Boyfriend didn't come A&E with me

[ByGreenPanda]

What's your opinion on this?

My boyfriend and I live together and the other night I started experiencing chest pains. Decided to ring 111 for some assistance.

Because of the symptoms they originally arranged an ambulance but then said it would be quicker if they send me a paid for taxi instead.

So taxi arrives and I assumed he would be coming with me. But instead he walks me to the taxi , says he loves me and to call him once I'm done..

His reasoning was because they pay for a taxi there but we would have to pay for one back... The fayre would be about £20-25 so I was shocked that he would rather me go on my own than the possibility of paying out. He had been paid that day as well but I would have paid for it myself anyway.. I was just focusing on getting to the hospital at that point!

He had a drink that night so said he'd pick me up later once he sobers up instead.

I don't think it helped that I seemed to be around couples in there which just highlighted to me where is my "partner" when I needed him. Well not need but the moral support would have been nice..

But then also looking at it that you spend hours in a&e so perhaps it wasn't necessary for him to sit there the whole time.. am I just being overly sensitive or would you be mad at this?

A bad cut that needs stitches or a fractured wrist then no I wouldn't expect someone to come to a&e with me.
Chest pains that require me to go straight in, then yes absolutely.
I'd be disappointed too OP.

You will get the usual suspects who gave birth to twins at home alone because their DH wanted to do his hobby (probably cycling but it's too outing to say)
They will try to make you feel too needy because you expected someone to be there.
Just know that lots of decent people out there would at least check and see if you wanted them to go with you. It's a pretty standard thing to do.

He had a drink that night so said he'd pick me up later once he sobers up instead

This seems sensible to be honest, he couldn't drive you as he'd been drinking, but if he's home he can drive you when you're finished/if you need anything once he's safe to drive. Men are often more practical and people in general reflect what they'd want into their decision making; did you say to him will you come with me? Hard to tell from this one event what he's like tbh, if it's a pattern of wider behaviour that makes you feel uncared for that's different to him not doing what you think he should if you didn't communicate this. Plenty of people would be fine or even prefer to go alone and have someone at home who can pick them up when ready, it's okay you're not and would have liked some support.

So what did A&E say? How long were you waiting to be seen?

What was the outcome? Did he collect you?

Some people on MN are so enviably blasé about having chest pains and insisting they wouldn’t want anyone else there with them in A&E.

I bet they wouldn’t even want a chair to sit in either, “no, I’ll stand, I’m fine.”

Doctor says it looks serious and they need urgent surgery…

“Anaesthetic? No need for that nonsense, just cut me open here, I don’t need an operating theatre.

“In fact, send me home and I’ll do the operation myself after I’ve cooked the tea.”

I think you should have asked him to come with you if that's what you wanted.

This would give me the ick and make me question how invested he was if he doesn’t even have the concern and decency to offer no way has my dh ever let me go alone on the few occasions he’s cancelled even important work meetings and trips away to be in hospital at my side and then later our dc sides literally dropped everything
so I can’t understand this
I think I’d question this relationship now as it seems he’s really not that bothered unless he has trauma or major fears regarding hospitals

lol 😂

This would give me the ick and make me question how invested he was if he doesn’t even have the concern and decency to offer no way has my dh ever let me go alone on the few occasions he’s cancelled even important work meetings and trips away to be in hospital at my side and then later our dc sides literally dropped everything
so I can’t understand this
I think I’d question this relationship now as it seems he’s really not that bothered unless he has trauma or major fears regarding hospitals

@CultOfRamen if you went into A&E with a suspected broken leg wouldn’t you need someone to help you get about eg push a wheelchair

very strange, why would the NHS pay £25 for a taxi? The taxi driver wouldn't be able to do much if the patient collapsed en route.

Did you think you were having a heart attack? You sound very casual about whatever you were there for.

Ooooh I missed the part that the taxi is paid for.
I've never heard of that before, maybe put taxis if people have mobility issues but not a taxi to a&e.

Exactly. And if it’s not serious enough for an ambulance and just a means of transport, shouldn’t the patient be paying it? OP just told us her boyfriend had been paid that day. Was he too mean to pay for the taxi?

This

I’m guessing the wait time for an ambulance was so long that getting a taxi was better than leaving someone at home for too long with chest pains.

To be completely honest I feel a bit annoyed when there are no chairs available and sick people have to sit on the floor because so many people treat A&E like a day out with partners and children taking up so much space. I understand a parent there with a child (as I have previously) but the time I went alone for a broken bone and I have to sit on the floor for 4 hours while a couple sit there together on chairs stuffing McD’s and having a picnic? A bit of a piss take.

I think if it was really important to you that he come you should have said. Not go ‘alright see you later’ and then stew on it for hours.

Wouldn’t 111 then say “get a taxi”, and let OP make the arrangements (as it’s time and £ wasting), and organise and pay for taxi for the frail or confused or those who couldn’t afford it? Sounds like OP wasn’t like that.

No. I thought I had a fracture in my neck. So did my GP.

To me the take away isn’t that he did t come with you but that he made a decision about it without asking you. Now I have a child the times I have been to A&e for me (not often) I wouldn’t dream of my hubby or child sitting with me. I take a bag of stuff and bits to do or read. I don’t want them coming and sitting in a room full of sick people.

i think the cost of a taxi is a red herring and you would be expected to make your own arrangements to get home (why would he have to pay for a taxi back?).

the critical thing here is your health and hopefully you have been seen and checked. If he doesn’t come pick you up then that tells you all you need to know.

I've had heart palpitations and they are terrifying. My Dh took me to A&E but didn't stay because we have children that needed caring for . Otherwise yes I would have wanted and expected him to stay with me . When I was admitted he visited daily after work . This is the sickness and in health part of our marriage vows . We've been together 25 years married 5 years .

My husband would come with me because when you're unwell enough to seek emergency help at a hospital you can feel stressed and anxious whilst waiting which may make it harder to retain information given to you when spoken to by doctors and nurses. He would be my ears and voice if any decisions needed to be made.

That's my experience, anyway.

You see I’d react like this too.

But that’s because dh has shown me again and again that he is absolutely useless agd would be an hindrance rather than a help - think being grumpy and pulling faces at being there.
Thats the same guy that told me that being there at the birth of his dcs was boring.

@ByGreenPanda that’s a huge red flag 🚩🚩🚩
Seriously, from experience, don’t bother.

This is how I'd feel.