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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend didn't come A&E with me

113 replies

ByGreenPanda · 11/08/2024 00:34

What's your opinion on this?

My boyfriend and I live together and the other night I started experiencing chest pains. Decided to ring 111 for some assistance.

Because of the symptoms they originally arranged an ambulance but then said it would be quicker if they send me a paid for taxi instead.

So taxi arrives and I assumed he would be coming with me. But instead he walks me to the taxi , says he loves me and to call him once I'm done..

His reasoning was because they pay for a taxi there but we would have to pay for one back... The fayre would be about £20-25 so I was shocked that he would rather me go on my own than the possibility of paying out. He had been paid that day as well but I would have paid for it myself anyway.. I was just focusing on getting to the hospital at that point!

He had a drink that night so said he'd pick me up later once he sobers up instead.

I don't think it helped that I seemed to be around couples in there which just highlighted to me where is my "partner" when I needed him. Well not need but the moral support would have been nice..

But then also looking at it that you spend hours in a&e so perhaps it wasn't necessary for him to sit there the whole time.. am I just being overly sensitive or would you be mad at this?

OP posts:
Pantaloons99 · 11/08/2024 00:37

Yeah I think this is pretty crap on his part. I'm guessing you aren't in and out all time with this.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/08/2024 00:38

Don't have kids with him, whatever you do. He's rather shit, isn't he?

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/08/2024 00:39

If he can drink, he can afford 20 quid for a taxi. What a wanker.

PerfectTravelTote · 11/08/2024 00:40

Definitely don't have kids with him. You'd be on your own.

Original poster
ByGreenPanda · 11/08/2024 00:45

Pantaloons99 · 11/08/2024 00:37

Yeah I think this is pretty crap on his part. I'm guessing you aren't in and out all time with this.

Nope it was my first experience of it. First time visiting a&e since I've been with him actually and this was how he acted.

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 11/08/2024 00:45

I went to A&E recently after being referred during a GP appointment. Didn’t even occur to me to ask my DH to meet me there for moral support. There’s no point both of us sitting around bored for potentially hours on end. I just sent him a text to let him know I’d gone to hospital and would be home late 😂

Redglitter · 11/08/2024 00:45

Be grateful he's shown you his true colours now while you can walk away with no ties

Blackthorne · 11/08/2024 00:45

How long have you been with him.

he sounds a bit shit

crumblingschools · 11/08/2024 00:47

Can’t imagine sitting at home if DH was in A&E unless I had to be at home for childcare etc

mytuppennyworth · 11/08/2024 00:49

Can't imagine taking anyone with me to AandE for "moral support". In fact in is intensely irritating for everyone when space is taken up by huge numbers of people who do not need to be there.

Original poster
ByGreenPanda · 11/08/2024 00:51

StormingNorman · 11/08/2024 00:45

I went to A&E recently after being referred during a GP appointment. Didn’t even occur to me to ask my DH to meet me there for moral support. There’s no point both of us sitting around bored for potentially hours on end. I just sent him a text to let him know I’d gone to hospital and would be home late 😂

Yeah this is why I wrote the post cos I do understand you can be sat around for a while.
But in this case I knew I would have jumped in the cab with him if it was the other way round tho.

OP posts:
BeckiWithAnI · 11/08/2024 00:55

Okay, see ya, EX boyfriend….

Chest pains 111 wanted to send an ambulance for.

There are two good things about this story. 1) You’re okay 2) You’ve had a clear insight into how he is likely to behave “in sickness and in health”.

As others said, DO NOT have kids with him. Get out now. You’ll never trust him to care for and put your well-being first. No doubt he’d chuck you in the scuzziest care home if you got old with him to save on costs.

I’ve got the ick for you.

mytuppennyworth · 11/08/2024 00:58

ByGreenPanda · 11/08/2024 00:51

Yeah this is why I wrote the post cos I do understand you can be sat around for a while.
But in this case I knew I would have jumped in the cab with him if it was the other way round tho.

Show quote history

But what if he didn't want you to? That would be the last thing I wanted.

StormingNorman · 11/08/2024 01:02

ByGreenPanda · 11/08/2024 00:51

Yeah this is why I wrote the post cos I do understand you can be sat around for a while.
But in this case I knew I would have jumped in the cab with him if it was the other way round tho.

Show quote history

But he’s not you. What you need to ask to gauge whether he cares about you (which is what this question boils down to) is whether he would expect moral support or if he’d be happy to go alone.

If he’s treating you with less care than he would expect, then sack him off because he doesn’t care about you enough to build a life together.

coxesorangepippin · 11/08/2024 01:03

Er, yes that's shit

He's shown you his hand

crumblingschools · 11/08/2024 01:05

I bet most hospitals expect someone else to be with someone in A&E. Yes they don’t want the whole family to turn up, but another adult can be useful and will be required to take someone home if they are not going to be admitted

Searchingforthelight · 11/08/2024 01:06

Get him in the bin
Because he’s rubbish

ExpectantEs · 11/08/2024 01:08

I would go to A&E with friends and family in a heartbeat, let alone my partner. It also feels like he's minimising the severity of the situation for some reason.. doesn't he care? I hope you're feeling better x

Original poster
ByGreenPanda · 11/08/2024 01:09

mytuppennyworth · 11/08/2024 00:58

But what if he didn't want you to? That would be the last thing I wanted.

Show quote history

Oh if he didn't want me to that would be a different story. I'm generally quite independent so I get it. This occasion it seemed serious and I was anxious about what was going on so would have appreciated it.. or even just the offer "do you want me to come" would have made the difference.

OP posts:
Biggaybear · 11/08/2024 01:11

Is he off on holiday in a weeks time & doesn't want to pick up an infection before he goes, thus ruining his holiday 😀

MustBeGinOclock · 11/08/2024 01:15

People love to overreact here going by some of the comments. Why should you both wait for hours there when space is limited, it's fine that he stayed home to me.

Original poster
ByGreenPanda · 11/08/2024 01:16

Biggaybear · 11/08/2024 01:11

Is he off on holiday in a weeks time & doesn't want to pick up an infection before he goes, thus ruining his holiday 😀

At least it would be a reason 🤣

OP posts:
Tangled123 · 11/08/2024 01:31

@mytuppennyworth There is nothing wrong with OP staying home if bf wants her to. The difference is that she would have taken his wants into account. He hasn’t done the same for her.

RawBloomers · 11/08/2024 01:47

Agree with Tangled. Plenty of people might prefer to be at A&E on their own. I generally would if I felt I could advocate for myself. But plenty of people won't prefer that. And a decent partner will be looking to meet your preference in that situation, not their own.

Sweetteaplease · 11/08/2024 01:50

Wow please dump him, if this is how he treats you as his girlfriend the future isn't looking very hopeful