the dating game a while (20 years)

I generally expected to pay for the first date, but didn't want it to be assumed that I would. So usually the bill would come, I'd pick it up and start getting my wallet out.

If the other person responded with "Shall we split it" or something like that, I'd say "No I'll get this, you get the next one"

If they just sat there expecting me to pay then I'd just say "We'll split this shall we?" and there wouldn't be a second date.

I was looking for a partner, not someone who was financially reliant on me.

I feel a bit sick reading all the replies expecting men to pay. It’s nice to be treated but surely not expected.
Are we not all feminists these days? ie for equality?