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Original poster

What would you do?

441 replies

Airyfairy1985 · 15/08/2024 10:55

I'm in a bit of a tricky dating scenario, I met this guy OLD a few weeks ago and in a short space of time we've hung out a lot and both admitted we've formed a really great connection.

We've been in touch a lot, but in the last week his phone has stopped receiving any messages and I've also noticed he's not posted anything on social media (i'm not on social media but he showed me his profile which is public). I've not been checking in a stalkerish way more than he's completely vanished and I was confused and concerned as to what's happened to him.

The only conclusion I can come to is that he's lost/broken his phone and has lost his contacts, he has to have a phone for work and to contact his kids so this is nothing to do with me, I'm also not blocked on whatsapp or anything like that so it seems like this is the likely scenario.

I guess I'm thinking I could just leave it to fate and assume I will never hear from him again, but if he has lost all numbers he won't be able to contact me in any other way, the only thing I could do is email him at this work address but I can't decide if that is total pyschopath behaviour, although due to his work, his email is easily available by a simple Google search.

What would you do?

OP posts:
letmego24 · 21/08/2024 19:55

Is he still at his summer place of stay?

Original poster
Airyfairy1985 · 21/08/2024 20:04

letmego24 · 21/08/2024 19:55

Is he still at his summer place of stay?

I have no idea, my only option would be to visit that area and see if I can spot him...I'm wondering if I should re contact the mutual friend we have, whose son is in my daughter's class at school and whose friend he has been staying with in this spot over the summer. I just don't want to get them too involved and for it to become awkward? But this person is really my only potential link to finding out.

OP posts:
AgileGreenSeal · 21/08/2024 20:11

I wouldn’t do anything and just wait.
if he gets in touch I would take it from there.
or probably not, as he sounds “off” to me.
sorry.

HopefulllHolly · 21/08/2024 20:30

A mystery! Sorry OP that you’re stuck in limbo - always the worst part! You may well have had a good connection and didn’t imagine it and he’s either lost his phone, having a mental episode of some sort or is in a relationship.

Alternatively - and I say this partially in jest because of the timings and prison call - but is he the type to take part in rioting?! Just throwing my new alternate ending out there 😅

HopefulllHolly · 21/08/2024 20:31

Oh and definitely don’t message your mutual friend anymore - it gives it more time and effort than it probably deserves (and they may well mention it to him and IF he is blanking you purposefully then you’ll be made out to be a bunny boiler)

RetroTotty · 21/08/2024 20:33

Was he involved in the riots? They got imprisoned very quickly.

HopefulllHolly · 21/08/2024 20:36

RetroTotty · 21/08/2024 20:33

Was he involved in the riots? They got imprisoned very quickly.

My thoughts exactly! And if so….ewwwww

samanthablues · 21/08/2024 20:49

RetroTotty · 21/08/2024 20:33

Was he involved in the riots? They got imprisoned very quickly.

I hope he was not one of those making online comments cheering the crowds, he may have gotten a "knock on the door" a few days ago....

aCatCalledFawkes · 21/08/2024 20:54

Oh my goodness how is this thread is still going on? OP Why haven't you just left it? Why do you need to know? Unless he has tried to contact you, it doesn't sound like he is a decent person at all and your still thinking of ways to make contact with him.

HelpAGirlOut1234 · 21/08/2024 21:09

aCatCalledFawkes · 21/08/2024 20:54

Oh my goodness how is this thread is still going on? OP Why haven't you just left it? Why do you need to know? Unless he has tried to contact you, it doesn't sound like he is a decent person at all and your still thinking of ways to make contact with him.

Because at this stage it's like a made for TV mystery. I definitely want to know what's happened, I think plenty of other people on this thread want to as well. The OP is obviously still interested in what's happened because it's a mystery as well. Id be reacting the exact same way...

HelpAGirlOut1234 · 21/08/2024 21:10

RetroTotty · 21/08/2024 20:33

Was he involved in the riots? They got imprisoned very quickly.

