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Original poster

Ghosted by boyfriend of a year

118 replies

GladAmberEagle · 09/08/2024 07:42

Hi all, not really a point of this but just need to vent my feelings.

Met someone who I thought was an amazing guy a year ago, been together a year. We see each other once a week due to having children and text every day.

We spent the day together on Thursday, had a lovely time together. He dropped me off at my house and I asked him to give me a text. The previous week I had brought up to him how the communication between us was dwindling - I felt like the past few weeks it was always me texting first, him taking 24 hours to reply etc. He apologised and said he would make more of an effort.

Obviously this is a sign of what was to come but I didn’t realise it would be so bad - he dropped me off, kissed me goodbye and I have not heard from him since. I text Thursday evening asking him what his plans were on Friday and he never responded.

I refuse to blow up his phone and ask why etc. I know he is okay because I am very close to his family - they are extremely angry with him but don’t want to say anything to him until he actually gathers the courage to say something to me.

pretending that everything is fine and then suddenly ghosting me, after a year together, seems so incredibly cruel. I have a huge stressful commitment coming up in 2 weeks which he knows about too, I can’t believe he’s chosen now to do something so cruel to me.

OP posts:
C1N1C · 09/08/2024 08:00

Do you want suggestions or support? :) (usually people want one or the other)

Sorry you're going through this, what he's doing really isn't fair.

Have there been any justifications? Arguments? Work stresses? Have things he's asked to change not changed, or vice versa, are you giving off unhappy vibes?

...or the one that people will say IS happening with no evidence, has he changed? Is he secretive with his phone, has he been going out more?... (You know... the 'signs')

Original poster
GladAmberEagle · 09/08/2024 08:07

C1N1C · 09/08/2024 08:00

Do you want suggestions or support? :) (usually people want one or the other)

Sorry you're going through this, what he's doing really isn't fair.

Have there been any justifications? Arguments? Work stresses? Have things he's asked to change not changed, or vice versa, are you giving off unhappy vibes?

...or the one that people will say IS happening with no evidence, has he changed? Is he secretive with his phone, has he been going out more?... (You know... the 'signs')

He hadn’t changed, but I had said to him it felt like it was always me initiating conversation over text every day. Which he apologised for and said it was due to the kids being off etc. said he would make more of an effort. In person though - no changes what so ever. No hiding his phone, even on Thursday he gave me his phone to look something up when mine had died.

I don’t know why he would do this considering I am close with his family (met him through them), so it’s not as if he will never hear or see me again. They are furious with him and said this is very out of character for him.

OP posts:
BlastedPimples · 09/08/2024 08:27

It is cruel.

It's been over a week now?

Ghosting is horrible. And cowardly.

I think you're right to just not contact him at all especially since you know from his family that he's fine.

I wouldn't get suckered back into a relationship with him again. He's shown you who he is. And he will do it again.

Original poster
GladAmberEagle · 09/08/2024 08:41

BlastedPimples · 09/08/2024 08:27

It is cruel.

It's been over a week now?

Ghosting is horrible. And cowardly.

I think you're right to just not contact him at all especially since you know from his family that he's fine.

I wouldn't get suckered back into a relationship with him again. He's shown you who he is. And he will do it again.

Extremely cruel, especially since he knew the next 2 weeks are vital for my career and was going to be stressful as it is.

Yes it’s been over a week now. I don’t understand why he would do this considering how close I am with his family.

I refuse to text him as I think he’s done this with the intention of me blowing his phone up and then being able to say ‘here’s my reason’, but I refuse to. He can live with the guilt of knowing he’s took the cowardly way out.

OP posts:
BlastedPimples · 09/08/2024 08:50

He probably doesn't feel any guilt.

C1N1C · 09/08/2024 09:04

I'm trying to think of other reasons... if he's been open with his phone and (likely) hasn't cheated, perhaps something serious happened to him? Big debt? Secret alcoholism or gambling?

It obviously does happen that one day someone wakes up and thinks they cdnt do this anymore...

Original poster
GladAmberEagle · 09/08/2024 09:04

BlastedPimples · 09/08/2024 08:50

He probably doesn't feel any guilt.

Probably not atm, but I know one day he will. He has obviously dated before me and mentioned that he regrets the way things ended with his exes - I now know that’s obviously because he did the same with them. The woman he dated before me, he said she went ‘insane’ after the breakup and would show up at his house and even bumped into him on a night out and threw a drink over him. Claimed he had no idea why but now I know! Hindsight…

OP posts:
AtTheTurnybus · 09/08/2024 09:11

Well done for not contacting him.

X

StellaCruella · 09/08/2024 09:26

Yeah I agree well down for not contacting him. No good can come of it. What an arsehole.

Focus on your career for the next / weeks - use it as a distraction. Then onwards with your life x

StellaCruella · 09/08/2024 09:26

*well done

Toooldforthis36 · 09/08/2024 09:39

AtTheTurnybus · 09/08/2024 09:11

Well done for not contacting him.

