Stingy restaurant behaviour has given me the ick

[HazelSchmazel]

This afternoon, I went on a second date with a guy I met on Tinder. Wasn't too sure after the first date, but I thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.

We had a nice meal and the bill was in the region of £50. When it was time to pay, I placed £30 (cash) in the middle of the table on the basis of £25 for my share and a £5 tip (our shares of food and drink were pretty much 50/50). He then proffered my £30 to the waiter, together with his credit card and said 'put £20 on my card'. So the poor waiting staff get no tip and my £5 effectively goes into his pocket!!! Uuuurgh - instant ick!

I should have said something, but I just wanted to get the fuck away from the knuckle dragger asap! Plus I was temporarily deaf from the thunderclap of my fanny slamming shut.

Now snuggled up with my cat, a bar of chocolate and am planning a Netflix binge, together with a future life of celibacy. Bliss!

Anyone else with a story of financially induced ick?

😂😂
Yes
Turn off indeed

& pigs might fly.

'Cock coddling' - love it!!!!

I'm actually very much in two minds about who pays for the first few dates. I always offer to pay half - BUT, as women we are financially disadvantaged, in that on average we earn less than men. In addition we are subject to a beauty tax in that we spend a lot more than men on cosmetics, toiletries, clothes, treatments etc. (OK, so you could argue that's optional, but let's face it - we need to look a certain way in order to stay in the dating game). Then we have to spend a ton more time getting ready for a date. I've been on so many dates where I've really made an effort, only to be faced with some scrote who looks (and smells) as though he has just emerged from a swamp.

So it would be rather nice if men were capable of recognising this financial/time disparity and offer to pay in full.

Obviously prepared to get shot down in flames by cock coddlers, but just saying .......

And before anyone retorts with 'my Nigel earns less than I do and spends fortune on getting his tackle waxed', I'm talking in VERY general terms.

Oh, for God's Sake, stop trying to defend a miserable bastard's stingy, tight arsed ways. You must be scintillating company on nights out.

As well as that, sex, dating and relationships for women is a far bigger risk than it is for men. Violence, sexual assault, rape, unwanted pregnancy...

You don't think this could have been a misunderstanding? It was over a fiver. We don't actually know whether service was included (I don't think).

And yes, Ive refused second dates after someone turned coyly away from the bill. Also when someone (late 20s) met me at a pub I worked at as a student, ordered a large drink, most expensive we served, and looked blankly when I asked him to pay (with discount).

These threads are a bit tiresome when any other opinions are screeched at. Especially when it's not that clear that he 'stole' the OP's money or is a 'miserable bastard'. Again, it was a fiver. Not the whole bill. Could have been a mistake. She was capable of speaking up and didn't. She doesn't have to see him again but it doesn't make him a bad person. People are allowed different views to you.

Even if it was a mistake, who wants to be with a man who is so inept that a £50 bill could end up causing so much confidence

Exactly! And any reduction of that risk may have a financial impact - eg. forking out for a taxi after a date, while he walks home

It was really obvious OP intended to tip by the fact she put in more than £25. By him putting in £20, he has taken the tip. At the very least the possibility of her intending to tip should have occurred to him, and he should have put in £25 in order to preserve the extra OP had put in so she could decide what to do with it.

You really have to bend over backwards to defend this one.

Confusion that should read...not confidence!

This! His confusion, weakness and lack of confidence was such a turn off

Also because plenty of men creep on here.

he just settled the balance, she could have pointed out that she had included a tip. I find these approaches that excuse women from having agency quite bizarre. Why was that all his fault?

I bet if the restaurant had overcharged him he wouldn't be confused and lacking in confidence to challenge that.

To those saying he may not have known it was a tip and might have thought she didn't have a spare fiver, why didn't he pay his half and offer her change? it's plain stingy and there is nothing more of a turn off especially from a man in the wooing stage.

It might be your thinking, but it's not mine. You can put tips on a card if you want. Plenty of people carry cash. I work nmw, and that's why I tip! If I had a nice meal and good service, why shouldn't I show appreciation in any way I can, even if it's only a couple of quid.

Eww, nasty little bastard.

The best advice my mother ever gave me was not to marry a stingy man.
Op, just be grateful that he showed his arse early on .
Op, the thunderclap’ comment is hilarious

Well more fool you.

Honestly the bar is so low. This wasn't five people, this was two - he deliberately paid less taking OP's overpayment.

I don't know why so many people are happy to try and explain this away - he's a tight arse at best, and actively trying to get others to pay his way at worst. He's probably one of those that always says to split the bill in large groups and uses it as an excuse to gorge himself silly at everyone else's expense.

What the everloving fuck? Girl—you need some self esteem or a cat. If you put up with shitty treatment like this in otder to have company I don’t know what else to say.

I didn’t say it’s what I do- I said it’s the general consensus amongst nmw earners I’m friends with. I don’t work at all in any case!

Not tipping is an immediate ick for me, unless the service was really awful.

I recently went on a date with a guy I met on holiday, we were both traveling alone. We met for a late drink one night, I had one glass of wine, he ordered a beer, dinner & dessert for himself, and another beer. When the bill came (50 euros!) he asked me to split it 50/50, and got annoyed when I said no way. The ick was strong for me, yet he had no idea, still had the audacity to try to kiss me 🤢

You can do as you like but if you call posters names then expect to hear about it. I could say that you're a mindless follower who bleats loudly but doesn't have many thinking skills. But I don't. People like you are the reason why we have pretty mediocre service (in the UK, can't comment on the US).

I'm sick of reading posters banging on about tip-or-you're-scummy (insert any other insult). Many people are on NMW. Waiting staff are not more deserving of tips than anybody else. If they get them, fantastic, but they are there to do a job and, in the UK, they receive the agreed rate for that.

The other favourite is that 'if you can't afford to tip then don't eat out'. What a thick-witted viewpoint. I'm sure the establishments would be delighted to find that they have fewer customers. Just what the economy needs! Slow hand-clap.

Leave people alone - the OP's situation is a completely different scenario that has been hijacked by the lady bountiful shrapnel posters who like to make their irrelevant point. Do what you like, I won't judge you for your actions, leave others to do what they want also because this is nobody else's business.

That’s made me laugh so much….loved your turn of phrase ! Thank you

I bet if the restaurant had overcharged him he wouldn't be confused and lacking in confidence to challenge that.

Haha @Fathomless excellent point!