Stingy restaurant behaviour has given me the ick

[HazelSchmazel]

This afternoon, I went on a second date with a guy I met on Tinder. Wasn't too sure after the first date, but I thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.

We had a nice meal and the bill was in the region of £50. When it was time to pay, I placed £30 (cash) in the middle of the table on the basis of £25 for my share and a £5 tip (our shares of food and drink were pretty much 50/50). He then proffered my £30 to the waiter, together with his credit card and said 'put £20 on my card'. So the poor waiting staff get no tip and my £5 effectively goes into his pocket!!! Uuuurgh - instant ick!

I should have said something, but I just wanted to get the fuck away from the knuckle dragger asap! Plus I was temporarily deaf from the thunderclap of my fanny slamming shut.

Now snuggled up with my cat, a bar of chocolate and am planning a Netflix binge, together with a future life of celibacy. Bliss!

Anyone else with a story of financially induced ick?

yes similar.I was seeing someone.
We went for dinner and he said if you pay il pay tomorrow for lunch ( we had another date set up for the next day )
also while in the pub I was sober and he was drinking alcohol.
He expected me to go round for round.
I should of known the cheek of him then as there is only so many soft drinks you can drink when someone is drinking a lot of alcohol.Which is more expensive.
We met for lunch the next day and just as I was ordering my lunch In front of the waitress he said “ I don’t have enough money.Will a Coke be okay “
I was so embarrassed 🙈

I agree

I never do this now as it's happened so many times where my share of the tip has been pocketed. I pay my due amount and then discuss the tip with the other person, maybe offering to give them cash for my share of the tip they pay by card, or just put my share of the tip on the table. Never sure if it's done wilfully or out of ignorance.

I think its awkward either way when people pay their share and include the tip, or in this case more than their share of the tip. It's better to pay your split of the bill and leave the tip separately on the table. I can appreciate you might not have had £5 cash though.

Otherwise he'd have to ask if you wanted to tip the full £5, or did you want change? Or is he then supposed to tip £5 as well? But that would be a £10 tip on a £50 bill which is quite a lot?! But he'd look stingy if he 'only' tipped a few quid when you gave £5? Or look stingy for just paying his share and not tipping at all and assuming that your £5 was covering it?! Or he'd seem really petty for having to have a big awkward discussion about it and not just settling up. Money is awkward. This whole scenario is a nightmare and I cant imagine how he could have won. 😅

Here here!
I laughed out loud at your fanny slamming shut clap.
Proud of your self restraint mostly.

I was laughing at eating him in his sleep. Not the rest. Hard to say if he’s an ex just at the moment.

Oh how I wish I'd worked this out when I was young. It's so true.

If that was the case he could have either:

Noted out loud that she'd paid more than him for the meal and that he'd get her a drink/whatever other plan he had to even it up later

Or

Offered her the £10 back and suggested that he'd pay £30 and that she could get him a drink later etc.

He chose to let her subsidise his meal without even so much as a thank you, it's not unreasonable to find that stingy. The lack of tipping is also stingy to me but I might let it go in isolation, the two together is really really stingy and I'd also completely lose interest at that point*.

*I'd have no problem with a low budget date, stinginess on a not-low budget date would put me right off.

It was late and I didn’t want to drive home. I only slept over, I didn’t sleep with him.

Did you not ask him to make you some dinner? and he's not an actual ex? just why?

Yes. Then sat and played Xbox and didn’t talk to me whilst I was waiting to tell him something important. I gave up, went to bed and left him to it.

Seemed rude to ask for dinner. He may not be an actual ex because I’m lonely and having someone is better than having no-one.

Thunderclap of my fanny slamming shut, too funny😂😂😂🤣🤣

I comiserate as I actually have a similar experience. Once I went on a first only date with this guy where we had a drink at the bar while waiting for our table. I offered to pay for the drink. The meal was at a cheap thai buffet place so the bill for the meal came up to around £20 for the both of us. (It was a good few years ago!)

I, for some reason assumed we'd split it (I know, my fault for assuming) so i got my card out at the same time as he was getting his wallet out. However the CF saw me get my card out and said to the waitress "Oh I think she's paying" and put his money away! Then he looked at me and said thanks! I'd already paid for the drink earlier as well so I was fuming. I didn't say anything as it was awkward, but when he called the next day I blocked him.

That was bad enough but his company was awful too, he went on and on complaining about his ex during the meal, and was clearly not over her, so I was basically a total mug. One of my worst dates ever tbh.

Oh love. It really isn't. While you're wasting time with this knobhead you're not free to meet someone better nor get therapy to explore what's happened for you to think this is better than an alternative.

It does sound like the bar is extremely low.....that's why men like this can get away with such behaviour and still go on dates ...

No no no - he’s the rude one not you. No functioning adult would think it’s acceptable to eat in front of a guest without offering them food. It’s as ignorant as fuck.

Having a shit bloke who can’t even feed you and plays computer games when you’re staying over really is a million times worse than being single.

Please don’t be so desperate that you’ll put up with any old crap just to have a bloke.

oh no ..... I'd never take out a wallet on my first date, don't offer to pay. If necessary would wait awkwardly until he takes his wallet out. I have never experienced this, it does sound AWFUL ....

Yeah - he counted out a few coins in his hand for someone living on the street - and then put the rest back in his pocket!

This is really bad and would actually make me feel more lonely to be treated like this.

I couldn’t maintain a friendship let alone anything more.

You are worth so much more than this arse wipe.

I despair at the level of cock coddling on MN - it doesn’t seem to matter how much of an arsehole a man is - there are always some mumsnetters who’ll bend over backwards to make excuses for him! And if a guy is this stingy to start with when he’s still trying to impress, there’s no hope for him. I’m not surprised OP’s fanny slammed shut.

Not expected but also, extremely common. Unless service is bad, most people tip - even if just 10%

And to assume... Definite ick

How mean and tight. That would definitely give me the ick

I'd be didn't want to tip he should have paid his half, £25, not taken his date's money. He didn't tip AND didn't allow her to tip AND pocketed her money! That's indefensible.

I thought the same as this! I would have assumed you didn’t have a fiver to make £25 unless you said you were leaving a tip…(I never tip in this country unless it’s bottomless or something and the service has been more than just the standard)

He could have given you £10 back and paid slightly extra but haven’t we spent years fighting for equality 😂😂