Husband looking at my sisters "naughty website"

[Mumoftwo95]

I made a thread yesterday with screen shots of his notifications from what looked like a saucy hook up site, I had it out with him and he said they must be spam notifications from live streaming the boxing illegally. I looked it up and it said he could have accidentally clicked "allow pop ups" on his browser so I tried to find the settings for him and stumbled apon his search history which had shown he had been accessing has been accessing my sisters "naughty website" multiple times over the last few months. He said he hasn't subscribed as if that makes it any better. I feel so sick, betrayed and just completely ruined.

How would you go about moving out? I have bugger all in savings and have a 2 + 3 year old to look after, my whole life has fallen to pieces in the matter of minutes.

You may not like it but men think differently and men and women are not the same. Its the same every time a post on porn or strip clubs cones up. A lot of frothing at the mouth moralising based on female brains

100% every man alive would check out his SILs page. Subscribing to it would probably be a bridge too far as would actually shagging her but he's not doing that

Honestly just fuck right off with your ‘female brain’ shite and 100% of men bollocks. You probably don’t know any decent men because birds of a feather flock together.

You sound like every single boring, sex obsessed piece of shit guy who makes excuses for toxic behaviour because ‘thats the way guys are’ and blaming women for not understanding because ‘wimminz brains’.

It would be a complete turn off for me, I wouldn’t be able to look at my dh in the same way

What I masturbate over is my private business

What people masturbate over, if they keep such fantasies entirely in their heads, is one thing .. ... Accessing materials to indulge such fantasies is a different kettle of fish.

In this case, the material isn't illegal but it is, to some extent, unethical.

That is, unethical on a personal basis - rather than the wider, legal etc basis.

At best, it is extremely inappropriate.

When you do personally unethical and extremely inappropriate things in a relationship.... You can expect consequences.

The op is not unreasonable to want to deliver those consequences. It has hurt and disgusted her deeply and broken her trust. She is not unreasonable in the slightest.

And the men (and a few women) who think it's ok are either empathy-less (I'd like to see them if it was their sibling) or have "interesting" lifestyles.

I am sure they wouldn’t be quite so accepting if their wives/partners were getting their rocks off while viewing their male siblings ‘naughty’ website.

Could he be visiting the site to show his mates? I work with someone whose DWs best mate does something similar, not full on nakedness but outfits and hes gone round showing every tom dick and harry in/outside of work and laughing about it with them so in reality, its been a lot of visits to the site. Laughing as prior to this new career move for her, she held a very important upstanding position in society so its quite unbelievable shes done this, but whatever 🤷🏻‍♀️

No!! His phone is his private business too!

He didn't have sex with the sister, he just wanked to her.

The house comes with OP's DH's job. She can’t ask him to leave!

Checking once if someone tells you, maybe fair enough. Not repeatedly.

Exactly.

Still no answer from the male poster re. how many times his wife would need to view nude images etc of his brother to establish if she got the best & sexiest sibling, and to satisfy her curiosity.

But of course, he'd also 100% blame his "exhibitionist" brother for having the site up in the first place. His brother would clearly be an attention seeking degenerate and his poor wife (who didn't need to go on there & has an internet full of alternative images to look at) the victim of his brother.

Uumhmm. 🙄

I don't think all men are that disgusting actually.

If you were a single parent, your income would be topped up by universal credit . You’d also qualify for childcare reimbursement and housing benefit. It would give you the time and space you need to become financially independent

before anyone comes at me for suggesting benefits - I had to do this when I split from ex and a year later I was working as a lecturer . I still receive a small amount of UC, but it allowed me to get out of an abusive relationship and no longer be financially dependent on a man.

it was hard in the beginning, but worth it for everyone involved. I wish I had done it sooner .

He can't leave. His employers wouldn't let her stay there without him sadly

Oh. Well that's all right then.

Amen. I totally get why posters are saying they're sick of men posting on here. I'm surrounded by men in RL. Brothers, sons, nephews, friends and I work in a male dominated industry. The opinions from men spouted on here are completely unrepresentative of the majority of men thank god. Mainly gaslighting, toxic shite just designed to wind up as many women as they can because they hate them. It's annoying to read on here, not because the posts are from men but because of the type of men they are, just pathetic, sad sac excuses of men that probably never get a chance to spout their shite in real life because they'd be laughed at and shot down by anyone they came in contact with.

I can’t believe how many people would be OK with their partner looking at their close relatives for sexual gratification.

WTAF.

I could never get past this and wouldn’t want to. I’d be repulsed every time I looked at them.

OP make a single claim for universal credit. What’s the housing like where you are? It may be worth signing up to your local affordable housing system. Usually found through your council.

If you'd behave like that you're vile.

Thank you for your input

That's fine if you're ok with porn (though not fine for all the victims of porn you're helping to harm). No one I know (male or female) and have discussed this with would ever enter a relationship with a man who used porn unless it was a mutual decision and feminist porn with ethical credentials, which is rare. It would be against our ethics.

It's being the OP's sister obviously adds a different dimension on top of basic ethics.

No-one,s search history is their private business if it's unethical.

He can privately (in his head) wank to his sister in law if he wants. His partner wouldn't know and doesn't have to deal with the betrayal and extreme ick.

If he goes on sites to browse pictures of her to wank to .....and his partner becomes aware of it; his partner does have to deal with the betrayal and extreme ick . .. and he can expect to be dumped.

Just like she'd probably be dumped if she searched out pics of his brother - repeatedly - to wank to, and he found out.

@Nanny0gg

Don't pay him any attention. These men jump on the porn threads to rile women up

I've seen that you're looking into moving out, and making arrangements OP. Well done, you're doing the right thing.

He didn't have sex with the sister, he just wanked to her.

Not fucking your sister or brother in law is a fairly basic bar in life.

It's not a credit.

Are you Ryan Giggs?

This.

And none of the men I know would EVER be posting on a site like Mumsnet.
It wouldn't interest them in the slightest.

The ones who do have an agenda and are triggered or trying to trigger.

(Then there's the sleazes all over the sex forum, the only place there's ever more a couple of men).

Not fucking your sister or brother in law is a fairly basic bar in life.

Yes - wanking to them isn't.

Which part of "we have different opinions" are you ignoring.

I am very surprised by this.

My understanding of Patreon (different from Onlyfans etc) is that they allow erotic writing but not visual porn.

My understanding is also that you cannot, generally, access content unless you are a subscriber, even at the $1 a month level or whatever.

*Not fucking your sister or brother in law is a fairly basic bar in life.

Yes*

So why refer to it?
Why mention it at all?

You used it as a benchmark.

But it's not a bench mark for anyone sane.