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Original poster

What would you do?

441 replies

Airyfairy1985 · 15/08/2024 10:55

I'm in a bit of a tricky dating scenario, I met this guy OLD a few weeks ago and in a short space of time we've hung out a lot and both admitted we've formed a really great connection.

We've been in touch a lot, but in the last week his phone has stopped receiving any messages and I've also noticed he's not posted anything on social media (i'm not on social media but he showed me his profile which is public). I've not been checking in a stalkerish way more than he's completely vanished and I was confused and concerned as to what's happened to him.

The only conclusion I can come to is that he's lost/broken his phone and has lost his contacts, he has to have a phone for work and to contact his kids so this is nothing to do with me, I'm also not blocked on whatsapp or anything like that so it seems like this is the likely scenario.

I guess I'm thinking I could just leave it to fate and assume I will never hear from him again, but if he has lost all numbers he won't be able to contact me in any other way, the only thing I could do is email him at this work address but I can't decide if that is total pyschopath behaviour, although due to his work, his email is easily available by a simple Google search.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Idontjetwashthefucker · 22/08/2024 11:34

But you're constantly obsessing over what to do and you haven't lost contact, he's stopped contact!

I agree, I will have to leave it to fate! Maybe do this as you said very early on in the thread, and realise you're probably never going to hear from him again...not that I understand why you would want to anyway

Original poster
Airyfairy1985 · 22/08/2024 11:43

Idontjetwashthefucker · 22/08/2024 11:34

But you're constantly obsessing over what to do and you haven't lost contact, he's stopped contact!

I agree, I will have to leave it to fate! Maybe do this as you said very early on in the thread, and realise you're probably never going to hear from him again...not that I understand why you would want to anyway

Yup, completely fair comment 🙏

OP posts:
letmego24 · 22/08/2024 11:50

Airyfairy1985 · 22/08/2024 11:28

The last message he sent me was complimenting me on how 'amazing' I looked in one of my photos. Then after that he went silent.
I did call back the prison but they said there's no way to circumvent the system and you have to wait for your number to be approved.
My thoughts would be, he knew he was going to be recalled, didn't want to tell me as he knew it would ruin things, didn't know how to handle it and that would explain why he disappeared. But then obviously has had a crisis of conscience and wants to talk to me to let me know what's happened. OR something happened unexpectedly and he went inside.
Re the prison call, yes this may well have been a mistake and does happen, but prisoners can't just call random numbers they have to provide a list of friends and family who they get added to their 'pin' phone system, BUT someone genuinely could have just written down my number in error.
I am going to leave it for now, the mutual friend was not massively forthcoming with information and I just don't want to go there, like someone said, too much effort on my part.
I've done all the googling, can't find anything at all.
I think my last resort may be an email to the work address but even that I feel is a step too far and again too much for me to do considering it's his fault we have lost contact.
For those saying I am obsessive, I think obsessive behaviour would be doing all the things that have been suggested but I haven't, I'm just airing it online to see what people's thoughts are, like I said, my life is still going on. But this guy came along and swept me off my feet, he was funny, charming and attentive. In any case, however this ends, I will be moving on and dating again and he will just become a memory.

At the end of the day, he knows where you live, is that correct?
I think he's lost or broken his phone.
If your number isn't yet approved how would he have been able to ring it?
I think the prison scenario very unlikely.

Original poster
Airyfairy1985 · 22/08/2024 11:59

letmego24 · 22/08/2024 11:50

At the end of the day, he knows where you live, is that correct?
I think he's lost or broken his phone.
If your number isn't yet approved how would he have been able to ring it?
I think the prison scenario very unlikely.

Show quote history

Yep I'm thinking more it was a coincidence too, all they said was that someone from the prison has to call you first so you agree to receiving calls from the prisoner, it's standard procedure to stop unwanted harassment. I'm feeling quite fed up about the whole thing today and kind of actually don't care anymore.

OP posts:
ClickClickety · 22/08/2024 12:03

My guess:

He’s still married. The ‘house being redecorated’ is the marital home and he uses a friend’s place for his affairs. The number he used for you is a burner and he’s ditched it. He lost interest and ghosted you. Much of what he told you about his life is a pack of lies. The prison call was wrong number.

