Stingy restaurant behaviour has given me the ick

[HazelSchmazel]

This afternoon, I went on a second date with a guy I met on Tinder. Wasn't too sure after the first date, but I thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.

We had a nice meal and the bill was in the region of £50. When it was time to pay, I placed £30 (cash) in the middle of the table on the basis of £25 for my share and a £5 tip (our shares of food and drink were pretty much 50/50). He then proffered my £30 to the waiter, together with his credit card and said 'put £20 on my card'. So the poor waiting staff get no tip and my £5 effectively goes into his pocket!!! Uuuurgh - instant ick!

I should have said something, but I just wanted to get the fuck away from the knuckle dragger asap! Plus I was temporarily deaf from the thunderclap of my fanny slamming shut.

Now snuggled up with my cat, a bar of chocolate and am planning a Netflix binge, together with a future life of celibacy. Bliss!

Anyone else with a story of financially induced ick?

I've had it happen where in a group we had all put cash in then one grabbed the cash, went up to pay on their card and I caught them paying with the cash and, as there was lots chucked in for tips, it covered their and their mum's share and they were given change. It was a hen do and I'd only met that foul girl and her dickhead mum that night. It was awkward!

But at least they knew it was wrong and tried to hide it, your date was brazen.

I once offered to buy a friend shots (I fancied him), he said yes, I ordered 2 shots, and as I was paying, he picked up both shots, thanked me and went and did them with a girl he had just met. Ow, that hurt 😆

He didn't pay the agreed price; he was willing to be subsidised by his date.
And tipping is, in a world where waiting staff are poorly paid, civilised.

Thanks, this is my experience and thinking. I'm not tight, I'm in a low income and I give to those struggling not those the same as me. So put in extra or buy a drink when my friend or family member is skint but has joined us, offer to buy something to eat for a homeless person, put the odd thing in for the foodbank, that kind of thing.

Why didn't you say actually the extra fiver was a tip?

Ew what a goblin.

DH and I went on a double date once. The other couple underpaid their half so we picked up the rest of their bill and when we left £10 on the table for a tip, the guy from the other couple picked it up and put it in his pocket. 🤢
We never spoke to them again.

A bit naughty but I'd be very tempted to message him and say you noticed he only paid £20 and say sorry you hadn't realised things have been so tight for him financially...

I was answering this. I've donated and had a negative response from someone I was seeing. It's nothing to do with the man.

Anyone else with a story of financially induced ick?

Yes it is, worked in hospitality for years over 20 years ago now and it was the real exception who didn't tip and usually only because they didn't get great service for whatever reason. It was the very very odd person who didn't leave something.

My nieces/nephews/kids all work in hospitality and they say the same thing.

You might convince yourself that no one tips just like you don't but it's not true.

I think you should send him a message.
The £5 extra was a tip for the service.
But thanks for the lucky escape.
Bye.

I made up my mind pretty early on in the meal that I definitely didn't want to see him again, which is why I was proactive about paying half. I slapped my £30 on the table the instant that the bill arrived!

Had I been keen to see him again, I would have gratefully accepted being treated (not that he would have offered, of course)

That is definitely the ick!

He's asked for a third date...

That scuppers your theories

@AnotherNaCha yes I would totally get the ick if I was on a first or second date and the guy asked if we should split the bill after a meal.
I wouldn't want to see him again after that.
I would think he is stingy and not trying to impress me. I would offer to split it but would expect him to say , no of course not. I feel like that's how it should be in early dating for the first several dates, obviously the woman can pay for some things but I think the man should pay for more. Then obviously if the relationship progresses then it becomes more like each person pays for alternate dates or whatever but at the start, no , the guy should be paying the lion's share and it would be a red flag and a major turn off for me if he didn't.

@ClareBaldingsChin maybe I'm feeling charitable because it's the weekend?
Or maybe I just think it's sad the whole dating thing has become such a shit show for so many people. Op, I wish you good luck, it's sounds like you may need it

The guy was clever. He realised he didn't want to go any further so decided to minimise his losses. Financially very shrewd

Wrong but even if this was the case, what kind of loser is so desperate for a fiver that he'd sacrifice his self respect

Are you serious? So he basically gets a free (or is it free + £5 for his dinner?) education on manners and etiquette that'll help him hide his true self for the next unsuspecting victim?

No. These men deserve to wonder what went wrong.

Text him back.
Not too similar really seeing as I paid my share and a tip for the staff. You paid 20. . Call him out. Make him squirm.. Or see what plausible (to him) excuse he makes... Arrange to meet somewhere swanky and stand him up. Text you will be a bit late and to go in. He will order a drink he will have to pay for himself. Then block..

Once went on a date with a guy who spent the whole time bragging about how much he earned, we had two rounds of drinks and somehow despite all the bragging I ended up paying for both. I was done by this point and said I was leaving, at which point he asked if I wanted to go into the ally behind the bar to "service" him. I went to sit with the bar staff at that point while I waited for my taxi 🤢

How do you know they earn the same as you?
Your wage can't be that low if you eat out.
'Pocket money' is just unpleasant.

I'm old and married but I wouldn't want a man to pay for me if I was on a date. Why, when I might well earn more than him?

However, maybe because I'm older (it gets easier somehow to be forthright as you age, or so I find), I would definitely have corrected him for saying he wanted only £20 put on his card. Especially if I didn't want to see him again.

Years back. Dating. As always, I was nervous and could not eat that much, but did not want him to feel a glutton, so ordered started, main, dessert but could never finish it. So he did finish it for me. Always went Dutch. A month passed and I got slightly relaxed to say 'I don't want a starter'. Still went Dutch with him having a starter, a main and a dessert, a wine and a brandy and me with a main only. I did not drink then. And then it came to a head when he started whining 'oh, I really want .... but it says 2 people only' when I said I did not want that dish. I lost it and said 'what the fuck is the problem with you ordering it - you earn a fortune, order it and pay for it and eat only one half'. He said 'but it would be such a waste and I don't like waste'. Going to restaurants is a wonderful and quick way to find out who people really are. I had a friend who I thought was a wonderful woman. Until we went to a cheep London pasta place. The moment we sat down and they brought olives, she quickly ate them all saying 'I know you don't like olives' when I never said I did not like them. Years later she refused to take her ailing mum to see her son (her brother) on a trip to Dubai until her brother agreed to pay for her as well (he initially wanted to pay for mum only as mum said she would be leaving her house in London and savings to this friend of mine as the Dubai brother was OK financially). Now I tell my dc, go to a restaurant with a prospective date - you will find out everything you need to know about them when the bill comes.

An ex suggested we had a BBQ I ended up going and buying all the food whilst he was at the pub, fair enough as I was also feeding my 2 adult kids but then after he stood round manly prodding the sausages every five minutes he expected me to thank him for the BBQ 😂

He was surprised I never wanted to do another BBQ with him, and even more surprised when I finished the relationship.

Unless they are under 21 it would be illegal for them to be paid less.