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Original poster

Boyfriend didn't come A&E with me

113 replies

ByGreenPanda · 11/08/2024 00:34

What's your opinion on this?

My boyfriend and I live together and the other night I started experiencing chest pains. Decided to ring 111 for some assistance.

Because of the symptoms they originally arranged an ambulance but then said it would be quicker if they send me a paid for taxi instead.

So taxi arrives and I assumed he would be coming with me. But instead he walks me to the taxi , says he loves me and to call him once I'm done..

His reasoning was because they pay for a taxi there but we would have to pay for one back... The fayre would be about £20-25 so I was shocked that he would rather me go on my own than the possibility of paying out. He had been paid that day as well but I would have paid for it myself anyway.. I was just focusing on getting to the hospital at that point!

He had a drink that night so said he'd pick me up later once he sobers up instead.

I don't think it helped that I seemed to be around couples in there which just highlighted to me where is my "partner" when I needed him. Well not need but the moral support would have been nice..

But then also looking at it that you spend hours in a&e so perhaps it wasn't necessary for him to sit there the whole time.. am I just being overly sensitive or would you be mad at this?

OP posts:
Apileofballyhoo · 11/08/2024 01:55

Don't put yourself through a life of no support.

Edingril · 11/08/2024 02:04

mytuppennyworth · 11/08/2024 00:49

Can't imagine taking anyone with me to AandE for "moral support". In fact in is intensely irritating for everyone when space is taken up by huge numbers of people who do not need to be there.

Yes this, no extra people do not need to be there moral support for what?

Heretotalk1207538 · 11/08/2024 02:06

Bin him off hes not the one

2chocolateoranges · 11/08/2024 03:28

When people show you how shit they are then believe them. He’s a selfish man. His actions would have ended the relationship for me.

my dh would have been right by my side. My dh ended up in A&E last year and as soon as I got the message I left work to be with him.

SD1978 · 11/08/2024 03:33

A walk in chest pain, nope I really wouldn't expect someone to come with me. If I needed actual assistance I would. But if this is something that you felt you needed and he wasn't there for you- chances are he won't be in the future either

amyshep · 11/08/2024 04:50

111 always send you to A&E for chest pains
It's rarely anything serious
He should have asked if you wanted him to come really but he's not wrong for staying home.

NotWastingAnymoreTime · 11/08/2024 05:12

RawBloomers · 11/08/2024 01:47

Agree with Tangled. Plenty of people might prefer to be at A&E on their own. I generally would if I felt I could advocate for myself. But plenty of people won't prefer that. And a decent partner will be looking to meet your preference in that situation, not their own.

This with bells on!

anywhichone · 11/08/2024 05:34

He should have gone either you because a) it could have been something serious and b) you asked him too.

If he can't put your needs first in that type of situation this man does not have your back.

It doesn't matter the people saying they would be fine to go alone. That's great, but you wanted support and unless he had dependents or a health condition he did not have a good reason not to go.

OhNoNotThisOne · 11/08/2024 05:38

Ditch him while you still can, I married an uncaring individual.

Save yourself years of upset

simmertime · 11/08/2024 05:48

anywhichone · 11/08/2024 05:34

He should have gone either you because a) it could have been something serious and b) you asked him too.

If he can't put your needs first in that type of situation this man does not have your back.

It doesn't matter the people saying they would be fine to go alone. That's great, but you wanted support and unless he had dependents or a health condition he did not have a good reason not to go.

The OP doesn't say that she asked him to come, just that she assumed he would.

Darker · 11/08/2024 05:52

You say he’d had a drink… I wonder if he would have acted differently if he’d been able to drive you.

Did you get a taxi home or did he stop drinking and pick you up?

I agree he should have gone with whatever you needed at the time, but I wonder if his thinking was a bit muddled.

anywhichone · 11/08/2024 05:52

@simmertime

Well they had a conversation about his reasoning for not coming.? Surely that wouldn't have taken place unless she asked him to come.

And regardless in that sort of situation he should have done what she wanted.

Onlylonelyontheinside · 11/08/2024 05:53

Call your local circus and see if they’re looking for someone to fire from their cannon…. He should have been there..

CultOfRamen · 11/08/2024 05:56

mytuppennyworth · 11/08/2024 00:49

Can't imagine taking anyone with me to AandE for "moral support". In fact in is intensely irritating for everyone when space is taken up by huge numbers of people who do not need to be there.

