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Relationships

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Not sure if partner wants a future with me

121 replies

guineapigmother · 15/08/2024 19:59

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, both mid thirties. He is from a part of Eastern Europe that is not friendly to the west RN. He's obviously not anti UK but some family are and maybe it affects how he expresses himself.

He has told me he loves me maybe half a dozen times, some of those prompted. He's not very expressive. He is able to instigate sex, does so whenever I look 'nice' and sometimes says he's sad we don't do it more often (currently 2x a week) but I don't feel very romanced. Whenever he instigates cuddles it's sexual.

I also don't feel appreciated. E.g., I recommend a podcast and he says 'I'm not interested'. Full stop. I know that sounds small, but applies to my political views etc. This makes me feel lonely as I can't really be myself. He says that is oversensitive.

He owns a flat and invited me to move in, doesn't expect contributions. Which is generous and I'm saving. But when I talk about buying together he shuts it down. He definitely doesn't want me to invest in the flat we're living in. He is from a poor background but it makes me feel like he doesn't see a future with me. He's told me I'm being silly when I say that.

There's nothing wrong with him in terms of cheating or other red flags. I am aware of my fertility and want children. I've only broached the issue with him after a drink or two, but he wouldnt answer because of that as he hates alcohol, and now I feel so scared of asking again.

Please slap some sense into me.

OP posts:
guineapigmother · 15/08/2024 20:38

What about my earrings?

OP posts:
XChrome · 15/08/2024 20:38

guineapigmother · 15/08/2024 20:36

Do wonder if drinking has been a result of feeling sad.

You can both stop the drinking and stop staying with somebody who makes you sad. You'd probably be amazed by how much better you feel. It would be tough at first, but each day you'd be getting healthier both emotionally and physically.

Seaoftroubles · 15/08/2024 20:39

This is going nowhere OP. You are incompatible and he sounds an awful long term prospect. Raise your bar, dump him and get counselling to work out why you are prepared to settle for so little.

guineapigmother · 15/08/2024 20:40

Seaoftroubles · 15/08/2024 20:39

This is going nowhere OP. You are incompatible and he sounds an awful long term prospect. Raise your bar, dump him and get counselling to work out why you are prepared to settle for so little.

He has all my furniture for a start. And it's tricky to live alone in London if you're not loaded.

OP posts:
MilkyCappuchino · 15/08/2024 20:40

I am curious which Eastern EU one is against the UK>>>>

guineapigmother · 15/08/2024 20:41

MilkyCappuchino · 15/08/2024 20:40

I am curious which Eastern EU one is against the UK>>>>

There aren't many options, it's a cultural thing

OP posts:
guineapigmother · 15/08/2024 20:42

guineapigmother · 15/08/2024 20:41

There aren't many options, it's a cultural thing

There's one obvious one, barely europe.

OP posts:
Saddteacher · 15/08/2024 20:44

guineapigmother · 15/08/2024 20:38

What about my earrings?

I wouldn’t know the difference between diamond earrings and good fake . If you left them lying around it’s really not his fault if they are lost .

guineapigmother · 15/08/2024 20:45

Saddteacher · 15/08/2024 20:44

I wouldn’t know the difference between diamond earrings and good fake . If you left them lying around it’s really not his fault if they are lost .

he put them in a bin bag...

OP posts:
MotherOfRatios · 15/08/2024 20:45

You've asked for advice it's been given you need to leave, and you're fighting the advice?

guineapigmother · 15/08/2024 20:48

MotherOfRatios · 15/08/2024 20:45

You've asked for advice it's been given you need to leave, and you're fighting the advice?

I didn't see you comment before, sorry for missing it. I'm obviously not going to just follow any advice like a goon, I'm interested in everything that is said. Are you OK?

OP posts:
MotherOfRatios · 15/08/2024 20:51

guineapigmother · 15/08/2024 20:48

I didn't see you comment before, sorry for missing it. I'm obviously not going to just follow any advice like a goon, I'm interested in everything that is said. Are you OK?

I'm talking about your responses to people on here not me, you're just as bad as him tbh if you're just going to keep providing excuses and stay with him.

You could flatshare in London (look on spare room) or move out and commute in for work. You have options but you'd rather be with him

guineapigmother · 15/08/2024 20:52

MotherOfRatios · 15/08/2024 20:51

I'm talking about your responses to people on here not me, you're just as bad as him tbh if you're just going to keep providing excuses and stay with him.

You could flatshare in London (look on spare room) or move out and commute in for work. You have options but you'd rather be with him

You seem angry, is everything OK?

OP posts:
MotherOfRatios · 15/08/2024 20:53

guineapigmother · 15/08/2024 20:52

You seem angry, is everything OK?

I'm perfectly fine....

justjurate · 15/08/2024 20:53

Is this about earrings or about relationship?
If you feel too invested the go ahead. You will either waste more time on him and have same outcome. Or have family with him (potentially) and then feel even more unhappy and toed to him.
I assume he is from a large country that is currently involved in a major conflict? TBF not sure what it has to do with your relationship? Do you mean he's less expressive with his feelings due to his ethnicity? It is possible, there are some cultural differences, and eastern europeans also are more direct. It could be that he's a "cold" person due to his poor upbringing?

SamW98 · 15/08/2024 20:53

What’s the point if this thread OP? You’ve posted about how crap your relationship is but every time someone comments you just come up with excuses why you won’t leave him.

guineapigmother · 15/08/2024 20:55

MotherOfRatios · 15/08/2024 20:53

I'm perfectly fine....

OK - so have some empathy, I'm working through this. I'm not going to dump my BF immediately to soothe your interest, I am looking for advice. Which I appreciate.

OP posts:
MilkyCappuchino · 15/08/2024 20:56

guineapigmother · 15/08/2024 20:42

There's one obvious one, barely europe.

OK ...

guineapigmother · 15/08/2024 20:57

SamW98 · 15/08/2024 20:53

What’s the point if this thread OP? You’ve posted about how crap your relationship is but every time someone comments you just come up with excuses why you won’t leave him.

I've not. I'm looking for advice, I'm not giving excuses but follow up information in the hope of additional advice.

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 15/08/2024 20:57

So how come he is so loaded that he can afford to buy a flat in London?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 15/08/2024 20:57

actually are you ok @guineapigmother
have you been drinking this evening ?
as your replies are becoming random
and a bit snipey

we are only here giving advice

AquaFurball · 15/08/2024 20:57

guineapigmother · 15/08/2024 20:33

The sex is OK, he is attractive. It is everything else! Political stuff is very difficult,.he just listens to politicsJOE type crap and hates nuance, isn't really interested in my view. Gets bit annoyed if I am passionate.

How dare you have an opinion woman. Know your place!

This man cuts you off when you tell him anything you are interested in or are passionate about and you don't think you deserve better because he's not terrible? Why would you want to have children with someone like that, do you think he will value their opinions more?

Viviennemary · 15/08/2024 20:58

Really this is going nowhere. Don't invest any more of your life in this unsatisfactory relationship. Doesn't look like things will get any better.

Dillydollydingdong · 15/08/2024 20:58

Never going to find someone? How old are you? Of course you can, there are loads of pnice men out there. I've got a man, an ex who doesn't want to be ex., and two potentials, and I'm a lot older than you.

guineapigmother · 15/08/2024 20:59

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 15/08/2024 20:57

actually are you ok @guineapigmother
have you been drinking this evening ?
as your replies are becoming random
and a bit snipey

we are only here giving advice

I'm not OK, no, I'm responding to accusations not sure why you say random?

OP posts: