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Original poster

Stingy restaurant behaviour has given me the ick

651 replies

HazelSchmazel · 04/08/2024 17:43

This afternoon, I went on a second date with a guy I met on Tinder. Wasn't too sure after the first date, but I thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.

We had a nice meal and the bill was in the region of £50. When it was time to pay, I placed £30 (cash) in the middle of the table on the basis of £25 for my share and a £5 tip (our shares of food and drink were pretty much 50/50). He then proffered my £30 to the waiter, together with his credit card and said 'put £20 on my card'. So the poor waiting staff get no tip and my £5 effectively goes into his pocket!!! Uuuurgh - instant ick!

I should have said something, but I just wanted to get the fuck away from the knuckle dragger asap! Plus I was temporarily deaf from the thunderclap of my fanny slamming shut.

Now snuggled up with my cat, a bar of chocolate and am planning a Netflix binge, together with a future life of celibacy. Bliss!

Anyone else with a story of financially induced ick?

OP posts:
wakijaki09 · 05/08/2024 20:09

How she's making it sound as she seems like she already didn't want to be there with him anyway...she should of just said something if it bothered her that much and said 'no... the extra is my £5 tip'
If he only had a card with him why would he then think he had to pay £30 as well?

Bunchymcbunchface · 05/08/2024 20:09

Nope, he’s in the bin

and for me he’s in the bin also for not paying the full bill. Goes against all on MN , but if a guy wants my time and attention, he’s paying for it

BippityBopper · 05/08/2024 20:09

Debs2024 · 05/08/2024 19:04

I have had many experiences with dating sites. I am now in a 3.5 year permanent Tinder relationship , with my soulmate. However after a 2nd lunch date with another candidate He paid and later walking about I offered half. I had to go to an ATM and he took it ! I was pretty poor at the time, he was not and he had selected the venue. The relationship continued for a year mainly due to Covid because I moved in . Afterer selling his vintage car for £7000 we had a take away and he demanded half I, I was on furlough and benefits. But the worst thing was he was a mean tipper. I have been a waitress and travelled extensively before my financial demise and if service has not been added or I have virtually served myself pubs etc I always tip cash did you check. Otherwise yes but I know so many people who don’t tip, bad service no ,anything else at least 10%if you go to the USA they demand minimum 15. Once mean always mean just saying

Why offer to pay if you didn't mean it? 🙄 Especially if it's after you'd left the restaurant. Offering at this stage would have implied you were quite insistent on paying your share.

Shazam2 · 05/08/2024 20:09

HazelSchmazel very nicely put hoping enjoy your movie

anotherside · 05/08/2024 20:10

Comedycook · 05/08/2024 20:00

But £30/£20 is not a 50/50 split. What it sounds like is he jumped at the chance of saving himself £5 because she left a tip on top of her share. That's pretty shitty behaviour

Show quote history

Or for many people £5/£10 either way is not worth the bother of stressing over in the context of a nice evening when you’re expecting to see that person again soon.

Lunde · 05/08/2024 20:12

wakijaki09 · 05/08/2024 19:56

I actually feel sorry for the guy and think he's better off without being so judgemental when you didn't say you were leaving a tip...he's not a mindreader and not everyone tips!
Absolutely nothing wrong in going 50/50 but if you say there saying nothing and then put all this acorn on him afterwards then that's not fair

But he didn't even pay for what he ate. He took her tip to give himself a £5 discount.

Pinkypinkyplonk · 05/08/2024 20:17

Does he know he’s in the bin yet @HazelSchmazel ?

wakijaki09 · 05/08/2024 20:18

Lunde · 05/08/2024 20:12

But he didn't even pay for what he ate. He took her tip to give himself a £5 discount.

Show quote history

He didn't know it was a tip!! She didn't say..just put the £30 down..not like he took a fiver off her and stick it in his pocket..then I could understand

ChimneySweepLiverpool · 05/08/2024 20:19

I keep coming back to check if you've replied to your date yet OP? Interested to hear how that exchange goes!

Daltonbear1 · 05/08/2024 20:21

Are you young? Can't understand why you dint say oh that five pound extra was a tip. Why don't folks actually say what they mean. Like one other person put it he might have bought you a drink to make up for it. He wasn't particularly checking the receipt was he? Some folks are so unforgiving high expectations maybe

Original poster
HazelSchmazel · 05/08/2024 20:22

ChimneySweepLiverpool · 05/08/2024 20:19

I keep coming back to check if you've replied to your date yet OP? Interested to hear how that exchange goes!

No - I still haven't replied and am inclined to ghost, as I really don't want to get into a dialogue with him.

I have just unmatched him on Tinder though, so he will have got the message ......

OP posts:
Gallowayan · 05/08/2024 20:25

doodlejump1980 · 04/08/2024 17:49

Plus I was temporarily deaf from the thunderclap of my fanny slamming shut.

this is the best sentence I have ever read on mumsnet.

A new MN classic!

Gettingnowhereagain · 05/08/2024 20:26

NonsuchCastle · 05/08/2024 19:51

I did similar when I was in my 20's. Long time ago!

Show quote history

Yes I was young and low self esteem. They are really thick skinned though I'd die of shame rather than be so obviously stingy. They mustn't feel shame or must feel so entitled. You can't even ask them why they behave like that as they won't answer.

Original poster
HazelSchmazel · 05/08/2024 20:26

Daltonbear1 · 05/08/2024 20:21

Are you young? Can't understand why you dint say oh that five pound extra was a tip. Why don't folks actually say what they mean. Like one other person put it he might have bought you a drink to make up for it. He wasn't particularly checking the receipt was he? Some folks are so unforgiving high expectations maybe

Edited

No - I'm actually really old!