Yeah but it’s the context isn’t it.
if you were going for a broken leg you wouldn’t expect anyone to come, but if it’s chest pains and you think you might die I’d hope my partner would switch the telly off and come to hold my hand

simmertime · 11/08/2024 06:13

anywhichone · 11/08/2024 05:52

@simmertime

Well they had a conversation about his reasoning for not coming.? Surely that wouldn't have taken place unless she asked him to come.

And regardless in that sort of situation he should have done what she wanted.

The conversation could have been:

Him - "love you, call me when you're done"
OP - "oh, you're staying here?"
Him - "yes, that way I can collect you in a few hours once I'm sober, saving us £25 on the taxi fare back"
OP - "good idea, thank you!"

Yes he should come if she asked him to, or expressed that it was important to her, but the OP didn't mention that.

jennywrites · 11/08/2024 06:13

Op, it's an eye opener isn't it. I've had a few boyfriends like that and suffice to say it didn't work out for me.

Some people might be fine with it, you're not though and so that's what counts.

If it's not an immediate deal breaker then it's worth explaining how you felt and what it meant to you/your boundaries and expectations in a relationship. See if he can get on board? If not... you know what to do

Soontobe60 · 11/08/2024 06:23

I’ve never heard of a taxi being sent to take someone with chest pains to hospital!

AGoingConcern · 11/08/2024 06:37

So then what happened? You said this was a while ago so I’m assuming it has all played out… did he show care in other ways? Did he keep checking in to make sure it wasn’t serious after all (the taxi likely made him think not)? Did you express a need for him to provide more support that he did or didn’t meet? If you had to stay at the hospital did he come there? Has he followed up on how you’re feeling since? Is this part of a pattern of him showing you less care than you show him?

C1N1C · 11/08/2024 06:42

Did I miss the bit where you asked him to come? I only read that you assumed he would.

If that's the case, he's not a mind reader. I would actually want to go if my partner was ill but I could aso be swayed not to given that waiting times are sometimes 5-6 hours (for what also could be heartburn or something simple!).

ouch321 · 11/08/2024 06:43

You say 'this occasion' so do you go there often?

CormorantStrikesBack · 11/08/2024 06:47

MustBeGinOclock · 11/08/2024 01:15

People love to overreact here going by some of the comments. Why should you both wait for hours there when space is limited, it's fine that he stayed home to me.

I agree with this. I never want dh with me as I just don’t see the point in both of us sat round for hours bored. Especially at night. Because i wouldn’t want dh there then the one time he went recently he went by himself and I went out for a bike ride! Doesn’t mean I don’t care.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 11/08/2024 06:57

mytuppennyworth · 11/08/2024 00:49

Can't imagine taking anyone with me to AandE for "moral support". In fact in is intensely irritating for everyone when space is taken up by huge numbers of people who do not need to be there.

Well aren't you a grand old martyr.

Chest pains and it's deemed ambulance worthy, but no, can't be scared enough to want someone with you.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 11/08/2024 06:59

Edingril · 11/08/2024 02:04

Yes this, no extra people do not need to be there moral support for what?

Show quote history

Chest pains that make you scared you might die??

rwalker · 11/08/2024 07:00

I think you’d have to be there to make a judgment call on this

soon as you say chest pain to 111 it’s automatic arse covering advice from 111 to go to a +e not particularly an indication of the severity of potential illness

personally I’d d go on my own you’ll be waiting for hours no point in both if u being sat there also our a+e very small one if you end up standing or sat on floor

Endoftheroad12345 · 11/08/2024 07:01

I was married to someone like this @ByGreenPanda

I went to every obstetrician appointment alone. I can’t remember a time that he ever offered to pick me up from work to save me a bus ride home or dropped me off somewhere to make my life easier. After we split he didn’t come to our daughter’s first day at school “what’s the point of both of us being there”.

I don’t know if your partner is as bad but IMO a man whose instinct isn’t to look after you is a walking red flag (and I am perfectly capable of looking after myself, and do). It’s an indication to someone who is utterly without kindness and is completely self centred.

My now DP is the opposite and would be utterly horrified if I assumed he wouldn’t come along in the circumstances you described. It’s the difference between someone being a gentleman and a selfish fuckwit, IMO