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Original poster

What would you do?

441 replies

Airyfairy1985 · 15/08/2024 10:55

I'm in a bit of a tricky dating scenario, I met this guy OLD a few weeks ago and in a short space of time we've hung out a lot and both admitted we've formed a really great connection.

We've been in touch a lot, but in the last week his phone has stopped receiving any messages and I've also noticed he's not posted anything on social media (i'm not on social media but he showed me his profile which is public). I've not been checking in a stalkerish way more than he's completely vanished and I was confused and concerned as to what's happened to him.

The only conclusion I can come to is that he's lost/broken his phone and has lost his contacts, he has to have a phone for work and to contact his kids so this is nothing to do with me, I'm also not blocked on whatsapp or anything like that so it seems like this is the likely scenario.

I guess I'm thinking I could just leave it to fate and assume I will never hear from him again, but if he has lost all numbers he won't be able to contact me in any other way, the only thing I could do is email him at this work address but I can't decide if that is total pyschopath behaviour, although due to his work, his email is easily available by a simple Google search.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Airyfairy1985 · 22/08/2024 19:40

Thank you 🙏 eugh you're right, I need to drop it, I think the prison call was a red herring and this guy is just a cunt. Thanks for all the supportive messages, if there are any more updates I'll keep you all posted.

OP posts:
Original poster
Airyfairy1985 · 23/08/2024 16:54

Ok so for those that were invested only, today was my last day of cut off, show of virtual hands who thinks they would drop a welfare check kind of email to his work email, like along the lines of, not heard from you, hope you're ok type of vibe. I'm thinking worst case scenario, no response and I will never bump into him in my normal walk of life anyway so nothing to lose??

OP posts:
Letsnotupsettheapplcart · 23/08/2024 16:56

Airyfairy1985 · 15/08/2024 11:13

Phone goes straight to 'can't connect call' which again indicates it's off and annoyingly he doesn't have voicemail, i came off the OLD site a while ago, not because of him, just because I needed a break

I agree, I will have to leave it to fate!

Show quote history

Can’t you call from a different phone and that will at least tell you if you’re blocked or not?

HelpAGirlOut1234 · 23/08/2024 17:01

Airyfairy1985 · 23/08/2024 16:54

Ok so for those that were invested only, today was my last day of cut off, show of virtual hands who thinks they would drop a welfare check kind of email to his work email, like along the lines of, not heard from you, hope you're ok type of vibe. I'm thinking worst case scenario, no response and I will never bump into him in my normal walk of life anyway so nothing to lose??

Do you think he'll be checking his work email when he's off?

You've nothing to lose really by sending a quick mail...

samanthablues · 23/08/2024 17:15

@HelpAGirlOut1234 You've nothing to lose really by sending a quick mail...

This ☝️

Original poster
Airyfairy1985 · 23/08/2024 17:22

Letsnotupsettheapplcart · 23/08/2024 16:56

Can’t you call from a different phone and that will at least tell you if you’re blocked or not?

Show quote history

Yup did that from work phone and same 'not been possible to connect your call' response. I'm thinking phone is stolen like people have said, no contacts backed up, he might have a work laptop and will need to be accessing those emails.

OP posts:
PleaseExcuseMe · 23/08/2024 17:31

I've been reading this thread from the start and haven't felt the need to reply until now. In regards to the prison call, are you sure that's to do with him? I work in family services within a prison and deal with approving people that prisoners can have on their 'approved list'. In order for him to add you on there, he would need your full name and date of birth and would have needed to memorise your phone number! Otherwise, he'd need to write you a letter to ask for your phone number and then go through the process of adding it to the approved list. As well as confirm your connection to him (to make sure they're not calling anyone who may be linked to any potential court cases). Seems a bit much for him to have to do for someone he had a new connection with?
Also, the person calling you from the prison would ask you to verify you know the prisoner and be able to tell you who it was that wanted to contact you. Seems unlikely (but I guess not impossible). That call wasn't regarding him.

essexvicky · 23/08/2024 17:38

I don’t think he has ghosted you I def think something more has happened here. I also think you have nothing to lose emailing his work you don’t know any of them so who cares if they think your nuts but it might stop you thinking about him for months if you actually find out what’s happened. However I will say after all this do you really think he could be the one? Do you want someone with complex mental health issues or being in prison in your life?
The other explanation could be he was suffering with his mental health as he’s married and really liked you but felt guilty on his wife and kids and gave you some other story to feel sorry for him and at the end of the day he chose his family over you.