And yes, of course I should have said something. But at the time it felt awkward and I didn't know how to handle it. I'm not comfortable with confrontations over money.

OP posts:
Countingcactus · 05/08/2024 20:29

We’ve had a similar thing with (the same) friends a few times. 2 couples out for dinner. We put down our contribution plus a tip. They then put down only whatever is left on the bill (essentially pocketing our tip). Very very annoying and awkward! I think they bizarrely don’t realise what they’re doing, as they’re good people! 😬

On a date though - yeah, I wouldn’t be seeing him again.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 05/08/2024 20:29

middler · 05/08/2024 18:53

Cash is not relevant. There is always a space for you to tip if you use a card.
I am sorry but all these mental gymnastics to get out of tipping, just leave a darned tip, it's so easy you just add a number at the bottom of the bill, 10% is really easy to do the maths on too.

It's embarrassing to not tip guys sorry- have you seen Reservoir Dogs?
Honestly I would rather go without. lunch the next day that not tip someone who has waited on me....it is that much of a taboo for me to not tip and when I read posts of people trying to norm non tipping I am hear to LOUDLY tell you, you are in a very tight minority indeed. Don't even think of setting foot in the U.S.

Show quote history

I love you, that’s all.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 05/08/2024 20:31

middler · 05/08/2024 18:53

Cash is not relevant. There is always a space for you to tip if you use a card.
I am sorry but all these mental gymnastics to get out of tipping, just leave a darned tip, it's so easy you just add a number at the bottom of the bill, 10% is really easy to do the maths on too.

It's embarrassing to not tip guys sorry- have you seen Reservoir Dogs?
Honestly I would rather go without. lunch the next day that not tip someone who has waited on me....it is that much of a taboo for me to not tip and when I read posts of people trying to norm non tipping I am hear to LOUDLY tell you, you are in a very tight minority indeed. Don't even think of setting foot in the U.S.

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To add - I also want to have your children 😆

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 05/08/2024 20:33

Countingcactus · 05/08/2024 20:29

We’ve had a similar thing with (the same) friends a few times. 2 couples out for dinner. We put down our contribution plus a tip. They then put down only whatever is left on the bill (essentially pocketing our tip). Very very annoying and awkward! I think they bizarrely don’t realise what they’re doing, as they’re good people! 😬

On a date though - yeah, I wouldn’t be seeing him again.

I speak up VERY loudly when tight stingy bastards do this - don’t care who they are.

LoyalMember · 05/08/2024 20:34

S0livagant · 04/08/2024 17:47

Are you in the UK? He might not have known you wanted to tip, it's not expected. He may have planned to buy you a drink on the next date to even it up.

Edited

Oh, look, it seems the OP's date from the other night's got a Mumsnet login...😆

MournfulMonday · 05/08/2024 20:34

I think maybe tipping is something not everyone does, because eating out these days is mega expensive and rarely gives value for money. As someone else said, many people aren't earning a lot themselves anyway. I've always found tipping to be a bit of a nonsense. The tips often don't go to the serving staff as they should and it leaves the customer feeling unsure what to tip, especially if the meal hasn't been great . It is optional, not mandatory. I do think the man should have paid an equal share of the bill though, regardless.

Redjammies · 05/08/2024 20:36

I’m quite traditional and like the man to offer to pay even though I wouldn’t accept.

Anything else to me is just a no….lucky you saw this guy for the stingy person he is before you got too involved.

CrazyChefDoDoDoDoDoDo · 05/08/2024 20:38

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 05/08/2024 18:41

Sorry but unless there is some sort of other information that you haven't included, that is pretty awful behaviour from you. He arranged to meet you to bring you something in your lunch hour, couldn't afford to eat so didn't - but you could so you did? And didn't share/offer to pay for something for him to eat in return?

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Of course I offered! He wouldn't eat unless he could afford to pay for himself. He didn't want to freeload off me. I was working, he was doing me a favour. But his pride refused. And that showed me integrity.

SamW98 · 05/08/2024 20:45

It makes me cringe when women call themselves ‘old fashioned’ when really they’re tight, grabby and entitled.

Its hilarious when grown adult women call a virtual stranger stingy for not bankrolling their food and drink for the evening because apparently the pleasure of their company is contribution enough.

It’s embarrassingly cheap and hypocritical to think have penis, must pay. Its a very nice gesture if they do but it shouldn’t be seen as entitlement

LilySLE · 05/08/2024 20:51

I went out for dinner with my then boyfriend, who was an accountant. We had been dating for quite a few months, maybe six or so. I ordered lemon sole, and when the bill came he weighted it according to what we each had and asked me to transfer my share to his bank account the next day.

I thought about what a future with him would look like - eg if I was on maternity leave and not bringing in any of my own income. It was not a picture I liked the look of and I ended it shortly afterwards.

WearyAuldWumman · 05/08/2024 21:03

Itssamemario · 05/08/2024 06:01

It's normal to tip and normal not to tip. I'd say 60/40.

I've worked in restaurants and would take a polite table of customers who don't leave the table a complete mess and say their please and thank yous over a tip any day.

So far non-tippers have been called tight, uncivilised, uneducated, and an embarrassment. Only the behaviour of the patrons would leave me with that impression.

You're not automatically morally superior just because you leave a tip.

I don't think of myself as morally superior: I just remember that my late mum said that waitressing was the toughest job she ever did.

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