Oooh.... good shout! That could definitely be a possibility!

Original poster
Airyfairy1985 · 21/08/2024 21:24

Thank you @HelpAGirlOut1234 🙏
I know it seems nuts but I did say my time limit was end of this week, I was just trying to work out the prison phone call part, there's no way you can deny that would do your head in a bit. And you might be right about the riots, although he would have been one of the 'peaceful' protesters and I know he has been to these kind of marches before. BUT I still think something in his past is to play here, and possibly to do with his ex and his kids, and he might have felt too embarrassed to be honest about it. Of course this could all be bullshit and he could just be a complete dick!!

OP posts:
HelpAGirlOut1234 · 21/08/2024 21:30

@Airyfairy1985 I'm totally with you on this. I would have lost all romantic interest at this stage as well but the curiosity wouldn't allow me to just forget about it either.

It's not like a normal ghosting is it? It's intriguing... he could be married, he could be jailed, he could be suffering a MH crisis, he could be lying somewhere in a coma or worse (hopefully not the case). I wouldn't be able to just drop it immediately. I completely understand your reaction to this.... and selfishly hoping you keep us updated!

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 21/08/2024 21:40

OP have you looked at daily court lists to see if his name is on them? You might be there a while if he’s in London, but otherwise should be straightforward.

You could also make a Clare’s Law request and the police would tell you if he had a history of DV.

Greenangeleyes · 21/08/2024 22:04

I hope you get some closure on this. I don’t think he has blocked you. I reckon the prison scenario is realistic.

FlyingFox · 21/08/2024 22:07

Hmmm the plot thickens, what a mystery, I can understand why you want to know, as I would too, just for closure at least if that's what it is. These are some things I would try and yes I sound like a crazy woman but I'd have to know too what had happened and if he is actually OK as maybe he has had some sort of accident. I have to say though one of my ex's had a second phone he used to use for his "mistress" so that is also a possibility, if he was just out for a bit of fun.

  1. Google his name and city/town, also search the name and town on social media to see if there are any posts (not his posts). I assume you know it is his real name as you have found him on socials, so that alone kind of says he's not trying to cover his tracks too much if he is in a relationship or married or surely he would give a fake name.
  2. I would have to pass by the house and see if there is any sign of anyone.
  3. I would also ask the mutual aquaintance casually if they had seen him recently did this person know you were dating?
  4. I don't know if this would get anywhere but I would call back the prison number and say I had a missed call from you a few days ago and I'm concerned as a friend of mine has been uncontactable for a while and I wondered if it was him trying to get in touch, or something like that. They probably won't reveal anything but worth a try.
  5. You said he is off for the summer, so I'm assuming maybe he's a teacher or works in education? Not sure what other jobs get the whole summer off. I think I would be tempted to message the work email and just say something brief, I've tried to contact you but your phone doesn't seem to be working and I wanted to check if you are OK type thing. Worth a go, not going to cause any harm is it he can choose to ignore if he wants to.
  6. Log back onto the OLD site and search for him and search for others in your area in case he's under another name.
  7. Call the local hospital and say you have a missing friend and wanted to check if he has been admitted to hospital, they may or may not reveal if he has.
  8. Alternatively send me his name and town and I will be a sleuth for you haha!!
  9. Can't think of anything else to try! You've more than likely done some of these things anyway but just some ideas I've been thinking about the last few days since reading your post!

It's all very strange!! If he was just cutting you out then his phone would work from other numbers which it doesn't, so that doesn't make sense.

Catandsquirrel · 21/08/2024 22:14

I'm inclined to wonder why was anyone actively dating with 'in a relationship' on his profile if using it regularly? That seems a very big oversight and likely to spoil things.

Would there be anyone he knows at the summer place?

I'd be curious to ring the prison back either way. Might be a scam they'd want to know about if not him. If him, obviously they wouldn't confirm but may take an address for you or have a process for missed calls.

violetto · 22/08/2024 01:16

You say "recalled to prison" so has he a criminal record?

