Husband looking at my sisters "naughty website"

[Mumoftwo95]

I made a thread yesterday with screen shots of his notifications from what looked like a saucy hook up site, I had it out with him and he said they must be spam notifications from live streaming the boxing illegally. I looked it up and it said he could have accidentally clicked "allow pop ups" on his browser so I tried to find the settings for him and stumbled apon his search history which had shown he had been accessing has been accessing my sisters "naughty website" multiple times over the last few months. He said he hasn't subscribed as if that makes it any better. I feel so sick, betrayed and just completely ruined.

How would you go about moving out? I have bugger all in savings and have a 2 + 3 year old to look after, my whole life has fallen to pieces in the matter of minutes.

wanking to them isn't

Pursuing material to wank to your sister or brother in law - repeatedly...is a basic bar.

It is a line crossed.

I feel sorry for you if you actually think it isn't.

100% this. The men on this site are for the most part sad women-hating trolls looking to get a rise. I wish there was a way of packing them off back under their bridges because they're both depressing and tediously predictable.

I work with someone whose DWs best mate does something similar, not full on nakedness but outfits and hes gone round showing every tom dick and harry in/outside of work and laughing about it with them

Would you want to be married to that?

It's not much better than repeatedly going on his sister in law's site for stimulation.

It's just immoral in a different way.

He's ridiculing his "mate"'s wife.... In this case he would be ridiculing his partner's sister, which is family and even worse.

I doubt that's why he was on there though.

Oh please.... 🙄 we all have to do our marriages your way or the highway? Get over yourself

It's not my way ... The vast majority of posters on this thread think it is unethical & inappropriate in the extreme to peruse your partner's siblings sex work site repeatedly.

And I'd put serious money on the vast majority of the population being of a similar mindset.

So you're in an extreme minority with your views.
Sorry that triggers you.

Look let’s not make things up and keep it factual:

1. IF he’s telling the truth and hasn’t subscribed like he’s saying, then he hasn’t seen OP’s sister nude or any sexual content as that is kept strictly behind a paywall so there’s no content in that section for him to “wank over” like some of you are saying
2. Even behind the paywall, Patreon does not allow photos or videos of people having sex (PIV or oral) so no, OP’s husband HAS NOT seen her sister having sex as some of you are saying

I’m not condoning his behaviour or excusing it but let’s not make shit up.

You're comparing her husband having a wank over her sister to him buying a cake??? It's not quite the same.
Some things are just a no go area, knocking one out over your wife's sister is one of them.

Would it be OK if it was ops mum? Her best friend? It's disgusting and odd...there's enough porn on the net, I'm sure he could have went for something else

Personally I’m on this site because it has some really good discussions going on and I’m interested in women’s perspectives.

i am interested in women’s views and experiences on sex and relationships and i think it improves me as a person and as a husband and dad

i think it’s helpful for me to hear women’s perspectives that are challenging to my own

i have always had women amongst my best and closest friends

i held a job in a traditionally female profession and worked with overwhelmingly women

i find men’s sites are often filled with unpleasant and misogynistic men who i don’t want to be around and are often overly hostile to different opinions

Who cares what he saw or didn't, he shouldn't have gone on there. It's purpose is sexual titillation.

And I'd wonder why he's gone on repeatedly if he's seeing nothing of interest to him (??!!)

(Also you have no idea what the non payable images etc on her site are like .... She's trying to get custom, right ...she's trying to entice people to pay to view more ... In a saturated market . . I doubt she's dressed in a three piece suit, giving a pleasant, businesslike smile 🙄. They will be sexy images, regardless of whether there is full nudity. Not what he should be repeatedly looking up of his partner's sister).

Agreed. I've never understood why men post on here, my dh thinks it's really weird too.

Why would any woman post a problem on a site called Mumsnet because they wanted to hear a male perspective ffs!

It is yet another safe space for women that we are forced to share.

That's fine, and it's good to have a male perspective. It's just there are an awful lot of misogynistic trolls. Like on this thread, the idea that 'all men' would wank over their SIL's porn. Grim, and not true. It's just a shame there's not a way of weeding out the incels.

