Page 14 | Stingy restaurant behaviour has given me the ick

Wigtopia · 05/08/2024 07:36

CautionaryTaleGirl · 04/08/2024 17:57

An ex bf and I were in a farm shop buying ingredients for dinner.

He suddenly said 'who's paying for this?'

I paid because I'm not cheap.but broke up not long after.

He also used to make me drive places and I suspected it was just to save him petrol money.

He had plenty of money but wanted to spend it all on his hobbies - his MG, fishing equipment etc.

Bullet dodged.

Eugh I think I dated the same bloke in my youth. Not quite sure why I didn’t end it sooner because he was an arse, I knew he was an arse but stayed with him for about 2 years! (Admittedly, 6months of this I was living in another country so managed to escape for part of the relationship!)

rookiemere · 05/08/2024 07:50

Well he's either:

Extraordinarily bad at Maths

or

Unable to articulate in social situations to clarify that you had left £5 as a tip

or

Mean

So definitely not one to date again.

Theoldlife · 05/08/2024 07:52

Tumblingjungleofchaos · 05/08/2024 00:11

It isn’t normal to tip in food places in the uk in my experience, or in the experience of many other posters on the thread.

@Theoldlife it isn't "many" other posters at all - it's just you and oft repeating @S0livagant who are the tight arses.

It IS normal to tip in a decent restaurant.

Ok doll, if you like.

RosyappleA · 05/08/2024 08:12

I remember someone like this, well he’s still single 10 years later. I made it clear that was what put me off before ending ties. I think you should too.

whatwouldAnnaDelveydo · 05/08/2024 08:36

NonsuchCastle · 05/08/2024 02:07

It is true that, overall, women earn less than men. However, it is not ok for women to automatically expect men to pay for them, or pay more. That is an outdated and damaging attitude. If you can't afford to go out on a date, don't go unless you have clearly said that you can't afford it and the other person is fine with that because they can afford to pay for both.

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Where did you read that I (or the OP) go to places we can't afford? OP clearly could afford £30 and I don't go to places I can't afford. I offer to pay half, but I don't think it's fair to always pay the same as a man who earns many times what I earn.

LoyalMember · 05/08/2024 08:46

Miserable tight arsed prick. I'm a guy, and I wouldn't think twice about plonking down another £30. Block the arsehole.

butterbeansauce · 05/08/2024 09:05

S0livagant · 04/08/2024 20:42

I have said I might have paid £20 in his position but I would have made it clear I owed the other person a drink. Neither party communicated their intentions clearly at the time.

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Sorry but that's just weird.

It wouldn't be the done thing at all to pay less than your share in that situation. If I didn't want to pay a tip I'd just pay my £25. It's hugely presumptuous to assume they'd have another date - it was only their 2nd date this time. And even if you did the other person would have to put on trust that you'd remember to pay for the extra drink. Then if you have more than one drink you could end up paying the same as the other person anyway if you're doing rounds.

No. Just pay your way from the outset and it prevents any embarrassment for the other person.

Wantitalltogoaway · 05/08/2024 09:19

Daleksatemyshed · 04/08/2024 17:47

Well I hope he wasn't expecting there to be a third date.....

I love these threads. By about the fourth reply there’s ALWAYS someone saying “Maybe he…” and trying to justify the crappy behaviour 😂

Original poster

HazelSchmazel · 05/08/2024 09:20

SamW98 · 04/08/2024 23:12

Well to actually go back to the point of the OP - I had a first date last year which wasn’t great from the start.
I had a wine spritzer and he had a Diet Coke then we both had a coffee. When the bill came up the server stood with the card machine and asked how we were splitting the bill. The date just sat mute stating out the window ignoring him so I got my card out and paid the whole bill and he still never said a word not even thank you.

I couldn’t get out of their quick enough it was worth £20 to escape - later that evening he actually sent me a message saying what a great date it was and asked if he was what I’m looking for. WTAF??? I replied with one word ‘no’ and he replied he was surprised as he thought it went well.