He doesn't sound like the greatest catch to be honest, prison isn't where most people's minds go when "ghosted"!!

xxSideshowAuntSallyxx · 22/08/2024 06:15

My guess is he's changed his number (people do) for whatever reason and he doesn't want to contact the OP so hasn't readded her to WhatsApp. He was active on social media, with it saying he was in a relationship but your messages aren't being delivered in messenger. At a guess his wife found out and he's taking a break from social media too.

It all seems so contrived, he has a summer place, missed call from a prison (I get random missed calls all the time) and an OP seemingly so obsessed she now thinks he's in prison or excuses his ghosting because of his mental health.

If he is in prison do you really want that sort of man in your life? And why wouldn't your mutual friend tell you, because they'd know if he was.

Catandsquirrel · 22/08/2024 07:26

I mean totally agreed, I wouldn't want all that in my life, it would be curiosity/ to check his welfare as far as I could only

meimei80 · 22/08/2024 07:53

Airyfairy1985 · 21/08/2024 19:19

Thanks, so my theory today, and bear in mind this has been concocted after a couple of glasses of wine 😬 is that he was recalled to prison, for something he didn't want to tell me about, if you're recalled you then have the opportunity to get all the numbers out of your phone, which may explain how he was able to attempt to make contact, he's still complete MIA, anyway this is just today's thought process 🤣

Show quote history

Why would you want him in your life though if he is in prison?!

FlyingFox · 22/08/2024 08:52

meimei80 · 22/08/2024 07:53

Why would you want him in your life though if he is in prison?!

Show quote history

I doubt she does, it's more getting closure on what happened I think!

Amberjane41 · 22/08/2024 09:03

Absolutely get why you want to know!! I’d suggest anyone who doesn’t or is calling the OP ‘obsessed’ when she clearly isn’t…( she’s literally updated a few times with a couple of theories) leave this thread immediately and leave it for the rest of us who genuinely want to know! I think prison definitely. It’s too much a coincidence

FlyingFox · 22/08/2024 09:10

Amberjane41 · 22/08/2024 09:03

Absolutely get why you want to know!! I’d suggest anyone who doesn’t or is calling the OP ‘obsessed’ when she clearly isn’t…( she’s literally updated a few times with a couple of theories) leave this thread immediately and leave it for the rest of us who genuinely want to know! I think prison definitely. It’s too much a coincidence

Well said! But, if he is in prison, would he want her to know that?! Would he bother to try and call? Unless it's something like was said if he was more of a peaceful protestor as the OP stated, who got caught up somehow in trouble with the riots unintentionally. It's all very odd but I would have to have some sort of closure on the matter as well.

Original poster
Airyfairy1985 · 22/08/2024 11:28

The last message he sent me was complimenting me on how 'amazing' I looked in one of my photos. Then after that he went silent.
I did call back the prison but they said there's no way to circumvent the system and you have to wait for your number to be approved.
My thoughts would be, he knew he was going to be recalled, didn't want to tell me as he knew it would ruin things, didn't know how to handle it and that would explain why he disappeared. But then obviously has had a crisis of conscience and wants to talk to me to let me know what's happened. OR something happened unexpectedly and he went inside.
Re the prison call, yes this may well have been a mistake and does happen, but prisoners can't just call random numbers they have to provide a list of friends and family who they get added to their 'pin' phone system, BUT someone genuinely could have just written down my number in error.
I am going to leave it for now, the mutual friend was not massively forthcoming with information and I just don't want to go there, like someone said, too much effort on my part.
I've done all the googling, can't find anything at all.
I think my last resort may be an email to the work address but even that I feel is a step too far and again too much for me to do considering it's his fault we have lost contact.
For those saying I am obsessive, I think obsessive behaviour would be doing all the things that have been suggested but I haven't, I'm just airing it online to see what people's thoughts are, like I said, my life is still going on. But this guy came along and swept me off my feet, he was funny, charming and attentive. In any case, however this ends, I will be moving on and dating again and he will just become a memory.

OP posts: