Stingy restaurant behaviour has given me the ick

[HazelSchmazel]

This afternoon, I went on a second date with a guy I met on Tinder. Wasn't too sure after the first date, but I thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.

We had a nice meal and the bill was in the region of £50. When it was time to pay, I placed £30 (cash) in the middle of the table on the basis of £25 for my share and a £5 tip (our shares of food and drink were pretty much 50/50). He then proffered my £30 to the waiter, together with his credit card and said 'put £20 on my card'. So the poor waiting staff get no tip and my £5 effectively goes into his pocket!!! Uuuurgh - instant ick!

I should have said something, but I just wanted to get the fuck away from the knuckle dragger asap! Plus I was temporarily deaf from the thunderclap of my fanny slamming shut.

Now snuggled up with my cat, a bar of chocolate and am planning a Netflix binge, together with a future life of celibacy. Bliss!

Anyone else with a story of financially induced ick?

Why bother? Either way he helped himself to OPs money, why give a guy like that another chance?

Which is EXACTLY why women shouldn't just ghost these dreadful men. All you are doing is passing on the problem to some other unsuspecting woman.

Yes, they may not change their ways and they may well carry on sponging off of us, but at least you have done your bit by outing their behaviour to them and letting them know that we aren't daft enough to put up with it..

Plus I was temporarily deaf from the thunderclap of my fanny slamming shut.

And the award for the funniest sentence ever goes to......!!! 😂😅

What I dislike about this sort of thing is it makes men come across as clumsy, awkward, self conscious and weak. I couldn't care less about getting a free meal...but I like men who are really confident, self assured and handle situations with grace and ease. Staring into the distance and pretending the bill isn't there and quibbling over £2.50 is a massive ick. I find men who do this are often hugely lacking in emotional intelligence.

No it's not normal, it's really rude unless you had a terrible experience.

Oh please, fair enough if he only wanted to pay £25 himself but what he has actually done is stolen the £5 top that OP intended for the staff.

A colleague did this to me once and I have never ever eaten with them when were were paying our own bills again.

I like to think that I would have spoken up if I were in OP's shoes but I didn't when my colleague did it to a group of us so can't really be sure.

Pure cheekyfuckery

Can’t argue with that. I’m absolutely fine to split bills, go round for round or pay alternate dates but the minute there’s any quibbling or stingy behaviour I’m out

Glad you came back @Wantitalltogoaway I was a bit confused there 🤔

Tight men are grim. I'm glad you've binned him off OP.

Reminds me of a boyfriend my DD once had. He made a huge deal about driving her to a training course (about 45 minutes drive away), rather than me or DH taking her, insisted on it .... then asked her for £30 petrol as she got out the car 🙄. Prick I was glad when he was dumped.

I worked with a bloke who was loaded (commodities broker) who sent his gf a bill for 25% of the cost of tyres and brake pads on his car because he drives her to dates. And was actually bragging to the office about it

Well he's had a lucky escape

This is a while back (early 90’s) got asked on a date to
the cinema. Back when you made arrangements via the house phone and you’d already had to check the cinema times.
He agreed to pick me up in his car but was 30 minutes late. I knew we’d missed the beginning of the film but said nothing. We really were trained to be polite.
There was a box of Maltesers on the dashboard with a 99p sticker on. He explained he’d got them in the shop to avoid buying sweets in the cinema.
So at least I thought we might go and see another film!
We got there and he pretended to be surprised we’d missed the start and suggested we go for a coffee nearby.
McDonald’s. He loitered and at this point I wanted to bash my head on the coffee machine he was that boring. I paid.
He drove me home after an hour and as I said goodnight I also put my hand on the box of Maltesers and took them.
He was not happy - he says he didn’t even like them and was taking them back to the shop for a refund.
I replied that I loved a Malteser and I was having them.
Made myself a cuppa when I got in and finished the box off.
Saw him about ten years later at an event and he could barely look at me as we had mutual friends by then.
Every time I treat myself to Maltesers I remember that night. Revenge is a honeycomb wrapped in chocolate!

@HazelSchmazel I've had guys fumble for their debit card when the bill comes and take far too long to find it, it's so awkward that sometimes I just end up paying. I keep meeting stingy men, it's awful

I was speaking generally. If one can't afford to go to places. Not "you" personally.

Just went to Nando’s today and there was no tip.

A main each, a shared side (all vegetarian) and soft drinks. No dessert, as I was desperate to get away by that stage!

No, more like if you think the service was exceptional you tip. What on earth is the point ototherwise? The onus isn'ton the customer to top up a shitty wage.

Also, I used to waitress when at uni. Tips were given via debit/credit card, not cash and shared out amongst most of the staff. You might think you're sticking it to someone by not tipping for poor service, but they get a cut of the tips other staff have earned anyway. I didn't EXPECT tips. If people can afford to pay for their meal, they can afford to eat out. Tipping isn't mandatory.

If OP wanted to tip, that's fine. If her date didn't, that's also fine, but the absolute CFery of him not paying his half is the deal breaker.

This!!! Confidence and the ability to handle social situations are extremely attractive. A man who gets awkward and confused about how to deal with paying in a restaurant is an utter turn off.

He was going to take the Maltesters back to the shop for a refund? Unbelievable!! Good for you @PeggyMitchellsCameo for taking the Maltesers and hope they helped compensate for a truly grim date.

Please dont just ghost him

Tell him what he did wrong

Bloody idiot

He sounds socially awkward..think of it as helping out the next poor woman he dates

Plus I was temporarily deaf from the thunderclap of my fanny slamming shut

This made me laugh 😂😂😂

Dated this guy for a while, around 5/6 months, who practically lived with me as stayed at mine most weeks, I stayed at his once or twice because he lived so far away and my house was closer to work for him. He never offered to contribute to the food shopping despite me feeding him every evening, and often making lunch for us both to take to work, and we went through a fair amount of wine, all paid for by me. Whenever we’d order a takeaway, he’d ask me to send him half. He was also incredibly selfish in bed, and wouldn’t commit to a relationship. Wasn’t the only thing that gave me the ick, he was also genuinely disgusting which surprised me, just no class or manners.

He then majorly threw his toys out the pram when I finally gained some self respect and started dating the most lovely, kind, selfless man who has always paid for everything.

My sister is in her early 20s and an expat living in New Zealand, she doesn’t earn that much and living expenses are high, she’s on her own there essentially. When she goes to dinner with her boyfriend and his family they always make her split the bill, boyfriend never pays for anything for her, she often pays for him, but when they come to the UK to visit, my mum and dad always end up footing the bill for everything for him! AND he never says thank you! Hope she wises up to it soon.

He's clearly a tight arse and you're well rid, but I think the whole issue would have been avoided if you'd said, "How much is it? £50? Let's call it £55, shall we?" as you put your cash down.

Even with friends, I'd have some kind of brief conversation about what tip we were adding and the split. Avoids exactly this confusion.

Not sure if this is financial but I guess so. Seeing a new bloke, I offer to collect him from work so he doesn’t have to go by bus. Go back to his. He cooks himself dinner and doesn’t offer me anything. I’m staying over so have no dinner. He’s lucky I didn’t eat him in my sleep 🤣