AlwaysGreen · 23/08/2024 17:47

No to the email! Can't believe there are others suggesting you to go ahead with it🫣 Might be harsh, but have some self-respect and move on!

samanthablues · 23/08/2024 18:10

AlwaysGreen · 23/08/2024 17:47

No to the email! Can't believe there are others suggesting you to go ahead with it🫣 Might be harsh, but have some self-respect and move on!

Personally I'd rather email if that's going to help me find closure and move on, because deep down it's all about that, not holding on to some silly pride to protect your fragile ego then stay wondering for years to come "what if?" or "what happened to him?". OP needs to pass chapter and if email is the way let be it. The worst that can happen is he doesn't reply or he replies with "I'm not interested", big effing deal. "closure", that magic word that enable us to move on with our lifes.

Psychoticbreak · 23/08/2024 18:14

Airyfairy1985 · 23/08/2024 16:54

Ok so for those that were invested only, today was my last day of cut off, show of virtual hands who thinks they would drop a welfare check kind of email to his work email, like along the lines of, not heard from you, hope you're ok type of vibe. I'm thinking worst case scenario, no response and I will never bump into him in my normal walk of life anyway so nothing to lose??

No. His personal and professional lives I would assume are totally separate. He may be dead, he may have been fired which is why that phone is off, he may have just decided fuck this and dropped everything and moved away for all you know however, IF he is alive, not in a coma and not in prison and is into you he will find a way to contact you. Even in prison to be fair he could do that as if he wanted to badly enough he could contact one of his friends and get them to let you know where he is.

I have read it from the start and really wanted any outcome for you as I am big on closure but I think contacting his job is a step too far.

Original poster
Airyfairy1985 · 23/08/2024 18:30

Thanks everyone, I'm sat here with my friend too and we've decided no, she said I'm better than that, I'm going to leave it. 🙏

OP posts:
HelpAGirlOut1234 · 23/08/2024 18:32

I really hope it's not the case, but have you checked the obituaries???

Duckduckgoose24 · 23/08/2024 19:53

Don't email his work, I can't imagine someone emailing my department because I stopped contact with them (if that's the case) I'd die as I keep work and personal life really separate.

Original poster
Airyfairy1985 · 23/08/2024 20:10

Duckduckgoose24 · 23/08/2024 19:53

Don't email his work, I can't imagine someone emailing my department because I stopped contact with them (if that's the case) I'd die as I keep work and personal life really separate.

No I agree, I will leave it, at the end of the day as other posters have said rightly so, it's not me that's lost contact it's him, it's not my responsibility therefore to try and get back on touch.

OP posts:
Original poster
Airyfairy1985 · 23/08/2024 20:44

I'm doing it, I'm emailing him, I'm sorry 😐

OP posts:
Kat888 · 23/08/2024 20:53

If it helps you to get some closure than you gotta do it.

Duckduckgoose24 · 23/08/2024 20:55

Airyfairy1985 · 23/08/2024 20:44

I'm doing it, I'm emailing him, I'm sorry 😐

That's the wine talking! What are you writing?

Idontjetwashthefucker · 23/08/2024 21:21

Oh ffs

IceCreamWoes · 23/08/2024 21:24

You'll really fucking regret this

Original poster
Airyfairy1985 · 23/08/2024 21:44

I'm not doing it 🙏

OP posts:
Catandsquirrel · 23/08/2024 21:45

Me, I'd keep work out of it unless it's a genuine welfare concern. If so, and you really want to follow up, knock on the shared house first then call the office if no answer.

I wouldn't bother emailing. He can just ignore or might never get it.

If it's about closure at this stage, I would leave it totally. Dont send anything tonight

dontlookbackinangerr · 23/08/2024 21:52

Remember.. let fate decide...!

letmego24 · 23/08/2024 23:18

I would try his accommodation first.

ImAFemaleVersionOfRoyKeane · 24/08/2024 03:49

Why not ring his work via the switchboard and ask to speak to him.

If they put you through you can hang up if you hear his voice, but will know he's ok.

Alternatively, if he's not there, they may say he's on holiday or has left etc.

Withhold your number before doing so and don't leave your details.