Would you return a call to a partner from 30 years ago?

[Roseau18]

I lived with a man for 6 years in my early 20s. He was 17 years older than me and regularly cheated on me but love-bombed whenever I made an attempt to leave him.

I did eventually walk out for good, married someone else, had children (now all adults) but have been widowed for 8 years.

I last bumped into my former partner just after my husband died, when I was still in.a state of shock, and told him I had just been widowed. He said he was divorced, had always loved me and would like to have me back. I was too polite to say clearly to his face that I have no regrets about leaving him and no intention of renewing a relationship with him but I took leave of him as quickly as I could. He left multiple messages on my lanoline answering machine which I just ignore and eventualky he gave up.

This evening (so almost 8 years later) there was another message from him basically asking me to phone him before it is too late. I think he is dying - his voice was very weak and the message not altogether cohérent (it reminded me very much of how my husband was talking in the weeks précédent his death)

Would you phone him back?

I think you are more likely to regret not doing it than doing it. Your gut is probably right, that it'll be a goodbye.

No

No.

How does he even have your landline number?

This.

Not a chance in hell I would call him back. Don't be daft.

Yes. Or you'll always wonder what he wanted.

I absolutely would. Why on earth not?!

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

No

Oh hell no!

I've done it again, quoted the whole OP! Sorry everyone!

I would, but if he's not on death's door I would tell him to stop being so persistent/stalkery..

I would call him back. If he wants to declare his undying love you haven't really lost anything; he's already done that from the sounds of it and you can mentally file it under "things of no consequence to me". But maybe he has something else he wants to tell you. You could spend the rest of your life wondering what it was.

Yes I would phone him back.

If he's dying, then say your goodbyes.

If it's an attempt to win you back, you can say all the things you wanted to say but couldn't at the time.

Call him or you'll just be wondering. That way, regardless of his situation, you can say goodbye.

No. He was a dick to you when you were together then he hassled you after you were widowed. No. Don't get sucked back in. You don't owe him anything.

I would but I'm a nosy fucker, I'd have to know why he called.
Think about this, if you found out in the near future that he had passed, and you hadn't spoken to him, how do you think you would feel? If there's any feeling of regret or sadness it might mean you should speak to him, even as a final goodbye if he isn't dying?

No

This. Completely this!

If he is dying then say good bye politely. If he is not, then it isn’t like he is going to persuade you of anything!

It's just a phonecall. He's going to be on his last legs.

Stop it! Why do you think arseholes like this man have a right to anything more than the contempt they deserve.

People die everyday, some of them have been arseholes their whole life, coming to the end of your life doesn't entitle you to try and manipulate the ones you've treated poorly to absolve yourself.

Ignore him op, you got away from him, don't let him drag you back again.

I would be forever wondering what he wanted so I would phone him..

My XH used to use a voice like that when he didn't feel 100%.

Why would you call someone who treated you so badly?

No, I wouldn't. I don't understand why so many pp think you owe him a conversation because he might be dying, or that you should feel a need to say goodbye if he is. He has been - rightly - out of your life for many years and isn't a part of it anymore. You already have closure and don't owe him anything.

Nope. Don’t waste any more energy on it. Block him on everything