Ghosted by boyfriend of a year

[GladAmberEagle]

Hi all, not really a point of this but just need to vent my feelings.

Met someone who I thought was an amazing guy a year ago, been together a year. We see each other once a week due to having children and text every day.

We spent the day together on Thursday, had a lovely time together. He dropped me off at my house and I asked him to give me a text. The previous week I had brought up to him how the communication between us was dwindling - I felt like the past few weeks it was always me texting first, him taking 24 hours to reply etc. He apologised and said he would make more of an effort.

Obviously this is a sign of what was to come but I didn’t realise it would be so bad - he dropped me off, kissed me goodbye and I have not heard from him since. I text Thursday evening asking him what his plans were on Friday and he never responded.

I refuse to blow up his phone and ask why etc. I know he is okay because I am very close to his family - they are extremely angry with him but don’t want to say anything to him until he actually gathers the courage to say something to me.

pretending that everything is fine and then suddenly ghosting me, after a year together, seems so incredibly cruel. I have a huge stressful commitment coming up in 2 weeks which he knows about too, I can’t believe he’s chosen now to do something so cruel to me.

And on the tiny chance he’s did this to get a huge reaction out of me, or force me to be the one who ended, I refuse to do it. I’d rather live life knowing if he wants to walk away without an explanation, then so will I!

Spot on. Ending it officially gives him closure- why should he get that? People suffer the most with unpredictability and the unknown- thats exactly why ghosting is so damn painful, because you never actually know why and it can drive you mad wondering why. Not applicable to ghosting, but thats also why when people go missing its so distressing because you never know why or what happened, the lack of closure or knowing is like literal torture.

Just look at the epic thread posted earlier about the other woman who was dumped by text, she never responded to him and within only 2 months it had driven him absolutely mad the fact she never replied.

Say nothing. I have a feeling in a few months it will really start getting to him and then you can have a good laugh about it when he inevitably sends you the pathetic, cliched "hey!" text.

Idiot.

I had a look at that thread and it did make me giggle - I bet that he only kept bothering her again because he eventually couldn’t handle the fact that the woman moved on without begging for answers!

Like I said, I am absolutely heart broken and probably will be for a while but so proud of myself with how I’m handling it.

You should be! And re-read all of this if you feel your resolve faltering. Imagine going about the world behaving like this - good people don't do that.

so proud of myself with how I’m handling it

You should be! stay strong and be very proud you haven't sunk to his level. Sorry you are hurting, it will get easier with time x

I think part of this is op's relationship with his family.

Op would be unwilling to humilliate herself to women who innitially knew her before she knew him.

And he knows this.

That is a big part of it - his family are intertwined with my children and the children always come first. But I also don’t want to cause a scene.

That said, even if I did not know his family - I still would not have reached out. Can’t say I would have done the same when I was a lot younger though!

I wonder if it's because you pulled him up on his communication style by asking him to text you more. That made him feel that you were no longer knuckling down and accepting him totally - you were beginning to exert yourself and to stand up for what you wanted. So you had to go.

What a plonker he is. I hope you have plenty of other support for the next fortnight, and may all go well with you for that.

Yeah, I agree, because I’ve pulled him on something I’d like to work on he’s given be the boot in a very cowardly way. But if me asking him politely to communicate with me more is enough to make him run, it was obviously never meant to be.

So hurtful op. Hope you ok. Not nice how he did it.

Well done op!

This happened to me a few years ago, together 11 months, we were discussing our valentines plans and had a minor disagreement about him making time for me, and that was it, ghosted.

Now you've handled this much better as I went off the deep end and ended up in a hole that took me years to crawl out from, so well done!

@InandOutlander did he ever get back in contact?

It’s so sad to hear how often this happens! Big hugs for you, hope you’re doing better these days! X

@Thecatthatgotthesouredmilk yes, I blew up his phone and eventually he replied. Which made things worse to be honest as we talked about his 'crisis' and I went to see him only for him to dump me 'properly' 🤦🏻‍♀️

And then all the back and forth made things much worse in the long run. Would been better if I'd walked away originally.

I was dating someone I worked with and he ghosted me. Sounds very similar - didn’t like talking about emotions or confrontations. It’s just so cowardly. It’s ridiculous when they know you’ll see each other again & then it’s just awkward. I saw it as a lucky escape after a short while but hadn’t been dating as long as you. Big hugs & onwards and upwards.

How awful! Hope you have healed from it. Can I ask what it was like to see him at work after it happened?

Yes I did heal quite quickly as we’d only been seeing each other a few months so less time than you. I threw myself into dating & met someone new. It was over 5 years ago now.
It was a little weird at first but I sent a message asking if everything was ok between us now & he acted like everything was normal so I took that lead. We don’t work with each other now but bump into each other occasionally & have a chat. He did try to hit on me once when he was drunk even though he was in a relationship. I just feel I had lucky escape in all honesty. Turns out he was a bit of a 🍆 (which I sort of knew beforehand tbh but ignored the warning signs).
I know it doesn’t feel like it now but if he can do this to you then he’s not the person you thought he was & you are best off without him.

I was struggling to understand this relationship when you said you had met him a year ago but were very close to his family, so is this the brother of a long time friend or something who you didn't know before? It's shocking behaviour on his part and he should be ashamed.

What a horrible despicable man. I actually would text him one last time. Not to ask questions or seek explanations but to end it properly. I don’t mean you ending it- I mean confirming that he has ended it by being a spineless weasel and ghosting you (or words to that effect). Otherwise he’ll try to come crawling back with shit about ‘sorting his head out’ or being busy. There is no excuse good enough for this kind of crap.You sound strong and with a lot of self respect so don’t let him worm his way back in.

Hi there, should have clarified. I had worked with his brother for a very long time and then was introduced to his sister and mum (his sister’s child has the same disability as my child), been very close to them for a while, a couple of years and then was introduced to him and we started dating - were together for a year before he ghosted lol.

It has been a rubbish 2 weeks but I’m very proud of how I’ve handled it - yesterday and today finally felt like normal days where I didn’t cry about the situation or feel waves of anger.

I am very lucky that I am somehow coping so well - I could totally see how this could send someone off the deep end.

A couple of my friends have suggested that I text him for the same reason, not for answers but just to officially end it. But I currently I have no desire to do so - to me, the relationship is absolutely over without me having to tell him or not.

He is someone who really cares about what others think of him, always doing kind things for everyone and ‘appeared’ to have strong morals - his karma will be not being able to explain himself out of this one to his friends and family. And even if karma doesn’t serve justice, I’m at peace knowing I’ve handled it the best way I could.

You are amazing OP. You have handled this so well and it's exactly what I would of done. Keep you're head up high 💪

I don’t want to sound patronising OP, but well done for being so dignified and rising above it even though you’ve been in such pain inside.

Few people could manage to keep their cool in face of such outrageous fuckwittery.

He will pop up again.

Have you thought about what you will say when he does?

I hand on my heart don’t think he will - I think he has too much pride and stubbornness to ever explain himself but if he does, I won’t be replying. Any excuse is just that, an excuse.

I couldn't be with someone who ever took 24 hours to reply to a text. Just no excuse for that, busy or not who doesn't go on their phone for 24 hours to respond to a text from somebody who supposedly means a lot to them?