I would love to know what his idea of a bad date looked like

Oh @SamW98 that's awful! What an ignorant arsehole.

Similarly, my date did this thing of looking vacant and confused, while ignoring the bill. It was as though he had never seen one before.

Is this a standard technique employed by mean men to get their date to stump up for the whole tab, do you think? After all, they know that most women are people pleasers, who will take action in socially embarrassing situations.

If so, it really is unbelievable that they think it could be anything but deeply unattractive and ick inducing. And such a cheek to expect a subsequent date!

OP posts:

Wantitalltogoaway · 05/08/2024 09:21

Wantitalltogoaway · 05/08/2024 09:19

I love these threads. By about the fourth reply there’s ALWAYS someone saying “Maybe he…” and trying to justify the crappy behaviour 😂

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Sorry, that was supposed to quote this post:

Are you in the UK? He might not have known you wanted to tip, it's not expected. He may have planned to buy you a drink on the next date to even it up.

Naunet · 05/08/2024 09:23

S0livagant · 04/08/2024 17:52

He wasn't to know she just didn't have £25 exactly on her so put in £30. Could've easily planned to buy her a drink next time or otherwise make it fair. It's just as normal not to tip.

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Then he should have used his big boy voice and asked, not just assumed he could spend her money. Why are you trying to find excuses for him?

Wantitalltogoaway · 05/08/2024 09:25

HazelSchmazel · 05/08/2024 09:20

Oh @SamW98 that's awful! What an ignorant arsehole.

Similarly, my date did this thing of looking vacant and confused, while ignoring the bill. It was as though he had never seen one before.

Is this a standard technique employed by mean men to get their date to stump up for the whole tab, do you think? After all, they know that most women are people pleasers, who will take action in socially embarrassing situations.

If so, it really is unbelievable that they think it could be anything but deeply unattractive and ick inducing. And such a cheek to expect a subsequent date!

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There’s a social media trend I’ve noticed (which feels very misogynistic) saying basically that women are always trying to get men to pay for stuff for them.

I don’t think it was helped by the TikTok trend “I’m looking for a guy in finance” tbh.

I wonder whether some of these men are deliberately making women pay to ‘get them back’ because they view women as scroungers looking for a sugar daddy?

Idk.

daisychain01 · 05/08/2024 09:26

S0livagant · 04/08/2024 17:52

He wasn't to know she just didn't have £25 exactly on her so put in £30. Could've easily planned to buy her a drink next time or otherwise make it fair. It's just as normal not to tip.

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It's just as normal not to tip.

yes, if you're a complete tight wad who squeaks when he walks.

Greyrockin · 05/08/2024 09:33

F’kin hate it when threads get derailed, that’s 2 threads I’ve followed over the weekend derailed by nobs. It is normal to tip in the UK if a service charge isn’t included. It’s also okay not to tip if service is bad.

Anyhow, I’d do a flounce but I want to know if OP lets her date know that he’s not getting another date with her because he’s a tight arsed tip thief.

butterbeansauce · 05/08/2024 09:34

Also OP I don't think I would let him know you're not seeing him again because he's a tightwad.

I think we should allow these men to show themselves early on with their actions. The really clever ones act all generous early on before showing themselves once you're hooked. We shouldn't educate the numbskulls.

I'm also cringing at all those women that think men who don't even know them should stump up for all their food.

Original poster

HazelSchmazel · 05/08/2024 09:34

ThatAgileGoldMoose · 04/08/2024 23:49

First date. We agreed to go visit a castle museum that I had always wanted to go to. I drove to his city, paid for parking, while he walked (fair enough). He suggested we start by going for a coffee - somehow I bought the coffees, and he simply said thank you (not "I'll get the next one" or anything). He then somehow changed our plans to: going to the free museum not the castle "because he had been to the castle before". Not what we agreed or what I wanted but I went with it. Then we went for lunch, with two rounds of drinks. Bill was £35ish. He chucked me a fiver and said he hoped that was okay because he was skint until payday and didn't want to use his overdraft.

His profile pics were several millenia out of date and he was 5ft 7 not the 5'10 advertised.