X

Defo the right move 👍

Duckduckgoose24 · 09/08/2024 09:54

I think you're spot on, this is what he does and his anticipation of how you'll behave gives him the story he can tell himself and others. You going silent changes that. You're doing the right thing. The best thing is to try and move on, focus on your career and work through getting over him. All the while he can try and figure out what the hell is going on as you've flipped the script! I reckon he'll want to find out. Keep him at arms length.

Changedname23 · 09/08/2024 10:09

OMG he's horrible. He doesn't deserve any messages or attention from you. He's spineless

Peoniesinbloom · 09/08/2024 10:16

hi OP sorry this is happening to you,
You are proving to be an absolute queen and handling this situation very gracefully.
He is a coward!

DoreenonTill8 · 09/08/2024 10:19

I don’t know why he would do this considering I am close with his family (met him through them), so it’s not as if he will never hear or see me again. They are furious with him and said this is very out of character for him.

But they haven't suggested any reason? Have they been in contact with him? Asked him How's @GladAmberEagle ?

Original poster
GladAmberEagle · 09/08/2024 10:27

His sister saw him the other day, when she brought it up he shut the conversation down. His mum has said to me she's going to give him 2 weeks to explain himself to me and if he doesn’t she’s going to go down his throat, she is disgusted with him. Even before we got together, we both agreed I’d still be invited to family events, as I have been for years before we started dating. So I really can’t get my head wrapped round why he would think he can ghost and never see me again. But I’m not going to ask or beg for an explanation!

His sister did say to me maybe don’t presume the relationship is over until he explains himself, but I said no chance. Ghosting someone for this long you are in a relationship is so cruel, and I would never allow myself to give him the opportunity to do it ever again.

OP posts:
Didimum · 09/08/2024 10:48

That's horrible OP. You don't need shit like that in your life.

FoolMeOnceNeverTwice · 09/08/2024 10:52

You’re going to feel so many rollercoaster emotions over the next few weeks/months. Anything, no matter how hurtful, is better than ghosting. It’s incredibly selfish and cruel.

He sounds like he might be avoidant? This suggests he’ll probably come crawling back in several months’ time, but by then you will have moved on.

You’ll be so happy in a few weeks’ time that you didn’t contact him or try to. Always retain your dignity.

What a massive dick.

Babbahabba · 09/08/2024 10:59

Ghosting is always cruel (unless it's someone toxic/dangerous etc), but after a year it's despicable. What an are.

Babbahabba · 09/08/2024 10:59

Should say what an arse!

Duckduckgoose24 · 09/08/2024 11:04

GladAmberEagle · 09/08/2024 10:27

His sister saw him the other day, when she brought it up he shut the conversation down. His mum has said to me she's going to give him 2 weeks to explain himself to me and if he doesn’t she’s going to go down his throat, she is disgusted with him. Even before we got together, we both agreed I’d still be invited to family events, as I have been for years before we started dating. So I really can’t get my head wrapped round why he would think he can ghost and never see me again. But I’m not going to ask or beg for an explanation!

His sister did say to me maybe don’t presume the relationship is over until he explains himself, but I said no chance. Ghosting someone for this long you are in a relationship is so cruel, and I would never allow myself to give him the opportunity to do it ever again.

Don't buy this crap. This is no way to treat someone, no matter what your own mental health or situation is. I'm always staggered how much grace people (specifically men) are given for being shit. And I include myself in that, we always rush to excuse it.

Royalshyness · 09/08/2024 11:06

Just try and block this from your mind and focus on the career event and your own well-being and your kids

hes a user and gutless

Original poster
GladAmberEagle · 09/08/2024 11:07

FoolMeOnceNeverTwice · 09/08/2024 10:52

You’re going to feel so many rollercoaster emotions over the next few weeks/months. Anything, no matter how hurtful, is better than ghosting. It’s incredibly selfish and cruel.

He sounds like he might be avoidant? This suggests he’ll probably come crawling back in several months’ time, but by then you will have moved on.

You’ll be so happy in a few weeks’ time that you didn’t contact him or try to. Always retain your dignity.

What a massive dick.

Thank you so much. I did think to myself the next few weeks are going to be very painful - but I’m not going to give in and message as I have too much respect for myself. I suspect even if I did, he wouldn’t reply.

I would say he is an avoidant - the man could never open up about his feelings and I always gave him space and never pressured him. He divorced his wife 6 years ago and his sister thinks he is still healing from that, but in my eyes that’s absolutely no excuse. We’ve all been hurt in the past, it’s no excuse to go on treating people like this.

even if he had text me saying he wanted space or wanted to break up - yes it would have hurt - but would have been far better than simply ghosting me!

OP posts:
supercali77 · 09/08/2024 11:10

Totally agree with not texting him. And on realising that even if he came back with some explanation, a week without replying after a year together is not acceptable and a line has been crossed.

It is baffling because as you say, it's not like he can avoid you at family functions etc. He'd somehow rather have awkward future situations arise than have a basic adult conversation!? Mental.

OhGloria · 09/08/2024 11:12

Well he's a rude man.

Are your children young ? maybe he feels there would be nothing to 'try' for if the kids are taking up your time.
He may return after the school holidays.

He clearly is lacking in emotional maturity for you and it appears even his family are helping him have a relationship and making his excuses up for him.

Not a man to rely on, I think.
Is he a mommie's boy ?

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