Underwear not mine

[PeppyBlueFinches]

I am looking for some advice about what to do now please, as something doesn't make any sense. About a month ago I found a pair of knickers that weren't my size. I had managed to wash and dry them without noticing, it was only when I went to put them in the drawer that I noticed they weren't mine. Not my size. At the time I assumed that they had been my son's girlfriend's and that they had been somehow mixed up with his stuff. My son and his girlfriend had recently returned from a holiday so it seemed likely that is what had happened. I mentioned to DH that I had found a pair of knickers which I assume were her's.

I was waiting to see my son's girlfriend to ask her if they were her's. In the meantime, I had put them in my underwear drawer. She hasn't been round since then although I have seen her away from the house but I forgot to ask her if she had lost some underwear.

This weekend, I went away without DH. Putting away the washing today I notice that those knickers are nowhere to be seen in my underwear drawer.

There is categorically zero chance of my son going into my underwear drawer. I hadn't even told him about the knickers. The only other person who could have taken them is DH but then wouldn't that be a stupid thing to do as I had told him that I had seen them? What do I do now?

Could you have picked up a friends pair, by mistake, on your last trip away?

Actually, that doesn't explain the disappearance.

Side note: I also think a bit odd to put in your underwear drawer.

Step mil put her pants in fil dressing gown for mil to find. I always wondered if they was washed. Dirty buggers.

I have also found

1. some slimmer woman's pants. Only found out when they wouldn't go over my fat arse. They was mils. Black m&s size 10 btw
2. random boxers. Dh and sons all denied knowing who's. Sadly, no one ever thought I was capable of an affair. Dh didn't even give me a side eye

Oh and bils pants in the washing basket when he stayed over. Who the F does that?

Surely the OW could have been there while the OP was away? OPs "D"H could've asked OW "have you lost some knickers?" and OW could have easily identified them.
Or via a video call if no opportunity for OW to be in the house

OH MY WORD - This has just unlocked a core memory!

Whilst rooting around in BF bed for my recently discarded (😁) knickers - I pulled out a pair that weren’t mine !
They were ‘rolled’ down and in his actual bed.
I showed them to him, got my stuff and left in tears.
He made some story up about a mate planting them for a laugh. I always assumed someone left them the night before but could never work out why other than they wanted me to find them.
Now I think he wore them himself 😁

But men’s sizing is different. My DH is a 36 waist but there is no way I’d know if he’s a 12, 16 whatever in women’s. He’s not an 8 I can gauge that much…

I don’t know why on this thread that has so much potential for stomach lurching, the thing that has made me most squeamish was the thought of putting on MIL’s pants.

“DH didn’t even give me side eye.” 🤣🤣🤨🤣

If she stayed overnight because them OP was away she probably had a second pair to wear home.

Video call!🤣

Occams Razor. The simplest explaination is the most likely explaination.

The only person who knew about them where you and your husband. You go away without him, the knickers disappear. Either he or the woman they belong to removed them.

Chances of it being down the back of the chest of drawers or him being a cross dresser or your sons GF coming round out of the blue and retrieving them are all, while possible, extremely unlikely.

Yes it would be stupid of him, but it would also be stupid of him to shag another woman in your home and it seems likely that he has done that too. He wouldnt be the first.

Why is that funny? People cheating often feel just as much in a relationship as anyone else who video calls when apart. "Please tell me these aren't yours?!" would be a totally normal conversation for a cheating couple to have.

I did this once. I stayed overnight, so had brought a change of clothes. Didn't notice my 'sexy' knickers had fallen under the bed.

His fiancée found them, which is when I learned he was engaged.

Well I’ve never been part of the cheating couple, I guess, so have never had a video call about my knickers 🤷🏻‍♀️

You need Poirot on this.

If you establish that the underwear wasn't returned to your son's GF, you are faced with one of the following scenarios:

1. Your husband is having an affair, and disposed of the underwear so he can gaslight you later

2. Your husband wears women's underwear

3. The underwear does belong to your son's GF, and your husband has taken them for himself (pervert)

There is no other possibility.

No because while the knickers are still there and you can ask your DS GF if they’re hers, there’s a chance things can blow-up. If she says ‘No way are they mine, I only wear Victoria Secret thongs and these are briefs from M&S! Then what?!

With them gone, he can just deny knowing what you’re talking about. You said he barely reacted. By removing them, it’s just left you baffled. You look bonkers if you accuse him of being linked to some non-existent vanishing knickers.

Oh no I wasn't suggesting a call specifically about knickers. Just general chat. But I'm guessing it would have been the first question he asked the OW.

When my best mate found dirty ones stuffed in the back of the wardrobe..that's how she found her partner is a cross dresser. He'd been doing it since childhood, stealing a family member's clothing.
She was ok with it... preferred that to him having knickers belonging to another women.

The likelihood is that it's one of these three.
I think you need to have a talk with your DH.

If the son lives in the house, he may be a cross-dresser. Went looking for his favourite knickers, realised they weren't where he thought they were, rootled round in OP's drawers and retrieved them. Though why he'd stick them in the laundry to begin with is anyone's guess (or why a cheating husband would either).

what do they say about the most simple explanation being the most likely to be right - I found a pair a knickers in my partners coat pocket once, obviously he was cheating.

It's pretty evident that DH has removed them and that is suspicious as hell OP. You need to start looking for the rest of the evidence now.

I used to have a boss who was married but had many affairs and also used prostitutes. This could so easily have happened to him.

His wife found a packet of condoms in his car once but he told her that they must have been put there by the mechanics that worked on his car. She believed him when, had she scraped the surface even slightly, she would have had such a shock, although I wondered if she knew but was just turning a blind eye.

Occams Razor. I posted similar above, and I agree. The most obvious explaination will usually be the correct one, but people who blindly trust (or more likely, cant face the reality of what their life will become if they look closer at what is staring them in the face) will tie themselves in knots to find something, anything, that will explain it away in an innocent way.

There are none so blind as those who will not see.

Obviously the husbands.

But we'll never know as OP wont be coming back.

One of the most infuriating things on MN. Posters who dont give enough detail upfront & then dont come back when people have a multitude of questions.

Aaarghhh.