Next time don’t date anyone who isn’t definitely and provably divorced.

Original poster
Airyfairy1985 · 22/08/2024 12:04

ClickClickety · 22/08/2024 12:03

My guess:

He’s still married. The ‘house being redecorated’ is the marital home and he uses a friend’s place for his affairs. The number he used for you is a burner and he’s ditched it. He lost interest and ghosted you. Much of what he told you about his life is a pack of lies. The prison call was wrong number.

Next time don’t date anyone who isn’t definitely and provably divorced.

The only thing is when you Google his number it is 100% linked to his work profile, I don't believe it was his burner phone, I was with him when friends and family were contacting him on it in front of me.

OP posts:
samanthablues · 22/08/2024 12:41

Airyfairy1985 · 22/08/2024 11:28

The last message he sent me was complimenting me on how 'amazing' I looked in one of my photos. Then after that he went silent.
I did call back the prison but they said there's no way to circumvent the system and you have to wait for your number to be approved.
My thoughts would be, he knew he was going to be recalled, didn't want to tell me as he knew it would ruin things, didn't know how to handle it and that would explain why he disappeared. But then obviously has had a crisis of conscience and wants to talk to me to let me know what's happened. OR something happened unexpectedly and he went inside.
Re the prison call, yes this may well have been a mistake and does happen, but prisoners can't just call random numbers they have to provide a list of friends and family who they get added to their 'pin' phone system, BUT someone genuinely could have just written down my number in error.
I am going to leave it for now, the mutual friend was not massively forthcoming with information and I just don't want to go there, like someone said, too much effort on my part.
I've done all the googling, can't find anything at all.
I think my last resort may be an email to the work address but even that I feel is a step too far and again too much for me to do considering it's his fault we have lost contact.
For those saying I am obsessive, I think obsessive behaviour would be doing all the things that have been suggested but I haven't, I'm just airing it online to see what people's thoughts are, like I said, my life is still going on. But this guy came along and swept me off my feet, he was funny, charming and attentive. In any case, however this ends, I will be moving on and dating again and he will just become a memory.

Not to burst your bubble OP but I once got a call from a prisión, my phone number was listed on gumtree because I was selling a table and said prisioner called me just because he felt lonely and wanted to chat. I didn’t know this person so hung up.

Original poster
Airyfairy1985 · 22/08/2024 12:48

samanthablues · 22/08/2024 12:41

Not to burst your bubble OP but I once got a call from a prisión, my phone number was listed on gumtree because I was selling a table and said prisioner called me just because he felt lonely and wanted to chat. I didn’t know this person so hung up.

Show quote history

Yup, like I said though, you can't just make outbound calls without them being approved first, the prison told me this when I called them back, I think the phone system has changed, can you imagine how many unwanted random phone calls there would be like this otherwise.

OP posts:
HopefulllHolly · 22/08/2024 13:52

Not to be harsh but just realistic - I don’t see someone going to prison and calling someone they only met a few weeks prior, more likely parents or close friends/siblings. So I think it was a mistake too.
At least you’re feeling more annoyed today - I’d personally just let it go and forget about him and remember those few meetings fondly but that’s it. There’ll be others who make you feel the same I’m sure.

RedRoss86 · 22/08/2024 14:39

FlyingFox · 21/08/2024 22:07

Hmmm the plot thickens, what a mystery, I can understand why you want to know, as I would too, just for closure at least if that's what it is. These are some things I would try and yes I sound like a crazy woman but I'd have to know too what had happened and if he is actually OK as maybe he has had some sort of accident. I have to say though one of my ex's had a second phone he used to use for his "mistress" so that is also a possibility, if he was just out for a bit of fun.

