How to politely say no to sex with girlfriend

[nameForThis99]

So I’m sure I’m going to get flamed for this but here goes- I really need a female perspective on this .
Im a 55 year old man and a dating a 52 year old woman - who has come out of a long and mostly sexless marriage , slightly long distance, so we probably see each other every other week and maybe once during the week,
my partner would like sex every time we meet ( I know most men would jump at this ), but sometimes I’m tired or stressed or not really in the mood ( plus I’m older , so sometimes things don’t work how they used to )

if I mention this my partner she can say things like I don’t love her or I don’t fancy her anymore ( neither of which are true) , she almost uses us having sex as a measure of how strong the relationship is.

im not really sure what I’m asking for, maybe some advice on how to say “thanks but no thanks “.

45 mins long distance? Oh come on OP You arent that into her are you?!

She can still make different choices now.

That is a bit of moot point really, as she is away with her kids this week and I’ve had the “let’s just be friends “ message today

For the best IMO

Are you able to be intimate in other ways?

If it were a woman writing this the guy would be described as a " sex pest"

@Eatouttohelpout

Firstly, the term girlfriend in your 50s sounds a bit crass. Wouldnt partner be better? Secondly as you rightly say most men would be like a dog with two dicks being offered this chance so unless you get your plumbing sorted and start giving her what she wants she will have no trouble at all finding a man who is only too happy to oblige.

Mate, do you not think saying the phrase "like a dog with two dicks" is a bit more crass than the word "girlfriend" 😬

See also "get your plumbing sorted".

I challenge you to find the thread featuring the man who is "pestering" for sex once a fortnight

There has been loads of posts or comments on here over the years from women who can only muster up the energy once a month or fortnight normally when they have babies or small kids and their partners pester them for more.

EXACTLY Men dont ask or pester for sex just once a fortnight. They ask for it a fucking sight more than that. That is why i asked that poster to find me the thread where a man asked for sex ONLY once a fortnight. (i say asked because once a fortnight isnt pestering) Because you cannot compare the OPs now ex who he only saw about once a fortnight (and they didnt have sex every time) to a bloke pestering his partner for sex every couple of days when shes possibly suffering from birth injuries. That is supremely selfish and nothing like the same no matter how many posters here would like it to be. To treat OPs ex as if shes a sex addict and try and say these two things are the same is from deeply internalised misogyny that comes from the belief that women shouldnt like sex anyway.

Oh and men do ask for sex when women are still recovering from birth. Havent seen any threads from women demanding sex from a man with a damaged or ripped foreskin.

What difference does it make if they pester for it once per fortnight or once every few days though? Pestering is still pestering. Emotional manipulation is still emotional manipulation. Coercion is still coercion.

If someone says they're tired or stressed or not in the mood and you then follow up saying that you don't feel loved or that they don't fancy you then that's not 'asking'.

No this is not internalized misogyny, you just have that in your head (I've seen you say that on other threads too).

I love sex myself so I certainly don't believe that women shouldn't like sex. I just don't think that anyone (male or female) should ever try to get a reluctant partner to have sex with them and it boggles my mind that people try to do that. If my partner said he was too tired or stressed or not in the mood I would never ever in a million years want him to go through with sex he didn't want to have. Ever. The idea is gross to me.

Oh but "they want them to want to have sex with them" is the answer that people come out with. Yeah but they don't want to . That's the whole point! Now what? Is badgering them about it going to make them magic up a sex drive? Is telling them about shit it makes you feel going to make them horny? No

@kkloo Yes i agree. I would not want sex with someone who didnt want it with me. And i cant understand people (and its mostly men) who do. Because its the male sex who are the main users of sex workers. I really dont get it at all. Why would you want it with someone who is not into it........or into you
OPs ex has done the right thing by ending it.

If you ever read on that Ukpunting site you'd get a glimpse into the minds of those men who use sex workers, they are completely delusional.

If she shows no (fake) enthusiasm then they're fuming they didn't get what they paid for and if not then they convince themselves that the sex worker was having the time of her life and loving it and that they made her orgasm 😷

Yep There have been threads about UK Punting on here and the Feminism board in the past. Fucking eye opening.