Boyfriend didn't come A&E with me

[ByGreenPanda]

What's your opinion on this?

My boyfriend and I live together and the other night I started experiencing chest pains. Decided to ring 111 for some assistance.

Because of the symptoms they originally arranged an ambulance but then said it would be quicker if they send me a paid for taxi instead.

So taxi arrives and I assumed he would be coming with me. But instead he walks me to the taxi , says he loves me and to call him once I'm done..

His reasoning was because they pay for a taxi there but we would have to pay for one back... The fayre would be about £20-25 so I was shocked that he would rather me go on my own than the possibility of paying out. He had been paid that day as well but I would have paid for it myself anyway.. I was just focusing on getting to the hospital at that point!

He had a drink that night so said he'd pick me up later once he sobers up instead.

I don't think it helped that I seemed to be around couples in there which just highlighted to me where is my "partner" when I needed him. Well not need but the moral support would have been nice..

But then also looking at it that you spend hours in a&e so perhaps it wasn't necessary for him to sit there the whole time.. am I just being overly sensitive or would you be mad at this?

I think you've just had a snapshot of what he's going to be like when you're older.

It's going to be one of these, or both -

• Despite how nice he might be to you in other ways, he's selfish and stingy with his time. He wasn't even willing to come with you to A&E or pay for the taxi back.

• He deemed the situation not serious enough to come with you, despite the fact it warranted a trip to hospital. He had blinkers on - he just saw his own thoughts, his own feelings on the matter, and your feelings weren't factored in at all into his decision making. In the same way as he wouldn't consult a washing machine if it minded someone coming round to fix it, he didn't think of asking you or considering your feelings if you'd like him there.

Need to know the context here. Are you someone who is a bit of a hypochondriac or needy when it comes to health? Have you got form in ringing 111?

Personally, I would prefer to go to A&E on my own - as hospitals don't take to family members tagging along.

But you don’t know the situations of those ‘grown women’. There are any number of reasons why they might need support; mental health or learning difficulties, past trauma, fear of certain procedures etc. As for the midwife, they are also appointments to monitor the health of the baby, the partner’s child! Nothing wrong with a partner being there if the woman wants that. Plus, pregnancy is a vulnerable time for a lot of women and it can be an important part of her care to have the partner involved and to help advocate for her needs.

I had a similar experience with my dh and he improved once he realised that he'd get the same treatment back. He left me very ill in hospital once to play badminton with friends.

Not long after, he had to have emergency surgery and he was ahocked I did the same thing. When I questioned him about it, he didn't have an answer for why it was OK for him to do it. Couldn't explain why it wasn't ok for me to abandon him when sick, he never did it again.

It's difficult to answer. His reasoning does sound sensible to me but would he have gone with you if you'd made it absolutely clear that's what you wanted? Did you say "will you come with me please" or did you just hope he'd offer? I feel he was thinking in practical terms whereas you were understandably more emotional, but you should have stated specifically that you wanted him with you.

I would have thought a taxi would be cheaper than an ambulance and a team of paramedics.

I have to say any of the times I have been to A&E as an adult for issues relating to myself I've never taken nor wanted my partner to be there, as someone has rightly said it just means there's 2 of you sitting around for hours. He could have always come later if it was found there was anything serious going on. When my DC were very small, as in babies and toddlers, i used to like someone with me in A&E when I've had to take them as it shares the burden of entertaining/caring for a poorly baby for hours on end. I think you're being a bit touchy tbh.

Unless you were blue-lighted there, I can’t see why you’d need him there. You could have phoned him if there was actually a problem.

Hospitals are trying to discourage relatives going anyway.🤷‍♀️

DH asked a cardiac physio, if they saw any difference between patients coming through before and after Covid. The physio said, there are less patients (probably due to long waiting lists); but what they are seeing is patients in their 20s with no family history or previous cardiac symptoms - they’ve had a heart attack purely due to stress!

they’ve had a heart attack purely due to stress!

They actually have no idea of stress was the ‘cause’ of the heart attack.
It’s the sort of answer, like anxiety, given by medics when they don’t have a clue. It gets them off the hook.

Having said that, yes the number if young people having heart attacks hs increased since covid. Maybe not surprisingly as covid damages blood vessels…

It does depend on what was wrong with you. If your chest pains were life threatening they'd have sent an ambulance.
It's not great he didn't come with, but waiting there is horrendous, for 12 hours sometimes. I had such a phobia of waiting in there I lay on the floor with a broken hip and shoulder for 24 hours to avoid going to hospital!
He should apologise. I do think it's a bit meant he didn't come. Unless he had really bad anxiety.

I hope you're ok now?
I get costocondritis which feels like someone stabbing you when you breathe. If it was that then you don't need A&E.

Dump.

I'm nearly divorced. My husband wouldn't help me when I got ill. Honestly I think this is a red flag and that you should find someone who you know will always have your back.