He was also surprised when I declined a second date.

Edited

That's appalling! If your budget for a date is just a fiver, then there is no way that you should be going out for lunch. Or better still - don't date at all until you have your financial affairs in order (and did he really think that you would not notice that he had misdescribed his height by 3"?)

OP posts:

SamW98 · 05/08/2024 09:39

HazelSchmazel · 05/08/2024 09:20

Oh @SamW98 that's awful! What an ignorant arsehole.

Similarly, my date did this thing of looking vacant and confused, while ignoring the bill. It was as though he had never seen one before.

Is this a standard technique employed by mean men to get their date to stump up for the whole tab, do you think? After all, they know that most women are people pleasers, who will take action in socially embarrassing situations.

If so, it really is unbelievable that they think it could be anything but deeply unattractive and ick inducing. And such a cheek to expect a subsequent date!

Show quote history

With this one it was in a cafe/bar that I know the owners and it was their 18 year old son holding the card machine so I wanted to avoid any embarrassment.

Tbh the date was dreadful anyway - he turned up for a casual afternoon coffee/drinks date with a suit and tie plus pocket handkerchief and blue mirror sunglasses that look like the ones they sell for 5 euros on Benidorm beach.

Original poster

HazelSchmazel · 05/08/2024 09:49

Tbh the date was dreadful anyway - he turned up for a casual afternoon coffee/drinks date with a suit and tie plus pocket handkerchief and blue mirror sunglasses that look like the ones they sell for 5 euros on Benidorm beach.

Oh - yuck!!!

OP posts:

HerculesMulligan · 05/08/2024 09:56

I only went on one date with the man who complained that £2.50 was too much to pay for a glass of lemonade I'd ordered in an art gallery.

He's a nice bloke and we're still friends. But .... no.

Wantitalltogoaway · 05/08/2024 10:01

I also want to know where everyone’s going to get lunch with drinks for £30….

Fathomless · 05/08/2024 10:02

Wantitalltogoaway · 05/08/2024 10:01

I also want to know where everyone’s going to get lunch with drinks for £30….

my first thought also 😂😂

Iwantanapnow · 05/08/2024 10:50

I can’t believe some folk think it’s normal not to tip. I would only ever not tip if service was appalling
you need to tip otherwise you are a tightwad

3CustardCreams · 05/08/2024 11:03

Maybe he didn’t realise your £30 was to include a tip to the waiter? Some people arn’t brought up eating out or some places outside London don’t always expect a tip. But I guess In that case he should have offered you money to make it even. Can you clarify with him?

SamW98 · 05/08/2024 11:08

Honestly what planet do people live on who say tipping isn’t normal in the UK? I’m in my 50’s and it’s never not been normal to tip 10%

Even if you’re on a tight budget then a leave some loose change - to not tip at all is a really stingy characteristic in someone.

And actually it’s not the point of the OP. The point is he didn’t even pay for his share. Its not rocket science to work out half of £50 ffs

Flumpie59 · 05/08/2024 11:25

HazelSchmazel · 04/08/2024 17:43

This afternoon, I went on a second date with a guy I met on Tinder. Wasn't too sure after the first date, but I thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.

We had a nice meal and the bill was in the region of £50. When it was time to pay, I placed £30 (cash) in the middle of the table on the basis of £25 for my share and a £5 tip (our shares of food and drink were pretty much 50/50). He then proffered my £30 to the waiter, together with his credit card and said 'put £20 on my card'. So the poor waiting staff get no tip and my £5 effectively goes into his pocket!!! Uuuurgh - instant ick!

I should have said something, but I just wanted to get the fuck away from the knuckle dragger asap! Plus I was temporarily deaf from the thunderclap of my fanny slamming shut.

Now snuggled up with my cat, a bar of chocolate and am planning a Netflix binge, together with a future life of celibacy. Bliss!

Anyone else with a story of financially induced ick?

''Plus I was temporarily deaf from the thunderclap of my fanny slamming shut''.

I'm on the floor here laughing hysterically!