Personally the only time I find a man's perspective is worth airing on here is on the few occasions when they tell a poster that the wouldn't do what her shitty partner has done, they don't agree it's ok, and they don't know many men who act like that.

Because then at least the op can't think "but these are all women and maybe they're a bit militant, and this isn't representative and maybe all men are like my partner". They know not all men are, from the horse's mouth.

Apparently there is also a very helpful man on the DIY forum so he's allowed lol

Well personally I think it says a lot about your husband if he's happy for you to watch his brother in porn 🤷🏻‍♀️ and a lot about you too.

Unless he hasn't got a brother so it's not as easy to give a genuine response?

Personally I've got more self respect.

So, if you're staying at your sister in law's house, are most men 'naturally curious' to watch her naked in the shower, or having sex with her partner? It's the same thing. And if that really is 'most men', then 'most men' are pigs.

I’m not sure what the point of your post is as I don’t disagree with you. I also clearly said I’m not condoning or excusing his behaviour.

Maybe you should go read my post again as it was purely about people MAKING THINGS UP and clarifying what is or isn’t allowed in each section.

I also only said there was no nudity or sexual content before the paywall, I DIDN’T say there were no suggestive pictures etc. OP’s sister is obviously making money from adult content so I assumed the type of pictures on there went without saying and didn’t need to be spelled out as it’s basic common sense.

I think if my partners brother was doing porn I couldn't help but look sometimes out of curiosity- I wouldn't throw away an otherwise happy marriage for this if perhaps you could explore in counselling first, and I usually saw ltb

Sorry, could you do me a favour and spell it out for me?

1. What does it say about my husband?
2. What does it say about me?

He's got 2 brothers

So sorry to hear about this.I wonder what more he has in store if he already did this.Does your sister have any other sites or physical places that people visit?

Have you had a chance to think this through?
He has indeed betrayed you and hurt you.

Chat with him and see if he is sorry and remorsful about it.Have a chat with your sister too to know whether she recognised it was him and was she going to let you know?

Divorce is a last resort but if it looks grim , he is not sorry and has done similar infidel stuff before, the question is how many times are you going to tolerate it and keep forgiving him?

It’s really strange to read some of these replies and I guess we’re all different.
But if I found out my husband’s brother was making pornographic content, I definitely wouldn’t want to look at it. I can say with 100% certainty that I would not be curious 🤮
Perhaps it’s because I’ve known him since I was 15 and he was around 13, but just the idea of seeing his bits makes me feel queasy. My husband also has a sister and just nope. There isn’t a bit of me that would be curious about that.
If my husband was looking that way at a member of my family, I’d be devastated and disgusted in equal measure.

Chat with him and see if he is sorry and remorsful about it.Have a chat with your sister too to know whether she recognised it was him and was she going to let you know?

Someone being - apparently - sorry and remorseful - doesn't mean the other person has any obligation to forgive them. That's a separate issue, that's about their own feelings and boundaries.

How would the op's sister "recognise" him if he didn't subscribe to the site??

(Even if he had, he'd be unlikely to use his name/photo, would he not?)

Oh, fucking yikes 😂

it's nothing like the same thing because creepily spying on someone in their own home is nothing like looking at pictures or videos they've uploaded publicly online with the sole purpose of them being for people to watch.

Don't be disengenuous.

You apparently consider yourself intelligent; so I'm sure you can figure it out without that poster spelling it out for you.

I'm one of the, I don't think there's anything wrong with it types.

The only thing I'd question is has he really thought it through because it would be weird and awkward at family gatherings to see her in person.

with the sole purpose of them being for people to watch

I doubt the people she expected to watch them included her sisters partner; who she has to sit round the table with, perhaps be a bridesmaid for at some point, spend Christmas with etc.

She only put some stuff up to try to get people (men) to subscribe to her site and then buy material to make money. Not for her (essentially) brother in law to peruse.

It's inappropriate towards her, it's even more inappropriate towards her sister.

And it's not like the internet hasn't got a billion images and videos for him to look at.