Do you think once a man hits you once he’ll do it again?

[Missmaria95]

I’m 28 and he’s 37, we’ve been together nearly 3 years. I’ve always knew he had a temper, not necessarily towards me, just no patients. He is an ex body builder, so for the first few months of our relationship he was taking steroids, admittedly he treated me really bad during those times. But last week, he punched me in the face, not hard enough for me to be in pain but all the same he punched me, he then spat in my face twice. This happed because I was moody due to us travelling 2 hours with his friend to end up just driving back home because his friends girlfriend didn’t want to participate, but I ‘ruined’ it by being moody. He apologised and said how much he hates himself. Like I say, this is the first time in the whole relationship he actually hit me. Do you think because I ‘forgave’ him he’ll do it again?

Yes. It wasn’t even something that could be passed off as accidental or “minor” (e.g. pushing you out of the way of the door, which is still wrong of course but I can see how people explain themselves out of situations like this), he full on punched you in the face. And spat at you. All very deliberate.

There’s only one way this will go, it will continue to escalate. He’s done it once, if you don’t leave he will see he can do it again and again as a means of control, safe in the knowledge you’ll stay and won’t report him.

Glad you can get out whilst he's at work.

Do your family and friends know what he's done?

Glad you are getting out and going to family. Dont look back. Of course he’s sorry but next time it would be worse and he’d be sorry then too. He is a dangerous man.

Sorry didn’t read all the updates. Glad you’re getting away, keep yourself surrounded by your support system and stay safe x

I was going to say this
I don’t think that you should let him know where you are staying.
Alert your friends and relatives.., tell them to be careful
Report him to the police

What a utterly despicable excuse for a man .

I am so glad you have decided to leave, as many of the pp have said do not contact him again, if he phones/text don't respond, don't read the msg but do keep them , they will be useful proof for the policeif you need it .
To started with they are likely to be pleding , apologising, promising that he won't do it again.
But I can almost guarantee that they will become abusive, crude, cruel and nasty .
This shows you the real type of man that he is.

Tell of your family and friends why you have left him but only tell those that you can trust 100% not to divulge where you are staying just incase he contacts them trying to find out where you are.

Report him to the police so that they have a record of whats happened, it will help you get a faster response from them if he tries anything.

It will also help other women ( and men ) if he becomes violent towards them.

Finally, please look into ways of building yourself esteem, you could go to counselling and / or join a martial arts class.
I dont believe martial arts will necessarily help defend yourself against dickheads like him , however they will teach you confidence and control.

He will do it again and again and again.......It will never stop. You need to walk away and have time by yourself to work out why you stayed with him in those early months when he treated you so badly, you need to ask yourself why you accepted such crap treatment.
This man has no love or respect for you. You don' t have a relationship, you are just something for him to abuse.

I stayed with him when he treated me like shit in the beginning because I guess I just want to be loved, the thought of being on my own makes me sad. I’m insecure, I know that, pathetic really. I give my all to him, I try to be a good woman, a good girlfriend
This stood at too me.
You are not pathetic but it seems you have low self esteem if you are desperate to be loved and have put up with him treating you bad at the beginning of a relationship.
I have a few friends who are single and because they are confident and content with themselves they are living their best lives without the need ff a man. They are open for a relationship but won't tolerate any nonsense.
I would suggest that you work making yourself fabulous and confident first and really raise your bar high.Dont settle for dickheads.

OP, I won’t repeat what others have said- but for a bit of perspective, I have been in 4 mid-long term relationships and none of those men have ever lost their temper with me, or raised their hand to me either. I am pretty certain most of my friends could say the same (bar one who was in an abusive relationship).

So my point is, this behaviour is not normal. It is not what people do in loving, committed relationships. This is not how the person who claims to love you should act. This is not down to you being ‘moody’, it’s a deep personality flaw within him and something that will only get worse.

Yes and run as fast as you can.

I can guarantee he’s never punched or spat at his boss. That indicates he doesn’t have anger management issues and can control his behaviour. I wouldn’t block him - you may need any further abusive or threatening messages as evidence and to warn you of what he might do next. You can mute his messages, don’t respond. Turn off read receipts. Two or more unwanted messages from him can lead to a harassment warning. You can export previous WhatsApp messages to your email as well, in case you lose your phone. Please leave quickly without risking a confrontation.

I can guarantee he’s never punched or spat at his boss. That indicates he doesn’t have anger management issues and can control his behaviour. I wouldn’t block him - you may need any further abusive or threatening messages as evidence and to warn you of what he might do next. You can mute his messages, don’t respond. Turn off read receipts. Two or more unwanted messages from him can lead to a harassment warning. You can export previous WhatsApp messages to your email as well, in case you lose your phone. Please leave quickly without risking a confrontation.

This is very good advice. Please take note OP

Yes and it will get worse.
Unfortunately I've been there and stayed too long. A slap to a punch, a punch to a beating.

I realised one day he would kill me after he punched my best friend when she was trying to save me from a beating.
It is not your fault, but you really need to get out.

@MoveToParis

On your way out let him know he’s an absolute cunt, and he’ll spend the rest of his life living with someone he knows in his heart is a cunt, because that’s all he deserves.

I appreciate what you're saying about him is true but please don't encourage victims of domestic violence to do something so monumentally dangerous. He has punched and spat on her for being 'moody'. What on earth do you think he would do to her if she called him a cunt? Such a dangerous thing to suggest.

Very glad you're leaving today Op especially while he's not there. Be prepared for him to try and change your mind, promises to change, threats of suicide, these abusive men are all the same when someone leaves them. Be strong and forget him

A man doesn't abuse you because there's something wrong with you. He does it because there's something wrong with him. Remember that always, and if someone hurts you, please don't think you need to change or improve to stop it happening again, because I promise you it won't work. If a man hurts you, it means you have become involved with a man who hurts women, and you need to get away from that man as soon as you can. Always.

Stop posting on here, and pack and leave fast before he turns up! He won't change.

Glad to hear it Op.

I was once pushed down the stairs.

It was an accident in that I happened to be standing at the top of the stairs when I was shoved out of the way.

But that was enough.

There was no need to shove me as they could have got by.

ETA- there was of course no need to shove at all. Just because they were in a huff, even if they couldn't have got by they could have waited for me to move!

I am so pleased you are leaving. If you stayed it could escalate and also you would be living on egg shell, hoping he doesn't do it again. That's no way to live.

The OP hasn't been around for over an hour and a half. I'm hoping she's packed already and gone

Please please get out now.

Yes

Well done in deciding to leave. Get out safely and then Report him via 101 so any future partners can find what he’s like via Clare’s Law.

The spitting is to degrade you further, “ put you in your place” — big strong me can punch you senseless if I want then reduce you even further.

Stay away. ignore any “I’m sorry, poor me, I’ll never do it again” shit — it’s the Script they follow.

Stay safe. Follow @AngelusBell advice on keeping messages as evidence but never respond.

Yes.

Good luck xxx

Good luck op, and stay safe!
We're all rooting for you x