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Original poster

Is this something I need to confess?

102 replies

Chinchin34 · 22/08/2024 15:10

Long story short-

ex and I broke up 6 months ago. In between I had a couple weeks ‘fling’ with another guy who always had a thing for me, FWB type fling. He wanted a relationship with me but to be honest I didn’t like him like that. During my last relationship this man had made a few moves to show he liked me by texting, speaking to me on nights out etc so my ex didn’t like him.

my ex and I are trying to work things out. I know he will be so upset about this fling of mine but I feel like I have to tell him and just gave the consequences? I know we weren’t together and im sure he maybe had some dates but this particular man has been sniffing about me for some time. I wish I had never went there.

Would you confess this in the spirit of being open and honest and trying to move forward together? I also don’t even know if we will be able to make this work but we are spending time together now and it’s been lovely but I feel like I have a bit secret and feel so guilty

OP posts:
eggandchip · 22/08/2024 15:11

Ditch both and move on.

Original poster
Chinchin34 · 22/08/2024 15:11

eggandchip · 22/08/2024 15:11

Ditch both and move on.

I don’t want to ditch this guy though…I’m interesting in seeing if we can work through it

OP posts:
coffeenootropics · 22/08/2024 15:12

i would hazard a guess you and your ex will be breaking up again at some point

so save yourself the headache and tell him now and end it for good

Pandasnacks · 22/08/2024 15:12

I agree I'd get a fresh start with neither of them. If you no it'd bother him then I'd tell him, it's pointless starting a relationship again with a secret, it's just wasting both of your time. You didn't do anything wrong of course, but it sounds like he would be bothered by you keeping this quiet.

coffeenootropics · 22/08/2024 15:13

i can almost guarantee that over the last 6 months he has slept with other people

Ilovelurchers · 22/08/2024 15:13

Well I don't think you are obliged to bring it up. Is he likely to ask whether you were with anyone else during the time period? If he dies, I wouldn't actually lie - you can either tell him the truth, or, quite reasonably, tell him you don't wish to disclose this .....

Are you planning on asking on him whether he has been with anyone else? Do you want to know?

DustyLee123 · 22/08/2024 15:13

I’d tell him about the fling, that way he can end it if he’s really that bothered.

Original poster
Chinchin34 · 22/08/2024 15:13

coffeenootropics · 22/08/2024 15:13

i can almost guarantee that over the last 6 months he has slept with other people

Yes no doubt and im ok with that, these things happen. It’s this particular man that he really didn’t like

OP posts:
eggandchip · 22/08/2024 15:14

coffeenootropics · 22/08/2024 15:13

i can almost guarantee that over the last 6 months he has slept with other people

This is so true.

SunQueen24 · 22/08/2024 15:14

coffeenootropics · 22/08/2024 15:13

i can almost guarantee that over the last 6 months he has slept with other people

Exactly. Why does this matter?

something2say · 22/08/2024 15:15

I would not tell him. If it comes out, down play it. You found out something big, ticked a box (would that guy have been better? NO) and now you can move on. You weren't together. He hates the guy.

One question tho - did you secretly like the second guy and found the break with the first guy convenient because then you get to just check it out with the second guy? That means you didn't really like the first guy a lot. THAT is a bigger issue.

Are you sure either if them are your personal ten out of ten? Someone above said ditch both - could be an idea?

If the old feelings come back (this again...) then ditch both and find better. Only go for ten out of tens - if it doesn't work easily, find a man where it does work easily.

coffeenootropics · 22/08/2024 15:17

Chinchin34 · 22/08/2024 15:13

Yes no doubt and im ok with that, these things happen. It’s this particular man that he really didn’t like

Show quote history

and you got together with him as a FWB

to spite him?

whatever, this isn’t going to last whether or not you tell him

Original poster
Chinchin34 · 22/08/2024 15:18

something2say · 22/08/2024 15:15

I would not tell him. If it comes out, down play it. You found out something big, ticked a box (would that guy have been better? NO) and now you can move on. You weren't together. He hates the guy.

One question tho - did you secretly like the second guy and found the break with the first guy convenient because then you get to just check it out with the second guy? That means you didn't really like the first guy a lot. THAT is a bigger issue.

Are you sure either if them are your personal ten out of ten? Someone above said ditch both - could be an idea?

If the old feelings come back (this again...) then ditch both and find better. Only go for ten out of tens - if it doesn't work easily, find a man where it does work easily.

No I didn’t like him then. In fact it only really happened because he was very persistent once he found out I was single, should never have went there. But not sure my current man will believe that. But if I wanted to be with my found I could be, so I guess that’s something.

not sure about a 10 out of 10, I know I’m enjoying spending time with him but I feel like I’m keeping a big secret but I am prone to feeling guilty about things that most people would not

OP posts:
Original poster
Chinchin34 · 22/08/2024 15:19

coffeenootropics · 22/08/2024 15:17

and you got together with him as a FWB

to spite him?

whatever, this isn’t going to last whether or not you tell him

Show quote history

No god, not to spite him at all. I didn’t imagine I would ever be back with my ex so he wasn’t really a factor in my decision making then

OP posts:
ManhattanPopcorn · 22/08/2024 15:22

"I don’t want to ditch this guy though…I’m interesting in seeing if we can work through it"

Let me save you both the heartache. You can't.

Go forward not backwards. There's a reason you broke up and there's a reason you had a fling with someone else. Those reasons, whatever they are, are still there.

something2say · 22/08/2024 15:22

So you split - didn't think it would work out again - allowed yourself to sleep with someone you were not sure you were keen on - and ex has come back and you're spending time.

I wonder if he too has any secrets? Neither of you should spill as brain bleach to remove, not necessary to tell etc.

BUT - how were you so easily swayed? I hate regretting sleeping with someone, haven't let that happen at all now for many years. Are you young?

ClickClickety · 22/08/2024 15:24

Strong chance this guy will tell everyone you’ve slept together so don’t lie about it

Original poster
Chinchin34 · 22/08/2024 15:26

something2say · 22/08/2024 15:22

So you split - didn't think it would work out again - allowed yourself to sleep with someone you were not sure you were keen on - and ex has come back and you're spending time.

I wonder if he too has any secrets? Neither of you should spill as brain bleach to remove, not necessary to tell etc.

BUT - how were you so easily swayed? I hate regretting sleeping with someone, haven't let that happen at all now for many years. Are you young?

I was interested in a fwb type arrangement, nothing more. It got messy as he was hoping for more than that and I wasn’t so it ended

OP posts:
fourelementary · 22/08/2024 15:27

Why did you split in the first place and has that changed?

The ideal time to consider telling all really would have been prior to getting back together tbh… but personally I still would as I don’t like to not be completely honest and it would annoy me.

Original poster
Chinchin34 · 22/08/2024 15:27

fourelementary · 22/08/2024 15:27

Why did you split in the first place and has that changed?

The ideal time to consider telling all really would have been prior to getting back together tbh… but personally I still would as I don’t like to not be completely honest and it would annoy me.

Yes that’s how I feel. We aren’t back together as such, we have been in contact and just met up once so far

OP posts:
coffeenootropics · 22/08/2024 15:27

yes… why did you split?

vroomvroom1 · 22/08/2024 15:28

Don't voluntarily tell him. You weren't together. If he asks if you slept with him specifically, don't lie. Just pretend it didn't happen until it comes up, it it does. You didn't do anything wrong as you were single. If he asks if you slept with anyone else, you can admit that but say you don't want to talk about it. That's my opinion anyway!

coffeenootropics · 22/08/2024 15:29

it will likely come out anyway

i imagine you’re part of a big group of regular pub goers and the FWB man who your ex/current hates, is also regular at the same pub

im not wrong am i?

Hatethisheadofmine · 22/08/2024 15:29

Don’t. I told mine and it was the worst thing I ever done. He turned psychotic

coffeenootropics · 22/08/2024 15:30

Hatethisheadofmine · 22/08/2024 15:29

Don’t. I told mine and it was the worst thing I ever done. He turned psychotic

well that’s good
because then you knew to finish it soon rather than later

surely?

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