  1. Google his name and city/town, also search the name and town on social media to see if there are any posts (not his posts). I assume you know it is his real name as you have found him on socials, so that alone kind of says he's not trying to cover his tracks too much if he is in a relationship or married or surely he would give a fake name.
  2. I would have to pass by the house and see if there is any sign of anyone.
  3. I would also ask the mutual aquaintance casually if they had seen him recently did this person know you were dating?
  4. I don't know if this would get anywhere but I would call back the prison number and say I had a missed call from you a few days ago and I'm concerned as a friend of mine has been uncontactable for a while and I wondered if it was him trying to get in touch, or something like that. They probably won't reveal anything but worth a try.
  5. You said he is off for the summer, so I'm assuming maybe he's a teacher or works in education? Not sure what other jobs get the whole summer off. I think I would be tempted to message the work email and just say something brief, I've tried to contact you but your phone doesn't seem to be working and I wanted to check if you are OK type thing. Worth a go, not going to cause any harm is it he can choose to ignore if he wants to.
  6. Log back onto the OLD site and search for him and search for others in your area in case he's under another name.
  7. Call the local hospital and say you have a missing friend and wanted to check if he has been admitted to hospital, they may or may not reveal if he has.
  8. Alternatively send me his name and town and I will be a sleuth for you haha!!
  9. Can't think of anything else to try! You've more than likely done some of these things anyway but just some ideas I've been thinking about the last few days since reading your post!

It's all very strange!! If he was just cutting you out then his phone would work from other numbers which it doesn't, so that doesn't make sense.

I vote give FlyingFox his name so she can investigate 😅
We're all invested in this mystery OP 🤣

Catandsquirrel · 22/08/2024 14:51

I thought she'd missed a call from a number linked to the jail?

samanthablues · 22/08/2024 15:53

RedRoss86 · 22/08/2024 14:39

I vote give FlyingFox his name so she can investigate 😅
We're all invested in this mystery OP 🤣

Show quote history

He turned out to be on the list of “FBI’s most wanted” and is now being deported to the US on charges of fraud as he was a known online romance scammer.

Bullet dodged OP.

Jokes apart.. if his phone is not getting any connection when calling from different numbers that means he changed his number (when you block someone it goes directly to voicemail) if he didn’t give you his new number there is a reason for that. If you loose your phone you will still get the voice mail. It’s not looking good OP, you might have dodged a big bullet here.

Original poster
Airyfairy1985 · 22/08/2024 16:01

I had one missed call from a prison in London which I called back and was told it was to do with the call verification process and to wait for another call, the won't give you any more information about that.
I'm on the fence about the phone thing, I know this is the number he has had for years and it feels like it would be so much effort to change it but you might well be right. That's why I was baffled about the WhatsApp blocking as that's normally the simplest and easiest option to avoid people
Because he went silent on social media and still is, that's why the prison phone call seemed more likely.
Although again, all theories, could be married and got caught like others have said and his wife demanded he change his number.
Surely as some point he will reappear on social media though.

OP posts:
samanthablues · 22/08/2024 16:13

Airyfairy1985 · 22/08/2024 16:01

I had one missed call from a prison in London which I called back and was told it was to do with the call verification process and to wait for another call, the won't give you any more information about that.
I'm on the fence about the phone thing, I know this is the number he has had for years and it feels like it would be so much effort to change it but you might well be right. That's why I was baffled about the WhatsApp blocking as that's normally the simplest and easiest option to avoid people
Because he went silent on social media and still is, that's why the prison phone call seemed more likely.
Although again, all theories, could be married and got caught like others have said and his wife demanded he change his number.
Surely as some point he will reappear on social media though.

Please keep checking his social media for any selfies of him in a striped or orange suit and update us 🤣

helloballoon · 22/08/2024 16:21

Wow, this thread is bonkers 😂 man ghosts woman so she presumes he’s gone to jail cos it couldn’t possibly be he just doesn’t like her as much as she likes him, talk about clutching at straws!

sorry OP, don’t want to be sound mean but you come across as desperate. There is someone out there better for you

Original poster
Airyfairy1985 · 22/08/2024 16:28

Yes I've been ghosted that's right and coincidentally his phone has died, he's not posted anything on social media, I'm not blocked on WhatsApp and I get a random phone call from prison. Classic ghosting!!
I said I would exhaust all options by the end of this week, the only indication he will have that I've attempted to contact him is one Facebook message, I can live with that.
I'm far from desperate, I know this guy has mental health issues which might mean he could not be well and he would 100% be the kind of person who would randomly lose his phone and all numbers.

OP posts:
HelpAGirlOut1234 · 22/08/2024 16:38

helloballoon · 22/08/2024 16:21

Wow, this thread is bonkers 😂 man ghosts woman so she presumes he’s gone to jail cos it couldn’t possibly be he just doesn’t like her as much as she likes him, talk about clutching at straws!

sorry OP, don’t want to be sound mean but you come across as desperate. There is someone out there better for you

Oh for gods sake, there's nuance to this situation, it's not a classic ghosting and OP doesn't even sound like she wants to pursue anything romantic anymore... it's about the mystery! Do you have no natural sense of curiosity?

Cural · 22/08/2024 17:06

There has to be a bit more to this than a straightforward ghosting.

You could well hear from him one day when you're least expecting it and life has moved on....

samanthablues · 22/08/2024 17:06

@Airyfairy1985 and he would 100% be the kind of person who would randomly lose his phone and all numbers.

Again: if you loose your phone (let’s say he dropped it inside the toilet and flushed) you will still get a voicemail when you call him, even if the battery is empty or out of the network, if you get a voice saying “cannot connect” that means the line is not in service any more. If he indeed has lost his phone he’ll get a new one and once he installs wassap all his contacts will download themselves as they are stored in the cloud (virtual memory). If he’s interested you will hear from him eventually once he climbs out of that ‘ditch he fell into’.

Original poster
Airyfairy1985 · 22/08/2024 17:27

samanthablues · 22/08/2024 17:06

@Airyfairy1985 and he would 100% be the kind of person who would randomly lose his phone and all numbers.

Again: if you loose your phone (let’s say he dropped it inside the toilet and flushed) you will still get a voicemail when you call him, even if the battery is empty or out of the network, if you get a voice saying “cannot connect” that means the line is not in service any more. If he indeed has lost his phone he’ll get a new one and once he installs wassap all his contacts will download themselves as they are stored in the cloud (virtual memory). If he’s interested you will hear from him eventually once he climbs out of that ‘ditch he fell into’.

Edited

Yup, it just says it has not been possible to connect your call please try again later which means he doesn't have any voicemail, same message when I call from my work phone. Phone is definitely dead.

OP posts:
samanthablues · 22/08/2024 17:34

Airyfairy1985 · 22/08/2024 17:27

Yup, it just says it has not been possible to connect your call please try again later which means he doesn't have any voicemail, same message when I call from my work phone. Phone is definitely dead.

Show quote history

It’s not that the phone is ‘dead’ OP, it’s that the line is no longer operative, different things. He could have not paid his phone bill and service was cut off (another reason why a line would be no longer operative).

63isMe · 22/08/2024 17:50

jJust drop it and go other things. If there is a genuine reason for him to have disappeared then he might get back in touch. If he doesn’t -then it’s ghosting.
The prison thing is a coincidence -who would contact a casual new OLD person from prison?!

Original poster
Airyfairy1985 · 22/08/2024 17:56

Yep I'm rejoining hinge as we speak 🤣
Yep re phone, agreed, although, and again,.not making excuses, if phone was nicked, sim taken out, that's the message you hear. I have done research on that bit same as the WhatsApp blocking thing. 😬
I agree the prison thing is random, I guess my thought process was he indicated he really liked me and we were were due to meet and to just disappear is obviously not great so I just wondered whether he might want to let me know what happened.

OP posts:
samanthablues · 22/08/2024 18:03

Airyfairy1985 · 22/08/2024 17:56

Yep I'm rejoining hinge as we speak 🤣
Yep re phone, agreed, although, and again,.not making excuses, if phone was nicked, sim taken out, that's the message you hear. I have done research on that bit same as the WhatsApp blocking thing. 😬
I agree the prison thing is random, I guess my thought process was he indicated he really liked me and we were were due to meet and to just disappear is obviously not great so I just wondered whether he might want to let me know what happened.

Don’t feel bad OP, if something like this happened to me I would want closure too. In order to turn page and close “chapters” we need to understand what happened then come to terms with it. You’re searching for answers in order to close a chapter and that’s ok.

violetto · 22/08/2024 18:08

Can you honestly comment on "the kind of person" he is and the likelihood of him losing his phone etc after a few weeks of dating though?

I'm all for a bit of intrigue but you seem to be betting a lot of your own emotional collateral on this man and the outcome of this drama. Just don't give him more headspace than you can afford.