Boyfriend didn't come A&E with me

[ByGreenPanda]

What's your opinion on this?

My boyfriend and I live together and the other night I started experiencing chest pains. Decided to ring 111 for some assistance.

Because of the symptoms they originally arranged an ambulance but then said it would be quicker if they send me a paid for taxi instead.

So taxi arrives and I assumed he would be coming with me. But instead he walks me to the taxi , says he loves me and to call him once I'm done..

His reasoning was because they pay for a taxi there but we would have to pay for one back... The fayre would be about £20-25 so I was shocked that he would rather me go on my own than the possibility of paying out. He had been paid that day as well but I would have paid for it myself anyway.. I was just focusing on getting to the hospital at that point!

He had a drink that night so said he'd pick me up later once he sobers up instead.

I don't think it helped that I seemed to be around couples in there which just highlighted to me where is my "partner" when I needed him. Well not need but the moral support would have been nice..

But then also looking at it that you spend hours in a&e so perhaps it wasn't necessary for him to sit there the whole time.. am I just being overly sensitive or would you be mad at this?

Hope you're feeling better, OP. My partner and I have both been in ambulances to A&E with chest pains. He was having a heart attack, I wasn't. We're both well now.

We went with each other, no question.

And the poor taxi driver. Imagine if you'd suddenly gone downhill in their taxi, they'd have been left alone trying to help you.

Please don't have children with him. You've been given a preview of how he will behave through pregnancy, labour, post partum, the early days ...

OP had chest pains and was told to go to A&E. Her symptoms might well have worsened while she was waiting to be seen.

lt’s always useful to have someone with you, especially with an unknown condition. Strangers would not necessarily notice if you started feeling worse. Also, he could have brought her a drink of water, helped her get comfortable, found out information etc.

He sounds selfish. I wouldn’t want to live with someone like that.

Wanting your partner there to support you when you are anxious about a sudden health issue is not over reacting @MustBeGinOclock
Its just wanting support at a time when things are hard.

If you feel you don’t need support, good for you.
But there is no reason why that should allow you to judge people who do. Needing or wanting support is not a sign of weakness.

Last time I went to a and e with my partner I left him after 4 hours (he had been triaged and we knew that whatever was wrong with him wasn't considered life threatening). I went back 10 hours later as he was still there waiting to be admitted to a ward.

I can't imagine not going to a and e with someone having chest pains.

You're an adult arnt you?
I have a heart condition and I as under investigation for 8 years before they got to the bottom of it, and not once did my husband come with me either. But I wouldn't expect him too....there is nothing more annoying that waiting rooms over crowded by people who dont need to be there. They are just taking up space. I absolutely loved going to the hospital during the pandemic when noone was allowed to come with you ....ohhh those waiting rooms were lovely.

Sorry but I would not have expected him to go with me, far too many people milling around A and E waiting rooms as it is. Same with GP appointments, some grown women seem incapable of visiting a GP, or indeed a midwife, by themselves.

Speak to him about it and explain how it made you feel.

If he makes an effort to understand, and agrees to act differently in future, then I think that's ok - you can forgive and move on. Because it's true that everyone feels differently in these situations - I ask my partner to come with me to most hospital appointments, whereas he always prefers to go to things like that on his own. Maybe your fella genuinely didn't think you needed him there.

If you explain and he is still shitty about itx and tries to invalidate your feelings - that is the time to think about dumping him.....

It's a personal decision, if you are concerned and need support then I don't think it's unreasonable to expect it from your partner

How does that work, 111 paying for a taxi? I’m stuck on that part!

Re A and E, my DH had to go a few months back and I didn’t go with him. Just as well, there were no chairs available or space for that matter - he was put on a trolley in a corridor. I think it’s sensible these days, unless the patient is very vulnerable.

I think the hospital told her to make her own way there. Probably the wait for an ambulance was too long.

You know this is completely unacceptable behavior.

What was the reason for the chest pains in the end?

I think unless there's a back story and you have a history of health anxiety, unnecessary hospital visits or are generally overly dramatic then he's a dick.

Some people's partners want to be there. I think it's lovely that partner wants to come to my midwife appointments, because guess what, it's his baby too.

OP states “they” ie 111 paid for the taxi to A&E but wouldn’t pay for one back. That’s what I don’t understand either. Wouldn’t 111 say make your way there. And OP plus/minus boyfriend could have organised that. She wasn’t vulnerable, not being able to phone, not able to pay.

I have definitely heard people say 111 have sent taxi. I was in a and e a few months ago and overheard a couple being called by 111 as the taxi was at the house and they weren't there, and they'd given up waiting for the 111 taxi and arranged their own. I also saw a woman trying to get people to give her a lift home after being seen as she'd had a taxi in from 111.
I think your partner should have cone with you also. My husband came with me and looked after me while I was in pain.

The OP said that they sent a paid taxi. I have never heard of that happening, ever. When did the NHS start doing that?

A&es are jammed packed extra visitors don’t need to be there. If you had chest pain no doubt you would of been triaged straight away and put on a bed to be monitored he wouldn’t of been allowed in with you (at my local hospital you aren’t) if you were in the waiting room they mustn’t of thought it was anything serious

Ok I have just seen that this can happen, and 111 can send a paid taxi😲

It’s been happening for a while, I just thought the threshold would be higher IYSWIM.

Exactly this.

I took my partner to A&E a couple of weeks ago. I was refused entry at the door and told only patients were allowed in to the waiting area.

Between April 2021 and January 2022, over 24,000 taxi journeys were made in these circumstances in England. Services in Scotland and Wales posted similar figures.

Quick Google showed this 24,000 taxi journeys in England following 999 or 111 calls

This is a significant expense for Ambulance NHS Trusts, with £92m spent on private ambulances and taxis in 2018/19.

ITA with a pp, that DH and I go to A & E together, as part of sickness and health. In the case of something potentially serious, you can look after the other one and if necessary get help for them - say they become incapacitated with the chest pains.

If it was a broken finger it would be fine to send you on your own, but chest pains? I assume you were frightened so that is pretty horrible and selfish behaviour IMO. Yes, he is not a doctor, but he could provide moral support.

If they beleive you need to go to A&E but not acutely with paramedics, but you fall within the attend A&E algorithm, you es, they use taxis, and pay for them as it's quicker. It's used for low risk symptoms that could be high risk- for example (and NOT saying OP) you've said you have chest pains, you're in your 20's and the pain is highly unlikely on assessment to be cardiac, but you could also be that 0.01% it actually is cardiac in a young person- not worth an ambulance if the service is dealing with multiple code 1's but does need to be ruled out in case there is something more than musculoskeletal chest pain going on.